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Jessica's Substitute Man

Jessica's Substitute Man

Jessica has been having some bad luck in the man department. But after the end of her marriage, and rumored romances that have failed, Jessica has found a substitute for a man. She is now wearing a rooster necklace which she says is a symbol for the lack of sex in her life. The rooster is her "C word." Here's more:

"This is my c**k! This is about as raunchy as I get these days. "I don't have a c**k at the moment, so I wear one around my neck. I found this when I was antiquing. "I saw it and said to myself, I've found my c**k! I've found my man!"

More pics of the Simpson sisters in London so


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stone_soup stone_soup 10 years
cheesy, lame and stupid. ____________________________________ Don't tick me off. Or you'll get it.
sugar_bear sugar_bear 10 years
sugar_bear! Sounds trashy, but hey. . . I guess she can say what she wants!
paigesweetkisses paigesweetkisses 10 years
she is definately having a terribe makeup day.. as far as the rest of this goes - SHE NEEDS TO FIND A MAN, & FAST.
Luna13 Luna13 10 years
weird comment
siouxsie siouxsie 10 years
i just ...sigh..i give up
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 10 years
I think Jess should learn she doesn't need to tell the public every little thing. The necklace is something she could have as a private joke and doesn't need to fill the world in on it. Nobody would make the connection between the necklace and her lack of a man if she didn't tell everyone what it's about. And she looks terrible in the pictures too.
JennaV JennaV 10 years
She's not fat but I agree with everything else, Lauren.
LaurenG22 LaurenG22 10 years
shes fat, ugly and really needs to hire a new stylist
nyaradzom2001 nyaradzom2001 10 years
Yeah but Mariah says she's slept with 5 guys so I think that promise kinda sorta got lost somewhere in betweeen Eminem and Luis Miguel. Christian values or no christian values if i ever get divorced I am so not going celibate what if I never marry again lol merry.
atoxicsparkle atoxicsparkle 10 years
she looks like a 3 cent harlot with all that make-up...fakety fake fake fake
clepiau clepiau 10 years
Nice, Jessica. Real nice.
Hollygolitely Hollygolitely 10 years
At least she's not pretending to be a good girl anymore. That was more annoying than her white trash comments. I'd rather her act the way she really is than do all that slut stuff in her videos and then talk about christian values. This is the real Jessica. Nick must be really embarrassed that his ex is this slutty.
nomerz nomerz 10 years
She looks like sh*t, and I am convinced it's humanly impossible for the girl to keep her mouth closed. I think Ashlee is the sane one in that family...
DulceSkye DulceSkye 10 years
They all stopped being devout Christians when they saw it wasn't profitable.
AdventureGirl AdventureGirl 10 years
She really is brain dead, isn't she?
mar mar 10 years
Yeah, they sold thier souls to the devil a real long time ago
merryunbirthday merryunbirthday 10 years
If Jess was being true to her Christian values, she wouldn't be intimate until she was married again. However, it seems that Papa Joe & Co have thrown the baby out with the bathwater as far as that's concerned.
merryunbirthday merryunbirthday 10 years
nyara, I totally remember Mariah Carey claiming that after her split from her record exec man that she wouldn't do it until she was married again.
TNgirl TNgirl 10 years
Did she really think that we needed to know that? TMI Jess. Happy Mangy Mutt Monday everyone! :)
nyaradzom2001 nyaradzom2001 10 years
I thought it was funny and the girl ain't a virgin no more so I don't think there is need to act all innocent and pure when she was making nick wear her heels in the bedroom.
Kaciegrrl Kaciegrrl 10 years
Cllllllllassy, Jessica.
pollypo pollypo 10 years
What is up with the eye makeup? It looks like she was going for the whole "smoky eye" look, but it's gone horribly awry.
merryunbirthday merryunbirthday 10 years
I totally agree Dulce & Jen. This is something that would be funny over drinks w/ the girls, but def not for the general public. It loses something in translation.
merryunbirthday merryunbirthday 10 years
WHAT?!?! le sigh. So, whatever happened to virginal Jessica? Call me completely naive, but I'm assuming she's not waiting to have sex until she's married again?
jennifer76 jennifer76 10 years
LOL Skye, jinx!
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