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"House" Recap: Episode 16, "Top Secret"

"House" Recap: Episode 16, "Top Secret"

We're back (finally) with the first of eight new episodes of "House." This one was a bit of a doozy, with saucy on-the-job sex and a plotline that had me thinking more about House's naughty bits than I ever really wanted to.

The episode starts with footage of soldiers who get caught in a sudden explosion. One of the soldiers is dragged, minus a leg, from the wreckage, and as the camera pans back, we see House's face on the guy’s body. Ah, it's a nightmare. A psychic nightmare, apparently, because House soon gets assigned to a guy with Gulf War Syndrome — and the guy looks like the solider who dragged House to safety in the dream. This baffles House, who tells Wilson that even though he can do many wonderful things (bring two women to simultaneous ecstasy, etc.), he can't dream about someone he's never met. He sets the team to work researching the guy, from his credit history to any TV appearances that could explain why House knew his face. To see where it goes from there,

The team doesn't really believe Gulf War Syndrome exists, so they start testing the patient for other diseases, including a sleep disorder. Cameron and Chase are supposed to monitor the guy while he sleeps, but they steal away to have sex in an observation room. Meanwhile, the guy wakes up smelling something awful, and Foreman wanders by in time to inform the guy that the smell is coming from a nasty infection in his mouth. The infection usually comes from oral sex, which the guy swears he hasn't performed in more than a year (House: "Selfish bastard"), so the team decides the guy has cancer.

This seems as good a time as any to mention that throughout this episode, House can't pee. Whether caused by the Vicodin, as Wilson suggests, or not, it leads to lots of scenes with House soaking in the bathtub, limping more than usual, and putting ice down his pants. Foreman, meanwhile, questions Chase and Cameron about their absence, and Cameron says flatly that they snuck away to have sex. Foreman cracks up at this ridiculous notion. Chase, though, becomes convinced that Cameron wants to get caught — possibly to give House a reason to be jealous? — and puts the kibosh on doing it at work.

The patient suddenly starts to go deaf, and Wilson finds six tumors in his brain, which is baffling — tumors don't usually grow that fast. Oddly, by the time the surgeons go to operate on the guy, the tumors are gone, but his legs are numb. House picks that moment to go home and try to sleep off his peeing issue, but not before inserting his own catheter. Ew. Then a bunch of stuff happens with the patient, but it turns out to be just a dream House is having while wetting his bed. When he returns to the hospital, he diagnoses the patient some rare genetic disease, and I don't understand the explanation at all, but hey, it's "House."

The disease isn't House's only revelation: Turns out, he recognized the patient because he's a guy Cuddy went on a date with a couple of years ago. I always thought the Cuddy/House flirtation was kind of a joke, but if he remembers her past dates that well, maybe there's more to it. Anyway, Cuddy tells him to get over her: no more staring at her ass, interrupting her dates, or fantasizing about her in the shower. Aw, what fun is that? She tells him that ship sailed, he shoots back that if she's talking about her ass, it's more like a supertanker, and she just grins back. Then House manages to interrupt yet another dalliance between Chase and Cameron. Hands to yourselves, kids.

Is Cameron over House? Will House ever get over Cuddy? And what are we to make of the news that House might have a new love interest before the season's out? Discuss.

Photos courtesy of Fox

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