It's a nice day for a white wedding on this week's episode of Game of Thrones. OK, so the bride doesn't exactly wear white, and it's not really a nice wedding in the end, but you get the idea. Sansa and Tyrion tie the knot in front of enemies, family, and some more enemies. Thankfully, there's a lot of wine to help it all go down easier.
Elsewhere, Gendry gets duped by Melisandre, Dany makes a new friend, and Sam has a moment of courage that saves three lives. I kinda missed Jon, Jaime, and Brienne this week, but with all the wedding drama, there's not time for much else. Let's break down all the biggest moments when you
- The unhappiest day of their lives. So, it's official: Sansa is now Mrs. Tyrion Lannister! The only person who is perhaps less thrilled than Sansa is Tyrion, who copes with his big day by drowning his sorrows in wine. Joffrey manages to make everything worse by walking Sansa down the aisle (ew), then forcing Tyrion to perform the ceremony without a step stool (ew), and basically threatening to rape Sansa (ew!). At least Tyrion finally gives it to Joffrey by threatening to give him the Varys Special. The other silver lining is that Tyrion promises Sansa that he'll never hurt her and keeps that promise by telling her that they won't sleep together until she's ready.
- Bloody hell. Melisandre's relationship with Gendry gets a lot more interesting this week, to say the least. To get him primed for sacrifice, she wines him and seduces him — classy. I was hoping Gendry would have a little more willpower, but once she goes full monty, he's toast. He gets a little bit of sex in before Melisandre ties him up and sics three leeches on him. (Theon feels your pain, Gendry!) Gendry emerges mostly unscathed, but his blood is used for a spell to do away with Robb Stark, Balon Greyjoy, and Joffrey Baratheon. I have no problem with saying bye-bye to Balon and Joff, but Robb? Let's just hope Melisandre isn't as good as she thinks she is.
- Splish, splash. Dany sets her sights on a new army of sellswords who call themselves the Second Sons. Unfortunately, their leader is more interested in objectifying Dany than teaming up with her. He tasks one of his men with the duty of sneaking into her room and killing her, but the guy, Daario Naharis, decides to ally with Dany instead. After intruding on Dany while she's in the tub, he confesses that he killed his captains and is ready to swear his sword and his heart to her. I'm sure Jorah is gonna love this development.
- Sister, sister: Cersei literally threatens to strangle Margaery in her sleep. Not a huge moment in the episode, but still worth mentioning. Classic Cersei!
- Sam the Slayer! Sam and Gilly are having a good old-fashioned game of "Name the Baby" when they're rudely interrupted by Old Man White Walker. Instead of running away, Sam stands up to the supernatural beast and finds that the power to kill the White Walkers has been in his pocket the whole time! He takes him down using his dagger, watching him wither away into nothingness. Awesome.
What did you think of this week's episode?