I'm hesitant to say it (because who knows what they'll throw at us next episode), but this week's True Blood ties up a lot of loose ends. Of course, when one fire monster retreats, another supernatural force is bound to spring up in its place. The Authority is on the rise after abolishing the law that says vampires can't feed in public, leading to some chaos in Fangtasia. Sookie is getting closer to finding out who killed her parents but ends up getting held hostage by "Obamas." We get a flashback at Alcide as a young pup, and it appears he's had the same haircut for about 20 years.
Russell and Steve Newlin appear to be the latest happy couple in Bon Temps, and Russell even bestows a canine present on his betrothed: Luna's wolfy daughter, Emma. I'm sure they won't be nearly as excited about her once she turns into a human again. Find out what else happened on this week's True Blood after the jump.
- Most mouthy medium: If I ever have ghosts I need to contact, then I'm calling Lafayette. Even if he couldn't get through to my spirits (though if this week's episode is any indication, then he probably wouldn't have any issues), then he could say hilarious things like, "Dead folk, why y'all gotta be so cryptic?" to cheer me up.
- Least romantic profession of love: Sam just kind of spits out that he loves Luna during their fight, and after a momentary stun, she shouts she loves him too. But there are no stars and rainbows; they just end the fight and that is that. Later, they bust in and save the day in their birthday suits, proving that the couple who fights crime in the nude together, stays together.
- Most quotable vamp: Though she doesn't have much screen time this week, Pam is still the reigning champion of quips. Among her best zingers this week: "Just 'cause we drained a b*tch together does not make us Oprah and Gayle." Also, to Tara: "We keep our heads down, our tits up, and our Tru Blood flowing."
- Worst wakeup call: Sookie's woken up in some unfortunate places in the past, but literally waking up in a pig pen is foul. It must have been momentarily comforting to see Hoyt tied up in the next stall over, except she quickly realizes he's in a drug coma. Will there ever exist a time when Sookie is just left alone, or is she forever destined to be held hostage?
- Least welcome return: Former Sheriff Bud Dearborne appeared a few episodes ago but, to be honest, I didn't give it much thought. I was really surprised at the reveal that he's married to the Grand Dragon of the "Obamas." Thankfully, his return is brief, because Andy takes him out. I'm hoping that story line is over for now; those masks are really freaking me out.
- Biggest misnomer: I do love that Bud's angry supremacist girlfriend's name is Sweetie. Even Sookie appreciates that irony.
- Best Samuel L. Jackson impression: I was shocked at Terry pulling the trigger on Patrick. I couldn't have been the only one who figured the Iraqi woman meaning of "the right thing" would be to spare Patrick's life and let him be with his wife and unborn baby. Nope, she means kill him, and kill him Terry does. I hope his marriage with Arlene can survive such a ghastly incident. I also hope they clean up after Patrick well, because they're violating about a million heath codes by killing him inside a restaurant.
- Most original cliffhanger: Hoyt may or may not be dead by way of pig stampede. He was also drugged and bound, but the perturbed pigs crushing his internal organs would probably be the culprits if he were to die this week. Any guesses as to whether he'll be back — dead or alive?
- Deepest turn to the dark side: Bill seems to be having some kind of existential, spiritual crisis. I thought Eric was really getting through to him, but Bill proves me wrong at the end when he double crosses Eric and lets The Authority in on his plan. Bro is really in deep now.
What did you think of this week's True Blood?