Happy Valentine's Blood Drive, everyone! The theme of this week's episode of The Office may be a little belated but is no less funny or satisfying for it. Still stinging from his Holly heartbreak, of course Michael wants all the single employees at Dunder-Mifflin to have their own private Valentine's Day party (away from the "general sexiness" of Jim and Pam's relationship). For their part, the cutesy engaged couple escapes the office for a little while by going out to eat with Phyllis and Bob Vance — a meal that has a hilariously uncomfortable ending.
To check out some of my favorite parts from "Blood Drive,"
- I love this beginning with Jim and Pam (and Michael, unwittingly) getting rid of the phone guy: Thumbs splayed, "Ehhhhhh!"
- I think depending on your own personal viewpoint toward love and romance, the Jam stuff is either adorable or obnoxious. Jim: "You're only engaged once! Well, present company excluded."
Pam: "Really, Jim. On Cupid's birthday?"
- Kelly gets a Valentine from a "secret admirer:" "Roses are red, violets are blue. It's time for your dental cleaning, and maybe a checkup, too."
- Michael: "This is a very difficult day for a lot of people in this office. And the sexy looks between you and Pam, the general sexiness, the flowers, it's creating a bit of a hostile work environment."
Dwight: "So sexy it becomes hostile."
- Wow, this is probably my favorite part of all: Dwight says to camera, "I've trained my major blood vessels to retract into my body upon command. Also I can retract my penis up into itself." And then his face shifts a bit as, I'm assuming, he does just that.
- Aww, blood drive romance! I'm actually with Kelly on this one, as she gushes over Michael's tale (also, the term "a modern-day Enchanted" is hilarious). In the van he jokes, "I feel like a human juice box. A Hawaiian blood punch. Type Oooocean-Spray." The blood drive woman is so sweet and adorable!
- When Phyllis invites Pam and Jim out to eat, Jim says he has a lot of work to do. "Those mines aren't going to sweep themselves."
- Bob Vance" "I honestly don't know how you can work with that jackass. And that other jackass. And that new jackass."
Phyllis: "He's talking about Michael, Dwight and Andy."
- Michael wants everyone to tell their worst relationship stories. He asks Ryan about Kelly before pointing out to her that "now his heart is in Thailand, along with the rest of his body, having random sex."
- Angela says she's had another set of men duel over her, when she was living in Ohio. "John Mark and John David." It's also really cute when she becomes interested in Oscar's love troubles.
- Michael: "There's has to be a way to get all these lonely people together." (Dwight: "Net? A giant net?") Michael suggests a mixer, "an old-fashioned meat market," but Dwight scorns this. "Lonely people mixing with one another? Breeding? Creating an even lonelier generation? You're not letting natural selection do its work. You're like the guy who invented the seat belt."
- Michael: "I'm going to be Cupid, and I'm going to shoot my sparrow at unsuspecting victims and they're going to get hit and say, 'I'm in love! I was hit by Cupid's sparrow! Funny little bird but he gets the job done!'"
- Dwight learns that the woman he's talking to (who looks not unlike Angela . . . ) works for a company that puts out catalogs and when she says she uses tons of paper he makes a sound like drool gargling in his mouth.
- Ha! Phyllis and Bob get it on in the restroom at the restaurant. The expressions on Jim and Pam's faces as Bob feeds Phyllis a bite of meat? Amazing.
- Wow, I actually feel a little choked up when Kevin gets Lynn's card and grins, "Good Valentine's."
- I wish I'd heard from Creed about his love life in this episode, though it is totally gratifying to see him leave the blood truck with a bag of blood hanging out of his coat pocket.