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Interested in my ex's best friend. Yay or nay?

Interested in my ex's best friend. Yay or nay?

Background story. My ex and I dated for two years. We've been broken up for basically two years in March but we really only stopped seeing each other about a year ago. We don't keep in contact (even though I do occasionally receive angry/harassing/threatening emails from his baby mama, but that's another story). But basically my ex and I have nothing to do with one another and it's a dead story. 

During my relationship with my ex I did hang around his best friend occasionaly but I always felt that he didn't like me. We never really took the time to get to know one another and I honestly didn't pay him much attention. After my breakup, there were times when I still hung out with my ex. There was one night where all three of us went out to a bar. My ex was completely m.i.a. the entire night and so I hung out with his best friend. We spent the night chit chatting and getting to know one another and, all in all, had a great time. For the past year, we've been keeping in touch on and off and he did confess to me that he's always had a thing for me but could never express it out of respect to my ex. And I always did think he was attractive but I never paid much mind to it. Now that I'm single and I am WELL over the disaster of my past relationship, I wouldn't mind getting to know him on a more personal and intimate level. A part of me thinks it's okay but on a different level I think it's wrong. My past relationship ended so horribly and that is why I try to distance myself from anything that has to do with him. I think I'm just a little afraid of drama occurring because my ex gets wind of what's going on between me and his bf. I really do like this guy and I would like to see where it might lead, I'm just very hesitant. He lives about two hours south of me now and I've agreed to go spend a few days and the new year with him. What do you think guys? Take the chance? Or look elsewhere?

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Donna-Freundt Donna-Freundt 3 years
I guess you have to figure out if you think the drama - risk is worth taking. If your ex can still have a friendship with his bf, and let you two have your own separate relationship together without being involved. Personally I would not do this.. I would think it is healthier for myself to be away from my ex and to find someone who isn't connected to him. Especially if the relationship ended badly. I think though this is only a situation that you can judge and that it wouldn't be completely impossible for it to work out. Good luck, if things get bad you can always end the relationship and stay away from both of them.
henna-red henna-red 3 years
You seem to understand intellectualy the risk here. Being back in the environment that includes your ex, and that means possible also, his baby mama. Are you ready for that? Is you're ex's BF? Have you discussed that? This is a very sensitive boundary issue.....and you describe this guy as your ex's BF...that's very telling for me. It's a label that tells me this friendship is very important to him, so do you think he can maintain a relationship with his BF and with his best friend's ex? Can he keep those relationships seperate? balanced? Can he have you in his life, without drawing you into the circle of his friendship with your ex? Personaly, I think, your connection to this guy has to be impossible to ignore in order to persue this potential relationship. I have trouble believing that this will not contain big drama at some point. And I think you know that too, so my question is .... are you into the drama, even though you say you're not? I think your words and your actions are not lining up....your actions are heading you towards drama. They are heading you towards the people you have spent time getting away from, and it makes me wonder if you are somewhat of a drama junkie. I think the whole issue rides on the BF's ability to maintain really strong boundaries....and I have my doubts. You say you're hesitant, but I don't believe that....because you've committed to new year with him. That's not casual. I think you're heading into this, and I just hope it's with eyes wide open. Right now, I don't think that's true. Good luck with your choice. happy holidays

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