The season five finale of True Blood has vampire goo and true deaths all over the place. Seriously, the vampire body count is so high that I lost count — and really, it's just one vampire death that caused my jaw to drop this week. There's a final showdown with Russell Edgington, but the buildup is really all about Sookie and Eric confronting Bill at the Authority in order to talk some sense into Bill before he loses himself completely in Lilith craziness.
But it's not all stakes and declarations of religious devotion: Andy becomes a proud fairy papa, and Alcide takes on some new responsibility as well. The season wraps up in the kind of bonkers fashion that I got used to seeing for the past weeks on this show, so let's break it all down after the jump.
- Best surprise attack: Picking up from last week's cliffhanger, we see Russell poised to attack Sookie and her fairy kindred. All the fairies blast Russell at once to no avail, until Eric shows up and stakes him, finally giving the villain the true death. It's about time.
- Weirdest overdose: Alcide's weregirlfriend shows up going crazy on V because pack leader JD has been force-feeding the pack vampire blood. It's the last straw for Alcide, who hunts down JD and brutally kills him in front of the pack, who kneel before him as their new leader.
- Most awkward delivery: Andy has to break it to Holly that he knocked up a fairy, and Holly has to witness the fruit of her boyfriend's infidelity when Morella's "light" breaks at Merlotte's. Holly delivers the baby while Morella shrieks in ecstasy, and to their surprise, not just one baby comes out. Andy has four half-fairy daughters — which Morella leaves for Andy to raise alone.
- Most effective shape-shifting: Bill's right to be concerned about the Authority being breached, because Sam and Luna do a lot with their skills. First, Luna shifts into Steve Newlin, then unshifts on national television, and then seconds later, Sam, as a fly, kills Rosalyn Harris from the inside out.
- Most quotable: I'm grateful that Lafayette hasn't had a lot of drama over the last couple episodes, because it's his lines that cracked me up this week. The best of the bunch are "It's always the weird stuff that's the best," (regarding Morella's fairy birth) and "I did not see that sh*t coming," after Luna shifts out of Newlin's body on TV.
- Most apt reaction: Jessica was right last week about there being something romantic between Tara and Pam, because as soon as Pam is freed by the gang after they bust into the Authority, the two ladies make out like their plane's going down. It's not really surprising, so I leave it to Sookie to sum it up: "Oh, OK."
- Most anticlimactic love confession: Jason is plagued by visions of his and Sookie's dead parents, and while he's willing to help Eric and Sookie inside the Authority, it's just because they're fueling him to kill every vampire he can. It's bad news for Jessica, who runs to hug Jason and confesses her love, but Jason rejects her, not wanting to be involved with a vampire. Pretty lame resolution for a couple I once rooted for.
- Most unpredictable character development: Bill tells Salome that Lilith appeared to him, declaring that Salome is the prophet, and he is to serve and protect her. It's a ruse: when she drinks all of "Lilith's" blood, she suffers almost immediately, because Bill has poisoned it with silver. He is beyond saving, and we finally hear why he's clung so hard to his new religion after Sookie tries to reason with him. He takes the shot of his life, drinking all of Lilith's blood, but it appears to give him the true death, and he dissolves into goo. I was actually truly shocked that he dies, but it's not really the case: while Sookie sobs, Bill rises up, but covered in blood, à la Lilith. And that, folks, is how season five ends.
What did you think of the finale and, furthermore, this whole season?