- "Never purchase beauty products in a hardware store." — As featured in Neverisms: A Quotation Lover's Guide to Things You Should Never Do, Never
- "It's a good idea to apply an all-over facial pack once or twice a month, but I never, never use mud. (Frankly, it brings up unpleasant memories.)" — Miss Piggy's Guide to Life
- "Beauty is a blessing and a burden. One must celebrate the blessing of being beautiful, and yet bear the burden of attracting freaks who want to sunbathe in the reflected gorgeousity of moi's porcine pulchritude. But, then again, who can blame them?" — As told to Pop Magazine.
- [On men:] "Ask yourself if he's such a hunk that he's worth it. If so, get more mirrors. If not, dump him . . . but get more mirrors anyway. After all, narcissism isn't a bad thing if it's about vous." — The Diva Code: Miss Piggy on Life, Love, and the 10,000 Idiotic Things Men Frogs Do
- "Especially for the Christmas season I use a champagne shampoo, followed by an eggnog rinse. It gives my hair extra body. And if I take a bath in the stuff, it gives my body extra body, too." — As quoted in McCall's December 1980 issue
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