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Jumper: Teleport Yourself Far Away From This One

The sci-fi "thriller" Jumper can be described in one word: empty. Pretty much everything about this movie is devoid of any real energy, passion or substance. The performances are stale and lifeless, the plot is interesting in theory but fails in execution and the visuals aren't cool enough to keep us engaged. The plot is boringly similar to that of Heroes (which is itself like a clone of X-Men), and yet Heroes is so much more enjoyable. At least Heroes features intriguing characters who might band together for a higher purpose. Lacking both good characters and any kind of higher purpose, Jumper just lays there.

Here's the plot: David (Christensen) is a "Jumper," someone who can teleport himself. The Jumpers of the world are at odds with the Paladins, and one Paladin in particular, Roland (Samuel L. Jackson) is on a mission to rid the world of all Jumpers everywhere. In his pursuit, he has no problem killing all of the jumpers' loved ones. Hence, David's lady friend Millie (Rachel Bilson) is in danger, and David must protect her as well as elude Roland's grasp. That's it for the story, but for more of my thoughts on the film,

.

In a seriously empty movie, the emptiest part is Hayden Christensen on whom I think we'd be hard-pressed to find a pulse. He must have been stoked to get this part that requires so little of him because this way he can be comatose onscreen and people are left to wonder if it's the actor or the material. I suspect it's a little bit of both, though Christensen definitely needs to be held accountable for his dismal performance. It angers me that he can't even be bothered to, say, add any kind of inflection to his voice. As though we're the ones wasting his time and not the other way around.

And in tired repetition of an old formula, the main female character is helpless and outrageously stupid and the lone black character is the face of evil. David's mother, played by Diane Lane, is also a hateful character. Christensen makes it impossible for us to care about David, so that leaves one interesting character: David's fellow Jumper Griffin, played with some degree of liveliness by Jamie Bell. When the audience is longing to find out more about this secondary character to the point of being annoyed with the protagonists for getting in the way of his story, there's a problem. Unless your eyes need some exercise in rolling, I think it's best you jump away from this movie.

For exclusive videos about Jumper — including a preview video — check out movies.ivillage.com.

Photos courtesy of 20th Century Fox


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snarkypants snarkypants 8 years
not surprising at all. i was wondering why it was getting so much hype cuz i thought it looked terrible from the previews
Justinsbelle Justinsbelle 8 years
I saw this movie Friday and I actually really liked it. There was just something about it that I liked and enjoyed. and I'm a huge Rachel Bilson fan so that helped. I dont think it deserves all the bad reviews. I mean I'm not saying it's oscar worthy but its a good movie.
kikidawn kikidawn 8 years
Saw it this weekend. It was an ok movie. I think the plot needed more development. but.... w/e. Just wait to rent or watch on TV
GossipAngela GossipAngela 8 years
Knew it. Ever since i saw the preview when i was watching 27Dress, this looked like an empty sorta of movie. Nothing deep or thought provoking. I agree that Bilson's character was a bit wayy too helpless.
Jabbadoo Jabbadoo 8 years
This review was generous. What an awful empty movie. I think the idea was good, and the beginning was good... but once it got past young David, and Hayden started "acting" it really was awful. Characters were badly thought out, and Rachel Bilson's character was stupid. I squirmed in my seat wanting it to be over. The marketing people did a good job, because it came in at number one over the weekend... I'm sure they knew it had to be a big open, because once the reviews started, that would be it. ( And this comes from a person who will pretty much sit through any movie...)
Bookish Bookish 8 years
My husband wanted to see it on his birthday Saturday, so we went together. It was entertaining. It's not going to be classic cinema by any stretch of the imagination, but it was a nice piece of fluff- a good popcorn movie.
SparklinSeahorSe SparklinSeahorSe 8 years
this makes me sad. i was really looking forward to seeing this but i don't think i'm going to bother now with all of the bad reviews I've been reading!
yyam084 yyam084 8 years
don't care about the reviews just care that i saw my favorite actress rachel bilson on the movie !
pargie pargie 8 years
I wanted to see it too--especially with Hayden, Diane, Rachel, and Samuel. Not to mention the "From the people who brought you The Bourne Identity..." promo. I think I'll wait to rent it too.
hell00kitty hell00kitty 8 years
i saw this movie the other night, and i have to agree it's quite "empty". i did think the action and concept was entertaining. But the story line sucks, and the characters dont give the audience a whole lot. AND Racheal B. looks super not so good skinny. its a dud.
PinkNC PinkNC 8 years
I’m not angry with Buzz. Like I said...it’s just one person’s opinion, and we should see the movie before we believe one person on a blog. Some of the people here have already stated that the movie really wasn’t that bad at all, and they enjoyed it. Again, I will see the movie for myself before I make a final judgment.
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 8 years
PinkNC- "This is just one person's opinion on a blog." Well....true, but it is a movie review! Isn't that what Buzz is supposed to do? We can't get angry with her for giving a bad review, even if someone disagrees with it! I mean, the movie does look pretty terrible, I would not have been even tempted to see it except that Bilson is in it. Don't worry Molly, I think a lot of people like Bilson, so hopefully she will get some more chances. I think she's adorable, but I REALLY have a hard time picturing her doing a great job in an interesting movie. Hopefully some genius casting director will figure it out, and she'll get a chance in a decent movie!
snapsh0t snapsh0t 8 years
Ha.. Definitely not surprised by the quality of this one. A movie is a sum of its parts!
sabel sabel 8 years
I love this movie I like Rachel in this movie
Minlet Minlet 8 years
I wish I had read this review before I wasted nine dollars on this one. Your review is much too generous. It was downright awful.
Advah Advah 8 years
Haha loved this review Buzz, you sounds pretty angry about the film! :D I'm a bit disappointed to hear about H. Christensen; as much as I hated him in Star Wars 2 (and I *hated* him), I thought he was really good in Episode 3, especially considering he had to deal with George Lucas' famously terrible dialogues :rolleyes:. Anyway, I was hoping he'd be better than that. Guess I'll wait for the DVD, now I know the story a bit better, I'm not super excited about paying to see the film.
oh-lady-e oh-lady-e 8 years
This movie would make a terrific drinking game. Every time they jump, you take a sip. By the end, you won't even remember what the movie is called, let alone the storyline. And Hayden Christensen ruined Star Wars (Episodes 2&3). Soooo yeah, not really a big fan. He's pretty, though.
poisonivy poisonivy 8 years
It sucks. I'd advise to wait for video to watch this one or even TV. Seriously, there are way better movies out there to spend money on.
poisonivy poisonivy 8 years
It sucks. I'd advise to wait for video to watch this one or even TV. Seriously, there are way better movies out there to spend money on.
ElleJay ElleJay 8 years
I saw it last night- it wasn't that bad. It was entertaining and that's the reason why i go to the movies in the first place. And I wouldn't exactly call Rachel Bilson a "lead" actor in the movie either. She didn't have that big of a part.
xstarlightangelx xstarlightangelx 8 years
well that's disappointing to hear. i LOVE rachel and samuel! i'll have to see it anyway..
sabel sabel 8 years
Stephen king loved the movie!! I saw a great movie last week called Jumper … http://www.stephenking.com/
ashleygaidhlig ashleygaidhlig 8 years
I just saw this film last evening, and I didn't think it was that bad. The worst bit of it was with Samuel L Jackson, and his co-workers trying somehow to get rid of jumpers. It was a hell of a lot better than Definately, Maybe which was definately rubbish!
avienndha avienndha 8 years
Too bad. The book that I think it's based on is supposed to be great...
PinkNC PinkNC 8 years
I think this was just a bit too harsh and unneeded. I mean we must remember that this is just ONE person's opinion on a blog. I think I'll still see this movie with an open mind too. Hayden is a pretty good actor, so it may be the script that was crappy. But again, I think I will judge this movie after I see it for myself. This is only the opinion of one person so far. The movie just came out yesterday.
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