Michelle Williams graces the cover of Vogue's October issue, opening up about Heath Ledger for her first magazine interview since his death. The actress looks gorgeous as she promotes her pushed-back Shutter Island and provides us an in-depth look at how she and Matilda are dealing with their life after Heath's passing. She reveals she is no longer dating Spike Jonze, but sounds like she's staying strong as a single parent. Here's more:
- On dealing with Heath's death: "I have been severely accident-prone over the past 12 months. I fell downstairs, broke a toe, put my fingers in a blender — seriously distracted. [I would often] cry, nap, sit and stare, try to figure out what to make [Matilda] for dinner, talk to friends on the phone. I was holding it together by a string and a paper clip in the Fall and Winter. I didn’t know if I could keep it all together."
- On grieving with Matilda: "I just don’t see the upside to this. You console yourself by saying it’s all a deepening process. But it’s weird. After the first year, the pain is less intense; it’s less immediate. But the magical thinking goes away, too. And that’s a whole new reckoning. But every time I really miss him and wonder where he’s gone, I just look at her."
- On splitting with Spike Jonze: "The timing was impossible. I thought falling in love again was the only thing that was going to save me from the pain. This erroneous idea: it just makes things more complicated."
To read what Michelle had to say about her break up with Heath and her future just
- On before Heath died: "Brokeback Mountain was an unrepeatable moment in time, a very charmed time in my life. I was in love; I was in a movie I was proud to be a part of, and with a beautiful brand-new baby. Everything was good in that moment. [After we split I started filming a movie in Sweden because] I just didn’t want to be at home. Geography is a great solution for heartbreak."
- On waiting so long before she started to do interviews: "I didn’t know what my boundaries were for a long time, which made interviews feel very unsafe. I can talk about grief, because that’s mine; about single parenting; about trying to balance work and kids. But what I don’t have to talk about is what happened between Heath and me in our relationship."
- On dating while having a daughter: "I obviously don’t know how to [date with a child, but] I’m falling more and more in love with her and I think she deserves the bulk of my attention. We’re lucky. I can work. She can go to a good school. There’s a lot there for her. And she can know her dad in so many ways, and so many of his friends who will be able to tell her so many stories. His friends, his family — they were a big part of his life, and they will be a big part of her life."
- On her future: "I feel hopeful and grateful. For a while I thought we had lost everything. It makes you want to love better and live better and treat people better.There is a great Gloria Steinem quote — and I’m paraphrasing — ‘Become the man you want to marry.’ I’ve taken that on. What qualities do I find attractive, and can I find them in myself? What am I missing? Can I be that for myself?"