Last night my roommates and I threw a christmas party at our apartment. Everyone was drinking and I ended up getting pretty drunk and I let a friend who I have had a crush on for a long time kiss me. He is transferring to a different college in a different state so that was probably the last time I will see him, for a while at least. He was drinking too but I don't think he was as drunk as me. We were sitting in the kitchen talking and he told me that he has had feelings for me ever since we met (I know this is true because one of his friends told me a few months ago) but I have a boyfriend so he never acted on it.
Well I've had a little crush on him too, mostly because he is extremely good looking. I didn't tell him about my crush, but he leaned in and kissed me and I let him. We only kissed for a few seconds and there was no tongue or anything and then I pulled away because I realized what I was doing. After we kissed he said he was glad, even under the circumstances, that it happened because he is not going to see me again. Well immediately after it happened I wished I could take it back because I really love my boyfriend and now I just feel horrible. My boyfriend's last girlfriend cheated on him multiple times and it really caused him to have low self-esteem and issues with trust.
I honestly never thought I would do this. I feel terrible and I am dreading facing my boyfriend and looking into his eyes after what I did. I decided not to come clean because I do not think it will happen again and I don't want to burden him with this if it's not going to happen again anyways. I think I am attractive and guys always hit on me when my boyfriend isn't around but I never do anything, it's not like this sort of stuff happens all the time--I just had a moment of weakness. The only good things that have come of this is no one saw or knows except me and my friend so there is no way my boyfriend will find out, and now I realize how much my boyfriend means to me and how much I don't want to lose him. It is going to be really difficult to deal with the guilt but I guess that's my punishment for cheating on my boyfriend. I feel like a terrible person!!