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No Contact and Approaching the Ex post Break-Up

So my boyfriend of close to five years and I have been long distance for 4 or 5 months and I am moving back to where he lives on Saturday. It has not been easy over the last few months and I have been unhappy which in turn makes him unhappy and blah blah. Anyway I called him to tell him about my plans and he texted we need to talk. So He called and and told him I was moving on Saturday and had my interview lined up and all that and he said " I met someone".. of course I lost my shit. he said nothing happened and he just had a conversation at the bar with her. I saw that he had frieneded her on facebook but I am not the jealous type until this. So anyway we are broken up (5 days now, no contact), I am still moving back but I have been feeling like he probably is feeling bad about this. I made my relationship status on FB invisible and it took him 2 days to do the same when I saw that it hurt a lot so I deactivated my FB account, but of course i couldn't sleep and I checked it late night and realized he had done the same so I deactivated again. It seems like he is paying attention to what i am doing and not too concerned on showing off that he is single. We have been best friends for a long time and we lived together but we are relatively young (im 24 hes 26) and I have taken a little longer than most to get my life figured out but my move away for school ( which I thought would be no big deal, silly) made me realize I want a life with him and with a career. So now that I have that all figured out he does this. Anyway I am going to see him and talk when I get there ( per his request). I am really hurt but I also and sure that he is my soul mate and like he has said as of late " he is confused". I want things to work out but I think ee is feeling pressure to get married (not from me, from society) and is freaking out. I want to give him time to figure it out and all that. He also said in the same conversation that he thinks we will be together in the end and he loves me and wants to help me however he can. Yes yes I know letting me down easy, but after 5 years I think its a little more than that. He wanted to marry me 4 months ago so I am pretty sure there is something worth saving here.How do I approach this conversation? I want him to miss me for all the good stuff not this heavy emotional stuff, anyway help!

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Bubbles12 Bubbles12 3 years
I agree with Henna. Men will walk naked, over glass, over a high mountain pass when they are really into a woman. No one doubts it when they're 'in'. This guy is not that into you. You are deep in denial, his behavior is very much about attempting to ease out instead of rip off the bandage. Please let go. If you're still interested in him, you can tell him if he changes his mind and is not seeing anyone else to get a hold of you but otherwise you need him to stay away so you can move on. Drawing a firm line, telling him what he needs to do to get you back *and* staying away to show him you mean business ironically is your best hope now. Guys respond to challenges and they need clear direction. That's why it seems they love the bitches imho. Take a few lessons from Kate Middleton with Prince William, they broke up once and she showed him she would be fine without him. It drove him crazy and drove him back to her. If he doesn't come back, then you know and can move on.
henna-red henna-red 3 years
Long distance is a bitch! And you said it's been difficult lately. I want to say to you that the reason it's been difficult over the last few months is that he's been seeing this other woman for the last few months. This isn't some new, casual, just talked at the bar gig. He met someone, and he's having trouble admitting to you it's been going on for longer than he's said. How do you approach this conversation....ask him for the truth. Ask him to man up, to be respectful and responsible, and understand that not everyone can do long distance, and than not all of our hopes and plans for "happily ever after" work out...particularly when one is focused on their education and career, at a distance. Maintaining a long distance relationship takes a lot of extra attention, communication, and dedication....all things that can be in short supply when you're in school, and working to set up the beginning of a career. It's not silly at all, that you went away.....that's hind sight. And it's really easy for you to decide, NOW, that what you want is a career and him, now that you've accomplished your educational goals. You've obviously had a life plan, and now that he's no longer on board, you're feeling regret! Now that it's convenient for you to persue your relationship, he's headed in another direction. Part of me wonders of your guy found someone else as a means of breaking it off with you, because he knew you were coming home, and would want to change the relationship. I'd guess that he's had a different agenda for quite a while, and didn't communicate that to you. I'd also be willing to bet that you are a strong, purposeful, goal oriented person, and that he knows that....and has taken a back door way out of this relationship and it's destination. I want to wish you best of luck with your conversation. I suspect that there are going to be some very uncomfortable admissions coming your way. I'm sorry to not have something to say that would be more prepared, and insist on the truth. If this is done, he needs to say so straight beating around the other girl....that's not fair to anyone. take good care, blessed be

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