The second episode of True Blood's fifth season is pretty boring in terms of plot: not much happens, and the whole introduction of the Vampire Authority is hardly exciting. Over at Sookie's house, Lafayette and Sook are trying to keep Tara in line, and we finally get a glimpse at something I've been wanting to see for the last couple of seasons: Pam's backstory.
Let's hope that the writers are just ramping up for some more action, but until now, we're still just seeing setup. To break down the best and worst events of the episode, just read more.
- Most out of control: Newborn vampire Tara is like an undead Tasmanian devil, rocketing all over Sookie's house and trying to sink her teeth into her BFF and Lafayette until Pam (aka her new maker) commands Tara not to bite either of them. Unfortunately, they still have to resort to extreme measures when they're afraid that she'll get out when the sun comes up, so they silver her and stash her in Eric's bunker. Lafayette is very close to staking her, until Sookie comes in with her one-woman "it gets better" campaign. Later, vamp Tara finally speaks to say that she'll never forgive either of them, and then runs off, unaffected by Sookie's silver mist.
- Lamest flashback: I've been waiting to see Pam's backstory for so long, so I was psyched when she flashes back to it, in 1905 San Francisco. Sadly, there's not much excitement in Pam's human life (except for those silly period costumes): she works in a brothel and she's no stranger to seeing murdered girls. We don't see her get turned quite yet, but we watch her meet Eric, who saves her from an attacker and reveals that he's a vampire. I'm a little disappointed in this glimpse: I want to know more about Pam's life before she got used to seeing death and had so much sadness behind her eyes.
- Biggest LOL: This week's werewolf drama is that Marcus's mother tells Alcide he's the new pack master since he killed the last, but Alcide respectfully declines to chew on Marcus's guts (maybe he just ate?). Martha moves onto her next agenda of seeing her granddaughter. Luna angrily asserts that Emma isn't a werewolf and kicks Martha out, and when Sam tries to reason with her, she kicks him out too. The joke is on Luna (and I mean it — it's so funny and not serious at all) when she walks into Emma's bedroom and finds her daughter as a werewolf puppy wearing a tiny nightgown. All I have to say is OMG LOL WHAT.
- Biggest pyro problem: Arlene tries to find out what's bugging Terry by visiting Patrick's hotel (or maybe she just wanted to be alone with Scott Foley in a hotel room) and asking for info. He plays coy, but Terry finally doesn't. After he suffers from his own combat flashbacks, he admits to Patrick that he agrees it may be their old friend who's starting the fires.
- Least decent proposal: Reverend Newlin hits up Jessica's house, where she's still having sweet college parties (that keg-holding move is something I wish I'd seen at frat parties). He has an offer for her: he'll give her $10,000 if he can have Jason. She plays along, negotiating, but ultimately tells Newlin to go fang himself because Jason is her friend.
- Oldest news: Jason is still getting crap about sleeping with everyone in town? We've heard this before. First, a kid busts into the sheriff's office to accuse him of breaking up his family (though I did laugh at "crazy Sharon"), and it motivates Jason to try to apologize to Hoyt one more time. He's still not having it, but he does get a pie from Hoyt's mother for getting him away from Jessica, so he can look forward to that.
- Most boring trade: Sigh. Bill and Eric's Vampire Authority story line has replaced the Terry/Patrick story as the show's most boring plot. They spend some time in lockup with other undesirables (I would like to never see or hear about Nigel Beckford again, thanks). Dieter Braun (find out more about him and the other Authority members here) interrogates Bill and tells us a thrilling story about vampire fundamentalists who believe that humans only exist to be vampire food. Dieter tells Bill that Nora is a fundamentalist and demands to know what he's doing with her. Bill denies his involvement in the Sanguinista Movement (doesn't Sanguinista sound like a delicious iced alcoholic beverage?), but the whole panel of Vampire Authoritarians (led by Christopher Meloni) still wants to give them the true death. Bill says they'll exchange Russell Edgington for their lives, and they agree. Snore.
What did you think of this week's episode of True Blood?
Photo courtesy of HBO