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10 of the Worst Nail Polish Names

10 Absolutely Terrible Nail Polish Names

Who doesn't love a weird nail polish name? They're funny, creative, and one of the last refuges for shameless punning outside the New York Post's front page. But sometimes, the quirk and whimsy go too far, leaving us with polish names so bad we refuse to tell our friends what color we're wearing. So to see our picks for the most (hilariously) wrong shade names, just keep reading.

  1. OPI Conquistadorable ($8) — No one finds the Spanish Inquisition very cutesy.
  2. Illamasqua Phallic ($14) — It's sparkly and navy, which in an actual male unit might indicate a Viagra-aided disaster.
  3. Essie Fondola Gondola ($7) — We love you, Essie, but your obsession with gondoliers is making us uncomfortable.
  4. Mattese Dirty Slut ($6) — Why don't you tell us how you really feel?
  5. Bleachblack Jizz ($13) — "Oh, what's this on my fingertips? Just a little Jizz." No thanks.
  6. Nars Pussy Galore ($14) — Yeah, we know, it's a Bond reference. Still, our prudish side blushes.
  7. Naughty Nailz I'm Not Really a Whore ($14) — And if that's too tame, there's always Pounded on the Kitchen Table and, ugh, 12 Inch Gang Bang. Classy.
  8. OPI Fiji Weejee Fawn ($10) — There's nothing gross about this one; it's just totally absurd.
  9. Wet 'N' Wild Dream Poppy — Opiates and manicures, together at last!
  10. Revlon Raisin Rage ($4) — You won't like Revlon nail polish when it's angry.

Any others we missed?

Image Source: Thinkstock
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lizlee89 lizlee89 5 years
oops, I meant "stupid." by the way, I just went to Mattese Elite's nail polish because I am totally going to buy "Dirty Slut" (how can I not - plus it's a really pretty, sparkly lavender color) and they also have one called "Lilac Me All Over" - hahaha...
lizlee89 lizlee89 5 years
Most of these are either disgusting or just supid but to address "Future;" I kind of feel the same - I'm not saying these names aren't inappropriate, but ones like "Dirty Slut" are just hilarious. I won't say that we need more of these, but I too would love to answer "Vicious Trollop" (great GG reference!) when someone asks me what color I'm wearing on my lips...
Charblit Charblit 6 years
Whoever wrote the commentary on these polish names is hi-larious! I'm dying at 'Why don't you tell us how you really feel?'
summer210 summer210 6 years
Raisin Rage is a nice maroon color, the name's a little crazy, but nothing like some of these! I'm not a fan of the risque names either, Amber Honey. Revlon's polish might be angry, but at least "Midnight Affair" is as suggestive as it gets.
FutureInFashion FutureInFashion 6 years
Personally, I love makeup with names like "Dirty Slut". Any true fan of Gilmore Girls is surely always on the lookout for a lipstick called "Vicious Trollip". But "Jizz"? That's a bit much.
AmberHoney AmberHoney 6 years
I can't stand the names of cosmetics these days (yes, I'm old) I'm wearing "delight" right now. What the hell color is that? I know but you don't. They are stupid and mean nothing. Love the Spanish/Conquistador dialogue though - a lot :)
Ellenora Ellenora 6 years
I actually like the names Illamasqua comes up with. They're risque and edgy, yes, but the names often complement the color, unlike OPI or China Glaze in my opinion. And honestly, sometimes there's nothing better to start the day than with a little Freud. What's even better is when you wear both Illamasqua's Phallic and Rampage. I'm completely immature at times, I know.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
Nars really loves to use ridiculous names for their products... Pussy Galore polish, Orgasm blush, Deep Throat blush. Perhaps someone on their team is a little pervy? I can't believe those Naughty Nailz names. 12 Inch Gang Bang? FOR REALS?
Swangeese Swangeese 6 years
OPI-Miso Happy With This Color from the Japanese collection. Absolutely cringeworthy name.
Ladyseven Ladyseven 6 years
I have Dreamy Poppy- total mistake buy. It's a tacky, neon Barbie pink, and it's a horrible formula. I will say this for it- if I want a "puffy paint" look on my nails, it's great for toothpick application.
Beauty Beauty 6 years
Ah, you're right. Mea culpa. Been a (very) long week, but it's definitely a Monty Python reference. I should have been more clear. How about "No one expects the Spanish Inquisition" instead?
BloodyFuFu BloodyFuFu 6 years
Fiji Weejee Fawn is my current favorite color! I know the name is ridiculous but the color is fabulous.
hollylyn hollylyn 6 years
Maybe Bella meant that no one finds the spread of small pox adorable... It's an awesome color, though.
beauty-addict153282 beauty-addict153282 6 years
Bella, these were hysterical. I totally needed this today. TGIF!
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