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Do I keep the friendship or let it go? I'm so conflicted and hurt.

Do I keep the friendship or let it go? I'm so conflicted and hurt.

This year has been the worst for me in terms of love and relationships. I'm an attractive girl, I'm smart and educated, but I seem to keep falling for guys who are not into me or who date me for a while to realize they don't want to commit. It's taken a real toll on my confidence and self esteem to the point where I don't want to date another guy for at least 6 months. Not until I can be happy on my own. The problem is...I'm "in love" with one of my best guy friends. 

We've known each other for about a year. At first, we were interested in each other and went on a few dates, but I approached him when I heard from a friend that he liked me but wasn't ready for a relationship. Truth is...he was in love with his best girlfriend and holding out for her. Well...things ended up not working out with them and he is now single. 

Up until christmas, he would text me everyday to say hi. He even put a picture of us up together on his social networking site, which I thought was odd, because A. I don't have a facebook, so I couldnt see it unless I looked on my friends account and B. Because he's told me over and over again that we are just friends. I didn't understand what that meant, if anything. Anyhow, he invited me to spend christmas with him since I would be alone and so I did. However, it was the most awkward interaction in the world. I could tell he was uncomfortable being near me. I don't know if he feels that I am still attracted to him or what, but the person I spent time with wasnt my friend. I felt like he didnt even want me there. He spent the whole night texting until I got aggravated with him and asked him who he was texting. I had driven a long way to spend time with him and it really just hurt my feelings to see him interested in conversations, elsewhere. 

The next day...our picture together is off and now its just one of him by himself. 

Words can't describe what I feel for this guy, but to continue with this "unrequited love" hurts so bad. He says that we are really good friends and that I am one of the realest friends he has, but then he acts like a stranger when were are together face to face. I am so confused. and hurt. I just wish I could see him platonically but I can't. Not to mention, I am 99% positive he is interested and talking to someone else...whom I've met.

Do I continue this year long friendship where we've grown so close or cut him out of my life? It hurts both ways, but I want to quit thinking that one day he'll love me when it's hit me in the face that he won't.

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henna-red henna-red 3 years
Great advice. Listen,'ve been shown the truth. When a person, man or woman, says one thing and demonstrates another, you always believe their actions. Always. It doesn't matter what someone says if their behaviors don't back it up. It sounds to me as though you've found a man who mirrors your own strategy....and is just as unsuccessful with it as you. I have to agree with bubbles....get the book, they have it on amazon, and might in the local library. I did, and it's a very revealing read...great information and if you take that information seriously, you can change your life for the better. Take care, and good luck in the new year!
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 3 years
Someone is going to accuse me of being the female author, I mention this book so often, but I promise I get nothing for this advice. Please go out and buy a copy of "He's Scared, She's Scared" by Sokol and Carter and get through the first chapter before you decide if it's about you or not. That book helped me change my attitude and behavior around. If you're young you may not have enough of a romantic history to know for sure, but you mention this is not a first time to be in love with the wrong person. You and the guy don't have basic communication down, there is no reason to be wondering what he's thinking. You need to ask and just have the conversation. Tell him what you think and feel, ask him what he thinks and feels and listen to what he says and believe him. Don't second guess. Don't argue. If you need to, ask clarifying questions. Get ready to have your mind altered once you hear it from the only person who could know. You know what -- that is all a real relationship is anyway. You probably have no idea how much power you have to change this course, but you do. Read the book. Commit yourself to simply having an open conversation with the person you're attempting Jedi mind reading tricks alone or with friends. Ask instead. And you've already changed things quite a bit. Best of luck to you!

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