So I told him that I am breaking up with him. I suffered alot to make this dicision but at the end I found myself so afraid and repulsed when I thought about living the rest of my life with this man. I decided to focus on me and clear my head.
last night his friend called me. I had told this friend about my decision and he totally supported me telling me what my BF did was wrong on so many levels and he would definitely give him a speech about this. So this friend called, telling me he was just speaking with my (Ex) BF and he was in a terrible emotional crisis. He told me he had not seen him cry ever, and now he was crying like a baby, saying he fucked up big time and no matter how much he tries to bring me back he can't. he has said that this was a rock bottom in his life and he has never been this much tormented by the outcome of his own behavior.
then he, himself called me and again, crying, cursing himself in a was that was shocking to me, I was embaressed to even hear that. I told him to stop humilating himself but he didn't. he said he is already finished and like a dead man without me. he said the thought of losing me and seeing me with someone else in future would be the end of him.
I asked him if he admitted that he has a problem, a weakness when it came to women. he said, sadly yes. he did not want to admit it to himself but now he is seeing it and he is willing to take any therapy or anything I'd suggest.
I told him I didn't care and he should do it for himself, he was crushed again and said he would show me that there will be nothing like this anymore in our life. he would be so transparent that I would not even doubt him a bit. and as a start he gave me the password of his every internet emails, profiles and FB. I don't even want to look into that.
I don't know what to do. YES I loved him so much and our future plans and our beautiful memories have made me stuck in this. but I have NEVER seen him like this, he is usually extremely cocky and arrogant and he never never admits that he is wrong or have a problem. this has been a first. and I don't even want to rememer the terms he used to refer to himself when he was humilating himself.
I am so confused, I really don't want to see him suffer like this. he said that although he is so in love with me and I am perfect for him, and he can never imagine living without me, he has this weakness when it comes to sex :( he needs help and he is willing to do anything to cure himself as long as I stick around.
I feel sorry for him and on the other hand, I don't feel like it is the same person anymore, it is like he is this weak, needy man who can't control himself or fix his own issue on his own,
I don't know if my mad love for him is still in the mix of these feelings or not... uh, I need help too :(