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I recently just got out of a relationship with my boyfriend of almost 3 years. The only problem Im starting to have is that Im starting to develop feelings for my other ex boyfriend, the one I was with with before my 3 year relationship. This is my first time having contact with my other in ex in 3 years. We've seen each other in passing, but didnt really speak because I was too scared to say something. I dont understand theses feelings. I can honestly admit that I never really got over this guy, even when I was in a 3 year relationship with my other boyfriend. I would think about him from time to time. I think I actually liked him better than my boyfriend. As all these years went by without us speaking, at this point Im mature enough to want to get closure on things I never got say when we broke up. I was 18 at the time and now Im 22. Im not the same person from that time period in my life. I've matured and been through things, and he has a son now. What do these feelings mean? Do I really miss him? I mean he contacted me first. For some reason we always find our way back to each other. He was like my first boyfriend or real crush in highschool. I feel like no other guy I met understands me the way he does, even through all the other guys I dated. I swear I tried to completely forget about him, but I cant. Even the 3 years we didnt talk still had me wondering what if?? I hate the fact that he does have a kid now, so that definitely is different for me to process. Im not thinking about getting into a relationship with him, because I just got out of one a month ago. Today was our first day texting each other since 2010. Regardless of what happens, all I really want to do is get a few things off my chest and tell him how I really felt about our breakup in 2009. I never really got a chance to tell him because I cut off all contact with him to heal. I've done enough healing and now I want answers. Since I've been out of my current relationship, it has made me have an epiphany, I would like to reconnect with the people I loved th most, and lost contact with through the years, and this includes my female friends too. Being in a long term relationship like that made me forget about alot of important people I used to have in my life who are still trying to make an effort to be there. My boyfriend doesnt give a damn about me anymore and its nice to know that other people do at least. Im not doing this because of lonliness or trying to find a rebound guy. I just want to see where people are in their lives now after so many years of us not talking much. Im mature enough now to want to reconnect with people, because if this was me like 4 years ago it would be impossible. Am I wrong for having a new outlook on life to mend relationships? Life is too short and Im just trying to be happy no matter what.

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henna-red henna-red 3 years
I think connecting with old friends is a great idea. I think reconnecting with your previous ex is a terrible idea, and I think when you say you aren't looking at starting a new relationship with him, you're talking a load of bullshit. You say you never got over him, you liked him better than your most recent ex, he was your first crush/relationship, you want some answers and you want are obviously setting yourself up to reconnect with him, and you seem to want someone here to say, "yay, go for it." First of all, I understand you may want some answers as to why your first relationship failed. Well, for one thing, you were both young, and learning how to be connected, and very few of those relationships actually turn into some lifetime comittment. But I don't think that's why you're looking to talk to him, I think you're hurting from becoming newly single, and It sounds to me as though being single scares the pants off of you, as it does a lot of people. I think you're looking to jump back into something familiar, rather than risk spending time alone, feeling alone. I really believe it would be smart for you to take some time to find out who you are when you're not in a relationship. Take some time to mourn the end of this last relationship, and get your feet back under you, and stop looking into your past to fulfill your future. Look to your present. There are reasons our ex's are our ex's.....those relationships didn't work. It's great that you believe you've've been living and experiencing life....but at this moment, I believe you're afraid to look at your present and your future, and so you're looking at your past, and reaching back to grab onto something familiar as an anchor, and in my experience, people who do that aren't making strides into maturity. They are looking for something "comfortable" or "familiar", something they recognize. I mean shoot, say you don't much like the fact that he has a kid....well who are you to like or dislike his life choices at this point? It's not like he's needed to focus on you or what you wanted after you broke up and went your seperate ways. I'm sorry, but from what you've shared here, I think you're headed in the wrong direction for all of the wrong reasons, and making up excuses for why you're heading there. Again, I think you're talking crap when you deny your intention to rebound or reconnect. I think you're saying one thing, the thing you know is healthy, but intending something else. And it's time to stand up, stop lying to yourself, make an effort to really look at where you are now, and who you are now, and go forward from there. Forward, not backward. If you have friends that you lost touch with during this last relationship, then reach out there. Reconnect that way, toward successful past relationships, rather than the unsuccessful one. It's good to fill your life with supportive, caring people, to find new social avenues, new friends, new activities after you've broken up, but not with a past ex. That's just not a good idea, not a healthy place to go. Good luck to you girl, take care.

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