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Should i tell my bf I know he cheated before he goes away for Christmas

Hi everyone, I really need advice from an outside person, sorry it's a bit long.  Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year now and we live together, we have always got on well, were nice to each other, wanted to open business together in the future, I get on very well with his family, sometimes we had some arguments like couples do, but nothing serious. About 2 months ago he went away home for 2 weeks,which was in another country, after he came back he is different person. He has been pushing me away from that time, making mean comments, we had sex once since he came back, he said that we became more friends and said maybe we shouldnt have any sex for now. I waited for a couple of weeks, then I asked him why all of the sudden this was happening, he said it was because of the stress at work and his dad is being ill. He also said he is going for another 3 weeks home for Christmas and New Year to spend it with his father. I gave him space as much as I could, wouldn't disturb him when he came back from work, we barely spoke, he still tried to pick up fights. After about 2 weeks since he came back he said he needed to go away to clear his head, so I said ok, he went for a weekend, didn't say where he was going, when I asked him he said he didn't know himself. I was reading all sorts of literature on relationship, I felt so lonely, but was hoping and remembering great times we had together. After he came back, he said we should take a break in relationship and decide what will happen after he returns from home after New Year. Day after that I accidentally found receipt from a hotel for 2 people which was booked a week before he went away for the weekend so he lied about not knowing where he was going, also a restaurant bill and bill for flowers. I was so shocked but decided not tell him anything because I wanted to calm down. Yesterday I wanted to download some music so I took his ipod and found all the photos with him and another girl from that trip, hugging and also a bill for a massive bouquet of flowers sent to her home address and a note basically saying that he is dreaming about her and he will always be hers. I was shaking i still am, he has never said anything like that to me, never mind flowers and hotel stays.  I am so disappointed in him, he was the last person I thought would backstab me like this because he was cheated on and dumped for somebody else by his ex in the past when she went away on holiday, I feel so hurt, I don't understand how somebody can be so heartless, I always tried to be open about any issue in out relationship, but I don't know what to do, I don't want revenge, but I want him to feel the responsibility for his actions, I don't know if I should let him I know about what he did by leaving a photo of them two on his night table or something before leaving to work on the day he is flying away because i will leave home really early and wont see him until he gets back. I am going away to visit my family for Christmas, but I feel that if I don't let him know about all this I will spend another 3 miserable weeks and then get dumped by him when he comes back. Sorry for this long story. Any advice appreciated, thank you for your time.

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henna-red henna-red 3 years
Hmmm, lost my post here. Girl, the thing I want to say to you is that it's time for you to stop letting your boyfriend decide what your life will be. It's time for you to start making those decisions for yourself. It's time to be proactive, to put yourself first in your life, and choose what is best for you. This man is cheating and lying and yet you wait for him to decide what you will do, what will happen to you in your life. Stop. Choose for yourself. The other thing I want to say is go get tested. See your gyno, or a health care professional, one of the anonymous clinics, and get tested, now. This man is cheating and lying and you cannot depend on him for your sexual health and safety. You are going to have to depend on yourself for that also, and realize that if he's lying about his sexual activities, then there is no guarentee that he is being safe, or will ever tell you the truth about having safe sex with another. Don't take his word for any of that.....and get tested. I'm sorry that you're looking at a holiday breakup....that sucks! It's a crappy time of year for it. But it's a great time of year for you to stand up for yourself, to start relying on yourself, and to start making your own choices about your life instead of abdicating that responsibility to someone else, who does not treat you right. Good luck, girl. Be well
iti1991 iti1991 3 years
feeling so sorry for you.......but you should confront him.It is true nothing you can say will bother people like him but he will be paid back in his own coin,someday, somewhere.I agree with the posts that you should be practical and tight on those financial issues right now.Particularly if the apartment is yours,hoot him out.
GTCB GTCB 3 years
There's never a good time to break up with someone. It's just something that has to be done, for YOUR sake, regardless of the timing or circumstances.
melissajayne melissajayne 3 years
Don't give him any notice and when you see him tell him exactly what you know! All that advice is perfect, he doesn't deserve to get the feeling that he ended the relationship on his terms. Tell him it's truly over and have an incredible Christmas with your family. :)
Donna-Freundt Donna-Freundt 3 years
I am so sorry to hear that you are in this situation. Some people can be incredibly cruel and what he has done is really wrong and terrible. - I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I think you should tell him what you know and that the relationship is over. You don't want to wait around for him to do the breaking up with you. Don't even hesitate. They can both go live their pityful lives together, and after all this is over and done with, you will find someone far better who really does love you and wants to be in a honest and loving relationship with you. Good luck darling. Hope you are ok. P.S you've got some great advice above there.
missmaryb missmaryb 3 years
Great advice above. I'm sorry you had to find out such a terrible thing about him. As for confronting him, I absolutely think you should. Why allow him to have a nice Christmas? I wouldn't leave the photo out when you're not around because that would give him time to think of a response. Blindside him like he blindsided you. Since you are already taking a break, tell him it needs to be permanent, get him out of the apartment and let him go live out his life like the douchebag that he is. Good luck.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 3 years
I think that you guys are not officially together now (on a break, remember?) and most likely, he'll be spending his holidays with his new gf. What you need to do is the practical stuff, figure out if you want to stay in the place you're in or move out. If it's his dwelling, then I really suggest you give him a 30 day notice and move out (easier said than done, I know, sweetie), if it's 50-50 rights-wise, both names on the lease, etc, then you can ask him to move out or start packing after he got back from holiday and get yourself a new roommate, etc. You can let him know about you knowing and that you don't expect him to reconnect with you so you guys need to figure out your living arrangement and if you guys accumulate debt together during this year, you need to make arrangement, put it in writing and have it notarized about how you guys are going to pay for it. If he owes you money, put things in writing and get it notarized. All my advice for you is really really the practical one. I know you're sad and hurting, but it's not your fault that you're blindsided, give yourself time to grieve then time to heal. Good luck and I hope you well.

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