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My boyfriend doesn't like my big boobs

My boyfriend doesn't like my big boobs

I have the greatest boyfriend. He makes me laugh, is very supportive and is an amazing person. But there's just one problem, he's doesn't like my boobs.

He told me he's not really a boob  guy to begin with, but that he prefers smaller, more sporty, perkier boobs. I have natural DD boobs and they aren't the perkiest things in the world. I've grown to like my boobs but I do have insecurities about them, and he telling me he doesn't like them makes things worse.

He said that when I wear a bra they look good...but when I take it off, that's another story. He rarely touches them and often my shirt doesn't even come off durning sex. He said that there are probably things about him that I don't like too, but that's not true. I embrace every inch of him and find him incredibly sexy...I just wish he felt the same about my chest.

The thing that kills is that I can't change my breasts, not that i'd want to, but it's not like dying my hair or losing weight, my boobs will always be big and sag a bit.

I'm not sure what to do. I feel very self conscious now. He said he loves me for me and gave me lots of other compliments and he told me that he does love my body. It's just hard because now I become very jealous of girls with smaller, perkier boobs.

Thanks for the advice.

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henna-red henna-red 4 years
Oh, and I shoulda said....those feelings are mutual :)
henna-red henna-red 4 years
That's very sweet Venus, thank you :)
Venus1 Venus1 4 years
We love you Henna Red.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
And this particular troll seems to have a history on the net, using the same kinds of tactics....just out for a verbal ride, not really here to help.....addressing a year old post in order to underline his own agenda, rather than offering advice to a current querent.....I do think this fits the criteria. best to put my stick away now...not nice to poke either.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
they should hang signs over those bridges.
dallasdeckard dallasdeckard 4 years
By the way, karlotta if you're still out there, I love what you had to say. You summed up perfectly (and more tactfully) what I was trying to say. I'm like you, I really value honesty even if it stings sometimes. You are right, men are attracted to confidence. You are a great example of a confident woman who means it when she says she values honesty in her relationship. You should be the poster gal for 2012 feminism.
dallasdeckard dallasdeckard 4 years
I think it's pretty hypocritical to accuse me of trolling when you made the assumption that my first comment was "more about what's happening in your life than what's happening in the op's". Now you've made the accusation that my comment was made so I could "sit back and wait for some poor sap to come out swinging and defending". Do you always have this propensity to assume bad faith? And you're calling ME a troll? Haha, okay. Also, I didn't say I'm right and you all are wrong, but if you want to toss up straw men, so be it. I don't know why you have to keep making assumptions about me personally instead of just discussing the issue at hand. Personally I think it's best if we just agree to disagree and leave each other alone. What do you think? To Bubbles12, thanks for your comments. I don't think he's "repulsed" by her breasts (or her body in general) though. You said, "if he's not into her NOW when they're brand new, it's only going to become a bigger issue over time", but he didn't say that. She wrote: "He said he loves me for me and gave me lots of other compliments and he told me that he does love my body." So I don't think you can say that he's "not into her", he just isn't crazy about her boobs. If he wasn't into the rest of her body, then I would agree with you. He definitely isn't "hiding his revulsion" though, if anything he's been too open about what he doesn't like. You think that how someone looked 'back then' is important to their attractiveness to us later? That's an interesting idea you have there, I'll have to mull that one over. Maybe it's most important how we felt about ourselves back then and that we were once attractive to our spouse. My wife and I were showing our boys some photos from back when we were dating and my wife said to them, "See? I used to be young and pretty!" I think it's important to her (now) that I thought she was pretty 'back then' (though I definitely still think she's pretty). You've given me something to think about though. I don't think I consciously rate her attractiveness now based upon how she used to look, but maybe I do it unconsciously, I don't know. Sex to me now is more about wanting to be close to my wife rather than attractiveness, though she is still very attractive to me. One thing is true though, which kind of goes to what you were saying, when things go a little sour between us I definitely remind myself how crazy we were about each other when we first fell in love. It helps sometimes to remind myself why I fell in love with her and all the history we have together. Our love is much stronger now that it ever was back then, though. I want to reiterate that I think this guy made a mistake. He was foolish to ever tell her that he doesn't like her boobs (even if she did ask) and I said that right off the bat. I would never tell my wife I didn't like some part of her body. My wife is pretty smart, so if I was avoiding some part of her, she'd catch on pretty quick that something was going on. So I would be careful about that as well. Personally I don't relate to any guy not liking a certain size or shape of breast. I don't really give a crap what size or shape they are, I'm just happy to be touching one (or two). ;-) I will say this though, I don't like fake boobs. Give me a saggy natural breast ANY DAY of the week over a perky fake one! To the woman who wrote this, please, please do NOT mess with your perfectly wonderful (slightly saggy) boobs! Big boobs tend to sag a little, it's beautiful and natural, that's one way I can spot a fake. If it's between him or you getting a boob job, you can count me in as one of the "dump him" crowd! Don't let anyone EVER convince you that you need to do anything to those fantastic boobs of yours. I've had a few friends get divorced over some pretty trivial things (in my opinion). I agree with you, Bubbles12, we cannot manufacture attraction, but no one is ever going to be perfect. There is always something we'd change if we could. Most of the women I've known loved making "projects" out of their boyfriends... changing his wardrobe, his hair, his apartment furnishings (getting rid of that wagon-wheel coffee table, for you Harry Met Sally fans out there). I'm always going to be an advocate of getting things out in the open and working thorough conflicts. I don't know if this women confronted her boyfriend concerning his comments, but if she didn't I hope she will. I hope he grows up a little and makes his sweetheart feel pretty and desirable. I hope more women will find their self esteem from within. Don't rely on any guy to make you feel pretty or adequate.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
Just want to say, that as I am still very new to the internet and since I don't travel it much, I can be pretty slow to pick up on some signs.....but when someone visits a thread, someone who isn't a regular, and says, basically, "you are all wrong and I'm right" and then sits back and waits for some poor sap to come out swinging and defending.....isn't that normally cause for a "please don't feed the troll" sign?
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 4 years
Hey Dallas as an old married man you should know better than most that if he's not into her NOW when they're brand new, it's only going to become a bigger issue over time. I can agree with you about how we women tend to not communicate well but explode in frustration. This isn't that. He's acting _repulsed_ by her boobs, not indifferent. You can't talk anyone in or out of sexual attraction. And sex for most of us is critical in a long-term relationship. When you've been with someone for decades, what they looked like 'back then' is an important part of their attractiveness to you now. What's the good in him hiding his revulsion better?
henna-red henna-red 4 years
I should say Dallas, that I agree with the things you're saying around degotiating relationships and around people's not learning that skill being the cause of so much divorce. Absolutely agree. The issue, as most of us, I believe, see it, is that she has discussed this, has brought this into the open, and his response was not satisfactory......instead, he excused it by telling her she must feel the same way about some body part of his.....hence so much advice about losing a guy who pointedly, with his behavior, undermines her self esteem constantly. Your rant around honesty and women is another post entirely. IMO
henna-red henna-red 4 years
Her issue, Dallas, is about much more than what he says, but about what he demonstrates in his lack of sensitivity, and his lack of sexual play which back up his derogatory comments. His actions fit his derogatory comments every time he avoids touching her breasts (which must take quite a noticable and appreciable avoidance), he tells her, over and over and over're not what I want. These are not what I want. Every time. I agree that problems need to be discussed, negotiated. When you talk about assumptions perhaps you should look to your assume she asked him.......and most of your comments are based on some assumption of a conversation around honesty....which is no part of her post. The people here have based their comments on her post, on the info she shared, and it's you who have added some element that is not part of the original post. It's you who is making some big issue around honesty and it's you who have manufactured a post that doesn't actually exist here.
dallasdeckard dallasdeckard 4 years
Sorry, Henna Red, but you're wrong. I've been married for 24 years and there is nothing going on in my life that colored my comment. That illustrates a major problem with a lot of the advice here, people making grand assumptions about people and offering lousy advice based upon those assumptions. Secondly, I could care less if other guys "disagree" with me. That doesn't matter to me in the least. See, that's part of the problem, people looking for validation from others instead of relying on their own self-esteem. The advice given here by most women (and men) is immature and hot-headed. It's wrong for women to be telling her to dump him, when the better advice is to tell her to be honest with him and explain how his words and his avoidance of her breasts during love-making are hurtful and explain how it's making her feel inadequate. See how he responds to that. If he apologizes and does his best to rectify the situation, then she's got a good guy who can admit his mistakes and mend his ways. This woman said her boyfriend is supportive, makes her laugh and is "the greatest person". How many women can say that about their partners? Adults work out problems by discussing them and working out their differences. Immature people offer advice such as "dump him" which helps no one. It's just really foolish advice. This is one reason why we have such a high rate of divorce in this country, because too many people don't understand that relationships take work and a commitment to hang in there and work out problems rather than just "dumping" someone at the first sign of trouble. I'm also speaking to women who rely on men for their self-esteem and confidence. Case in point: how many women each year have boob jobs? Thousands upon thousands, and why? Mostly because they want to be accepted and desired by men. Too many women rely on men for their validation and self-esteem. If I asked a woman if there is something she doesn't like about me, and she told me she didn't like my nose, or something, I would appreciate her honesty, but that's me. I appreciate a woman who can speak her mind and be honest. The best advice is for her to talk to her boyfriend, explain how much she's been effected by his words and the way he avoids her breasts during lovemaking. Be open and honest and communicate with him. If he apologizes and works to repair the damage he's done, then their relationship might become a lot stronger and healthier. If he is cavalier and unwilling to rectify the situation, THEN it might be a good idea to dump him. People make mistakes, they say foolish things and hurt the people they love. Grown ups work through conflict by discussing problems and working to mediate their differences. Immature people get angry, pout and then dump the person and never grow up.
jerseygirl81 jerseygirl81 4 years
If he loves you he would not put you down or talk badly about your's like saying i love you but you are ugly. Why would you accept this from him? he's bringing your self-esteem down...don't let him..your worth more and you can find someone else who loves you for all you are and everything about you.
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 4 years
I'm a 34C and have never had a man say a negative thing about them. They're super sensitive, so the idea of having them 'done' to make them perky was weighed against the likelihood of losing some, most, or all that sensation. No. Way. Do not think being spoken to and treated this way sexually is acceptable. Not touching them is a very bad road that will lead to resentment on both sides and lower self-esteem for you. The screwing you're getting is not worth the screwing you're getting.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
I think your comment is probably more about what's happening in your life than what's happening in the op's.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
No offense Dallas, but there are at least six guys on this thread who disagree with you. It's not just women who have responded. Sorry.
dallasdeckard dallasdeckard 4 years
One thing that hasn't been talked about is this... women often ask, and ask, and ask about what we like or don't like. I lie if there is something I don't like. However, some women want to know the TRUTH, and they TELL the truth. They'll say what they don't like about you, or other people, and then ask you if there is something you don't like. I've made the mistake of telling the truth a couple of times, because the woman I was dating was very into the truth and was frank with me. BIG mistake. Guys, you should always lie. Lie your ass off. NEVER tell a woman that you don't like something about their body. NEVER, no matter how much they say they want "the truth", they really don't want the truth. What they want is for you to tell them that everything is awesome, and you love their body. Never be honest about a woman's body (if there is something you don't like) just lie your butt off. At any rate, some guys aren't aware of these truths I've laid out. They stupidly think that when a woman wants to know if there is anything about her body you don't like, they mean it. So, they tell the truth. Then, suddenly, they come here and tell us that their boyfriend doesn't like something and he is a total jerk. Women, if you don't want the truth, don't ask for it. If you don't want your boyfriend to be truthful about something he doesn't like about your body, DON'T ASK. However, if you do ask for the truth and he tells you he doesn't like something, don't come to one of these forums and complain. Also, women who are knocking this guy, did you ever think that maybe she ASKED if he didn't like her boobs? Why is it that honesty is such an ugly thing? Women always say they want honesty in a relationship, but if a guy says he doesn't like something about your body, suddenly he is a total jerk. Now, if this guy VOLUNTEERED this information, without his girlfriend asking.. yeah, he's an idiot and a jerk. However, if this woman ASKED and he told the truth, then the only thing he is guilty of is telling the truth... something you all say you want in your relationships. You can't have it both ways, either you want the truth, or you don't. This is the advice you need to hear: be confident about yourself, confident enough so that if your boyfriend doesn't worship every inch of your body, you don't fall apart. How many guys out there write in forums like this complaining that their girlfriend doesn't like this or that? Very few. Why? Because most guys are confident enough that it doesn't bother them if their girlfriend doesn't like something. Women need to be more confident and not crumble if their boyfriend doesn't love every single thing about you. Why are you falling apart just because your boyfriend isn't all that hot on your boobs? He loves you. He treats you well. He supports you. He makes you laugh. So he isn't starting a parade over your boobs? BIG DEAL. No guy is perfect, no woman is perfect, be a big enough person, a confident enough person to accept his shortcomings. And to all the women who are condemning this guy, GROW UP! Be confident in yourself without needing your boyfriend to boost your self-esteem all the time by saying he loves every, single thing about you. NO ONE is ever going to love every, single thing about you, and if you think your boyfriend does... you're delusional. He's just smart enough to LIE to you. Try appreciating the fact that a guy is HONEST with you. Like I said, you say you want honesty and then you condemn a guy for being honest. Really, all the women who are condemning this guy are a bunch of hypocrites. If the guy was cruel, or abusive, or cutting her down, then I'd say dump him too. But all he did was speak honestly about one thing he isn't crazy about, but he still loves her, he still supports her. Stop encouraging her to dump him and start being honest about wanting HONESTY.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
Great boyfriends don't make derogatory comments about their girlfriends boobs. No they don't. If he's not touching them and enjoying them as much as you do, and if he's comparing you unfavorably to others, things will only degenerate as time goes on. If you're serious about him, you need to explain exactly how his behavior and comments make you feel, and he doesn't change his tune to one of appreciation, then it's time to look around for a truly great boyfriend who doesn't run down your physical attributes.
bubbadave bubbadave 5 years
He is an idiot! Explain to him there is nothing you can do about the size of your breasts, nothing short of major surgery which is very painful, unsettling, and serious. Explain to him the reason for breasts are not for his pleasure, they are for feeding babies and any other uses are purely coincidence (I don't believe that either). But there is nothing to do about the size of your breasts. if he doesn't like them or refused to to touch them in respectful and loving ways, he doesn't deserve you.
billyjoeloel0 billyjoeloel0 5 years
Maybe I'm just extremely sensitive right now. But, I started crying when I read this. No woman should have to put up with this. He clearly doesn't understand what it is to 'love' a woman. He isn't the "greatest boyfriend" if he is making you feel like you need to change something about yourself. You aren't going to change. Find somebody who's going to love you, for you, and ALL of you.
Sweet-Words Sweet-Words 5 years
that's his problem!
Venus1 Venus1 5 years
I have already responded on this thread but the above excellent comment reminds me of way back when I was in a relationship with someone who did not like me wearing certain things. They were not particularly revealing but they did make the most of me and he did not like me being attractive to others. You have no choice but to "wear" you boobs but the 2 situations do sound familiar.
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 5 years
If a man tells you he doesn't love ANY part of you, that's already a bad sign. As mentioned, if a man doesn't love you for everything you are, then they definitely aren't worth your time. You love everything about him, he should feel the same! You don't give all your cookies to him when he's not going to give all his to you. Also, I just wanted to point out that as far as men go, they thrive on power, whether it's in a work situation, money, or with relationships. Power keeps them moving, keeps them secure. I think your guy is insecure about your breasts because he has no control over them. If they were smaller, well, you see my point. Of course, this raises the question of why most men enjoy a bigger rack, but really, if you got it, flaunt it, girl. Be proud, and find someone who will make you feel that way.
KateAthens KateAthens 5 years
A boyfriend that don't even like to touch your boobs, isn't a real bf.... he isn't supportive and he doesn't really love you. What kind of man doesn't like female breasts in general or make his gf feel this way? Find someone else.
goodguywannabe goodguywannabe 5 years
Well he sounds like a perfectionist and fairly opinionated and insensitive. Are you sure he is the greatest? Him mentioning that you may also dislike some of his body parts is potentially interesting though. It is possible that the criticism he expresses towards you is a projection? Or, not even going that far, you know people who are hung up on their own flaws notice things faster in others and are more critical. You know, does he have something he's not fully confident about? Perfectionistic people can tend to make others' lives a misery with their relentless standards and lack of realism. If you stray outside a narrow bandwidth of physical features, the tender side of love-making goes out the window? I'm also worried that he thinks it ok to say personally critical and hurtful things. Are his family a bit harsh or elitist, critical, even if passed off as humor? They may not be, just me wondering whay he thinks this is okay. The not touching/not looking at your breasts or incorporating them in sex makes this a bit more of a concern on the insensitivity side. So while involving them is going to be much nicer for you, and will be important in you feeling sexually attractive and accepted, he can't get this together as it's not his preference...what? What is you liked his buff arms, chest and six-pack but felt his penis was too small, really would you feel so strongly about this or be so thoughtless to ignore it, focus on using toys. I doubt it. Most of us wouldn't want to hurt the other person's feelings to that extent. Most of us wouldn't expect them not to be offended. I do think you probably need to ask him to change his behaviour during intimacy and explain how it makes you feel. If he doesn't change, then I think you could do much better.

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