This week's episode of Gossip Girl is pretty dark, and I'm not just talking about the funeral wardrobe. In the spirit of not being too spoilery, I won't say who kicks the bucket, but let's just say it sounds like Dart Lass. Tragedy seems to have put a halt to this humanizing of Chuck that's gone on all season (hanging with Eric, softening to Blair, etc.). This episode's awesome because Ed Westwick is given carte blanche to be as over-the-top as he could possibly muster.
The result? A lot of lurking and a new Dark Knight-esque voice — but more on that in a second. The other plotline swirling around in this episode is the Lily-Rufus-Dan-Serena "I like you but our parents like each other" complication that made my head spin. And then there's a wedding. Oh and then there's the big old Lily secret that threatens to tear the world apart! OK, not really — I just love typing that. The secret's a doozy, though, so let's start chatting about it. Just read more.
- Grandma van der Woodsen is definitely in the house in this episode. It's never quite clear if CeCe has good intentions or evil, but she definitely likes gin in the morning, which is fun.
- Everyone is sad and shocked by Bart's death but no one can reach Chuck. Blair says the hotel told her they're sending up food, so at least she knows that "there's something alive in that room."
- I'm no fan of Aaron's because he lacks a personality and doesn't make up for that by being fun to look at, but I was sort of on his side initially with Dan being all over his girlfriend. (Serena: "Dan's been such a rock.") It's obnoxious when they both get texts from her and Dan's all, "I got mine first!"
- Lily tells Rufus that she feels guilty that she was about to end her marriage to Bart when he died and she couldn't bear to listen to his final voice message to her. Well, in true Bass form, Bart didn't leave a bunch of sweet nothings on her phone but a threat that he knows her secrets. Sheesh.
- When Chuck finally emerges he's . . . disheveled! And mean. And tossing around terms like "whore" and "b*tch." (On Lily: "B*tch is the reason my father is dead.")
- He's also sporting a funny, deep, gravelly voice that sounds like Christian Bale as Batman, but worse. It made me laugh.
- Chuck's also super wasted, because nothing numbs grief like hitting the bottle (. . . or the drugs?) on this show.
- Most of the episode goes by with nearly everyone in the dark about Lily and Rufus's little meet-up when Bart died. So when Dan gets kicked out of the funeral by Chuck and he tells Rufus that according to Chuck, "my father killed his father," it's actually news to him.
- So everyone's trying to get through to Chuck (including Blair, who declares her love for him!) but the cheesiest line of the night goes to Eric, who's saddled with delivering this doozy: "I just lost my stepfather. I don't want to lose my brother, too."
- Poor Blair! After she tells him powerful things like "We're Chuck and Blair!" he spits back, "We talked about this. You are not my girlfriend."
- Thankfully Blair has Cyrus to lean on. Aw! How cute are they?
- The wedding's so cute, too. Love Eleanor and Cyrus together. But here's a question: Why did the writers bother making Aaron Cyrus's son when they never interact? Blair and Serena haven't even discussed (as you'd expect BFFs to) the fact that Serena's boyfriend will now be Blair's stepbrother. Which actually makes them even, as the guy Blair loves is Serena's stepbrother. Or was. Man, this is complicated.
- And while we're on the topic of crazy stuff, it's weird to me that for Serena it's either Dan or Aaron. Because her mom loves Rufus, she buries her feelings for Dan and therefore has to "try to make things work with Aaron." If you have to try so hard, maybe you should just be single for a sec.
- I knew it! Lily had a secret love-baby with Rufus back in the day. I can't wait for the Serena/Dan half-brother/sister to show up!
- OK, I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I totally cried during Eleanor and Cyrus's vows . . . followed by more crying when Chuck and Blair hug in her room. Pathetic, really, but I couldn't help it.
- How pretty did Dorota look? She's so sparkly at the wedding!
- Less sparkly: Chuck's note to Blair. "I'm sorry for everything. You deserve much better. Don't come looking for me. —Chuck"
Wow, that's a lot to digest, so what did you all think of this episode? Sound off below!
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Photos courtesy of The CW