This week on
The Adrianna Show 90210, Adrianna can't believe she's pregnant and slips into a delusional fog seemingly induced by an overdose of coffee. I didn't count, but seriously, how many times do you think Adrianna raised a cup of Joe to her lips? I might go with a bajillion.
Meanwhile, teacher Ryan is back and he's so burned out, you guys! He was banished to one of the Dakotas this whole time and returns to West Beverly High with a chip on his shoulder and his teaching spirit crushed. Kelly Taylor's also in this episode and totally assumes Ryan's dark mood is her fault. Which is just a small taste of all the hilariously ridiculous moments we need to discuss. Ready? Just read more.
- The episode opens with the entire school buzzing about auditions for Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra. They're hanging banners! They're bringing in prop thingies! And the play hasn't even started! How festive.
- Ethan spots Annie down the hall chatting up some friends (since when does Annie have friends who aren't Silver?) and she starts reading him some of Cleopatra's lines. She then tells him, "It's a role that I always thought I'd play eventually" and begs him to try out too.
- Oh but that sly Ty is back, and let's just say there are some sour grapes there. He and Ethan have a dude-off (Ethan: "I like the way you wear your jeans just one size too small." Ty to Annie: "We can hang out and do the whole backstage thing").
- Ryan confides to Harry, his banisher, that he's just not feelin' the whole teaching thing anymore ("I think my Dead Poets Society days are over").
- When Ryan whines the same thing to Kelly, she's totally awesome and snaps back, "You're burned out? You're 23."
- When Ryan actually gets into the classroom he's totally an a-hole. He gets straight to publicly kicking Silver out of his class. Why? "Calling me a child-molesting pervert and almost costing me my job." Silver :"Oh right. My bad."
Aunt BeckyDebbie was all over the place with her cute, home-spun wisdom. She gives Dixon some solid advice on being straightforward and tries to cheer Annie up with stories about how she never got to work at Vogue. I think Debbie might be my favorite character simply because I'm never, ever annoyed by her.
- Dixon takes some of his mom's advice and breaks up with Silver. Boo. He doesn't say why or anything and just runs away.
- Naomi's little storyline is kind of funny. Her mom basically had a nervous breakdown due to the whole found-my-son-but-he's-a-con-artist stuff and has to move in with her dad. Gail, the dad's girlfriend, is peeved Naomi dries her hair at night and Naomi responds, "If I sleep on wet hair it's a crap fiesta in the morning." Can anyone envision a crap fiesta? That sounds way gross.
- Turns out dad is cheating on his girlfriend/ex-mistress with the real estate lady, so Naomi gets to live in a hotel. Which is pretty awesome for a high schooler.
- Just for fun, let's count all the Adrianna dramas so far: overdose, drug addiction, rehab, promiscuity, HIV scare, pregnancy, dumped by boyfriend, and now near death from a car wreck.
- Adrianna manages to land the lead in the play (once again thwarting Annie!) by showing up late and performing the suicide scene for the new, spunky New York drama teacher.
- Oh, but the joke's on Adrianna after all because, turns out, she got herself knocked up by Ty! I thought Adrianna just made it look like she slept with Ty back when she was thwarting Annie? Or did she sleep with Ty some other time? Regardless, this Hank character that we've all sort of thought was the father isn't. It's Ty.
- Finally, it turns out Adrianna was in preggers denial a really long time because she's not allowed to get an abortion (I'm not even going to touch how not accurate this is in the real world). I want Naomi and Adrianna to raise the baby together forever in the hotel. The End.
Ryan loves being a teacher again! He's clearly going to have a crush on the drama teacher! And Dixon and Silver are dunzo. What did you all think of this episode?
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Photos courtesy of The CW