The good news about this week's episode of Gossip Girl? Vanessa is not as annoying as she was last week and is actually lots more fun now that she's gone over to the dark side (hanging out and scheming with Chuck).
The bad news? Jenny Humphrey is back to whining and tantrum throwing about how much people just don't understand . . . or something. Thankfully, she's moved past her angry eyeliner phase, but she just seems kind of sad and deflated. Also, a lot of what's happening with the characters right now makes little to no sense.
But back to the good stuff: Poppy Lifton is back to remind Serena how fabulous she could be, and Dan has one fan! Let's chat about it — just
- I'm still dealing with my disappointment over the fact that Blair's downward spiral was superbrief. She is sort of prissy and girly this episode and is tip-toeing around town mooning over Nate. She tells Serena, "My downward spiral's on the upturn." Boo to that.
- Hey, remember when Dan was published in The New Yorker? Well, it turns out his story really touched someone, and he's very excited to have one whole fan! Jenny's joke about his letter is kind of mean: "What, did you send it to yourself?"
- So we find out that Nate and Vanessa haven't spoken since she walked out of his party. Look, I'm the first to admit how irritating her behavior was, but that warrants a breakup?
- I loved Serena and Poppy's awkward and b*tchy run-in with each other. Poppy's passive aggression is entertaining: "Sounds like everything's exactly the same as the last time I saw you!"
- I laughed out loud when Chuck's evil mug appears out of nowhere at the Humphrey/van der Woodsen breakfast table. I forgot he's part of the fam!
- The ensuing banter between Chuck and Dan is pretty fun, too. Dan wonders what Chuck Bass has to do at 8 a.m. and jokes, "It's not like you work out," to which Chuck replies, "I do my cardio in the evening." Then Dan says something funny about feeling like he's in a reality show, to which Chuck replies he'd vote Dan off.
- What Chuck is really up to is figuring out how to break up Nate and Blair and sends Vanessa an email from Nate's account. When Vanessa asks how he did that, he responds, "His password's been 'soccer' since the fifth grade." Oh, simple, pretty Nate.
- What is wrong with Jenny?! When your dad's super-nice, super-rich girlfriend says she's throwing you a sweet 16 party with the help of her popular daughter, you say: "Cool! Thanks!" I mean, why not?
- Well apparently the reason is — according to Eric — Jenny has no friends. She's a whole new character now, and I don't get it. Hungry Hungry Hippos? Chili?
- After some convoluted Angelina-Brad-Jennifer analogy, Blair decides Nate is her soul mate: "Chuck was just something I had to get out of my system in order to realize Nate is my destiny all along." I hope I didn't talk like that when I was a senior in high school.
- So who knew a simple post on Gossip Girl's site could turn a party on the Upper East Side into a kegger? Kind of a stretch but still a bratty Jenny move.
- Dan and Serena are now acting like brother and sister. Aw. And by "aw" I mean "weird!"
- Vanessa and Chuck hanging out together and then having sex made little sense. But it was still kind of fun in its own ridiculous way.
- Everyone runs around the whole episode talking about what a good guy Nate is but . . . is he? He totally just starts stuff up with Blair (kind of) and then dumps Vanessa because of one fight?
- Finally, Dorota's boyfriend is Serena's doorman and . . . he's reading Ann Coulter? That's so strange.
So Poppy's man is someone Serena may have slept with while hanging out with Georgina back when she was bad. And Dan's "fan" is really his half-brother that everyone thinks is dead. How weird were those parents? "How do you delete an incoming call?" And Nate and Blair = together 4 ever? Hmmm. What did you all think of this episode?
Photos courtesy of The CW