- OPI Conquistadorable ($8) — No one finds the Spanish Inquisition very cutesy.
- Illamasqua Phallic ($14) — It's sparkly and navy, which in an actual male unit might indicate a Viagra-aided disaster.
- Essie Fondola Gondola ($7) — We love you, Essie, but your obsession with gondoliers is making us uncomfortable.
- Mattese Dirty Slut ($6) — Why don't you tell us how you really feel?
- Bleachblack Jizz ($13) — "Oh, what's this on my fingertips? Just a little Jizz." No thanks.
- Nars Pussy Galore ($14) — Yeah, we know, it's a Bond reference. Still, our prudish side blushes.
- Naughty Nailz I'm Not Really a Whore ($14) — And if that's too tame, there's always Pounded on the Kitchen Table and, ugh, 12 Inch Gang Bang. Classy.
- OPI Fiji Weejee Fawn ($10) — There's nothing gross about this one; it's just totally absurd.
- Wet 'N' Wild Dream Poppy — Opiates and manicures, together at last!
- Revlon Raisin Rage ($4) — You won't like Revlon nail polish when it's angry.
Any others we missed?