Before I delve in, can I just be blunt here for a moment? I hope no one will find this off-putting and disgusting, and I figure this community would be understanding so I feel safe. I am a very attractive woman. I've been told so for years by families, friends, and strangers. It is only now in my 20s that I'm starting to realize this. I'm coming into my own and shedding some of my teenage angst and insecurities.
But as I accept this fact, I can't help but notice that it's a detriment. I seem to have feeble relationships with my girlfriends (with the exception of a few BFFs/soul mates), and my mother (who is also extremely attractive, smart and wise — sense a pattern?) likes to think it's jealousy. Looks aside (because why should that matter anyway?), I'm also a very good musician, have a very good job, and am really smart. And to put the topping on the cake, I am extremely shy, which means I come off as aloof and b*tchy. I'M NOT!
Sometimes these girlfriends of mine will say something (about a job, or my music) and I can't help but read into it. They say things like "Man, I wish I had a talent" or "I want to have your job, how did you get it?" or "I wish I had your closet" and I'm just left sitting there trying to be as invisible as possible because I don't want these ladies to think that I THINK I'm better than them. I don't. So I just laugh it off.
I notice it also hinders my dating. I've had about three guys show interest in me, a REAL interest (dinners, dates, blah), and then just drop off the face of the planet. One guy ended up dating someone else after ignoring me for a while. One guy took me out on a movie date and we really had fun . . . then he never really initiated anything again. I mean we talk a little now, but only because I strike up the conversation. And the date was far from a disaster.
And the third guy kept saying things like "you're the prettiest girl in the world" and would ask me out — but our schedules never worked out so that we could. So when he asked me to be his date to some formal and I said I couldn't (I'm a busy girl!!) but that I wanted to, he asked another girl (which makes sense) and hasn't spoken a word to me since.
I don't get what's happening here. I try to chalk it up to intimidation, but these guys all got to know me and saw that I'm pretty shy and down-to-earth. So why did they all drop me like a hot potato? I don't understand. I hope this didn't read too arrogant. I really just would like some advice.