This week's season finale of Gossip Girl is everything I've come to expect from this show in terms of the way it ties up loose ends. It ties them, and then it unties them, and then it ties them again. All in an hour. The writers basically throw at us everything they've established over the season — and then some.
As Gossip Girl dumps out all the characters' secrets throughout this finale I found myself completely unmoved in terms of shock value. Who can remember what's still a scandalous secret and what's not? And do any of these "secrets" matter much anymore? However, given all that, I still had fun with this episode. What can I say? I'm addicted.
It's all a whirlwind of information that we have to talk about, so
- First of all, I love Serena logic: "Gossip Girl does not report in college." That's when I knew, without a doubt, Gossip Girl would be reporting in college next year.
- Vanessa shows up to graduation with her video camera, of course. This gives Nate the opportunity to apologize for dumping her for Blair. Vanessa's all, "That means a lot." Then Nate's all, "Stop by my party." All better.
- Um, what is Jenny wearing at graduation?! It's kind of hard to root for Little J when she runs around looking like she's been up for 32 hours, drinking.
- Ha! Dan's name is left off of the graduation program! Congratulations, Don.
- At graduation, Gossip Girl strikes! And she gives everyone — gasp! — labels. Dan is the "insider," Nate's a "whore" (awesome), and Serena's "irrelevant." However, Nate's "whore" label only refers to the actual exchange of money for sex, not the fact that he's been with every girl on this show, which is what first came to my mind.
- Could Rufus and Lily be more boring? I love how being "wild and crazy" means sitting on the floor discussing things and reminiscing. And what is in Lily's brown bag that she stole from Chuck? Why do I find it hard to believe Chuck would keep his fun drugs in a grubby paper sack?
- The best ever, though, is when Serena decides Gossip Girl is going down and then everyone gathers up to think out who it could be (Chuck: "I'm gonna run some stats").
- Then they're all, "Hang on. It's just occurring to me now that Gossip Girl posts about us a lot. I bet she goes to our school!" It took them until senior year to deduce this?
- Anyone else still think Gossip Girl might be Nelly Yuki? Were they being obvious about making us think that so that we'd all go, "That's too obvious"? Mind games!
- Chuck and Blair's little sexy game ("Do you like my headband?"— ha!) was so ridiculous it made me wince and then laugh.
- The best bomb of the night is Carter's announcement that he found Serena's dad (who we actually met in the '80s flashback as a young d-bag).
- Finally, Dan's half-brother, who's clearly stalking him, pretends he's going to Europe with Vanessa? OK. They all laugh, though, and then continue with their conversation as if a stranger didn't just interrupt them randomly.
Jenny is crowned queen by Blair and she will destroy the monarchy but first: headbands. Everyone is going to school in New York except for Serena but she'll get there next year, I'm not worried about that. Georgina is going to be roommates with Blair because the way college housing works is anyone can walk into an office and request a room with anyone else and it shall be done. Still, that will be a lot of fun. Finally, Blair and Chuck in love! What did you think of the finale? Jumbled mess? Loads of fun? Or a little of both?
Photos courtesy of The CW