"And we're off! Like a herd of turtles."
Why does that line crack me up so much? In this episode of The Office, I love the pairing-up of Michael and Pam as Michael goes around to all the Dunder-Mifflin branches (except for Nashua) giving lectures on the secrets of his success at the Scranton branch ("My 11 business herbs and spices in a sales batter"). And then there's the pairing up of Dwight and Jim as party planners! All the while, Andy hopes to woo their pretty new client, Julia.
To check out some of my favorite moments, just make like a herd of turtles and
- The office phones have a PA system, which Michael enjoys until Jim walks in and cuts the line.
- Michael has packed a sled — no, a toboggan. I can't help hoping that will come into play during "Part Two" of this whole thing.
- One of the best things ever: Dwight and Jim talking straight into the camera together. They're like little boys.
- Everyone forgot Kelly's birthday and she's pretty miffed about it. "I think sometimes people are really mean to the hot, popular girl."
- Aww: Pam hates the idea of anyone hating her — even Al-Qaeda.
- I love how Phyllis doesn't even skip a beat: "She's out of your league, Andy."
Andy: "For your information I've been with lots of beautiful women."
Andy: "This conversation is over."
- Andy: "I am single now. What we have here is the ultimate smack-down between the Nard-dog and crippling despair, loneliness, and depression. . . . I intend to win."
- Karen walks out — or more accurately, waddles out — super pregnant and Michael immediately blurts out, "Is that Jim's?" and then goes on to say his head just exploded. "God, you're huge! That's incredible! Sorry, sorry, I'm just, I'm trying to figure out the last time you and Jim had sex . . . 10. . . 10 months?"
- Of course Dwight wants a very professional birthday party for Kelly: Brown and gray balloons because "they match the carpet" and a banner that reads "IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY." (Jim: "Not even an exclamation point?")
- I think we've learned that having two party planners is always a recipe for disaster! Dwight: "Are you trying to hurt my feelings? If so, you are succeeding. Fortunately my feelings regenerate at twice the speed as the average man."
- At his lecture, Michael goes through his way of memorizing everyone's names: Lazy Eye, Baldy, Black Woman and Sugar Boobs.
- I want every episode of The Office to include at least a little bit of Andy. He sings Feist's "1, 2, 3, 4" — but changing the words to have to do with how many Splendas he put in the coffee he brings Stanley and Julia. "1, 2, 3, 4 Splendas in your coffee, Stanley. None in yours, Julia, because I don't know how you take it. . ."
- Michael wanted to use a chainsaw in his presentation. That's . . . all there is to say about that.
- Michael: "So, is there a guy or a person or a sperm machine that did this to you?"
- Seriously! More Andy, always: "With regards to billing, should we send bills to you, or to your boyfriend's house . . . ?"
"How does your boyfriend deal with your phenomenal success? Is he just like, totally threatened by you, or . . ?"
- Andy announces that he's about to ask out this girl and Oscar mumbles something about finding his desk. Then Creed explains "how I got Squeaky Frome. No small talk, just show her who's the boss. Just go right in and kiss her."
Andy: "Sounds risky . . ."
Creed: "Have I ever steered you wrong, Jim?"
Andy: "Wait, what?"
- Julia: "What's a Nard-dog?"
Andy: "This is the Nard-dog." He goes in to kiss her!! Unsurprisingly, "We lost the account."
- When Jim sarcastically says that it's Mose calling him, Dwight fires back, "Mose doesn't know how to use a phone, so joke's on you!" Then Dwight looks up Kelly's file and thinks she served time at juvenile hall.
- Michael, on Holly: "She was the love of my life. What you and Jim have times a hundred. She . . . she just left. And I never got closure." Neither did we, Michael! Bring back Holly!
- Yay, Pam! "Screw 'em! Let's do this." Pam plans to blow off Rochester and go find Holly in Nashua, in the name of love.
- And of course Creed hands Jim a three-dollar bill! Of course. Love it.