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Weigh In: My Boyfriend's Sabotaging My Healthy Habits

Weigh In: My Boyfriend's Sabotaging My Healthy Habits

This FitSugar reader could use some advice on how to deal with her boyfriend.

Dear Fit,
I've always been committed to a healthy lifestyle, cooking with low-fat healthy ingredients, and making it a point to hit the gym four times a week. I always felt in shape and happy with my body, but, recently this all changed. I moved in with my boyfriend before the holidays, and he doesn't share my health or fitness goals at all. He rarely goes to the gym and eats whatever he wants, and while I knew this before we moved in, I didn't know how much his unhealthy habits would affect me. When I want to head to the gym after work, he sucks me in with compliments about my body and tells me I don't need to worry about working out because I look great already. At first I fell for all the flattery, but now it's getting old. On top of that, he loves to eat out or order in, and eats total junk food. It's always in the house, so I'm eating it non-stop, too. I was totally resolved to stick to my healthy routine before we moved in, but the reality is that it's not so easy. Every time we discuss it, he says he'll be more supportive, but when the time comes for me to workout, he's always trying to get me to stay and hang out. Even when we shop together, he influences all of my food purchases. I don't know what to do. I love him, but my health is important too. I don't want to break up or move out. How can I make this work?
Gotta Get Back on Track

Can you help a fellow FitSugar reader out? Share your advice below.

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turistachef turistachef 6 years
Be strong and hit the gym for YOU no matter what anyone says. I'm not saying it's going to be easy because I'm in a similar situation, but I continue to eat healthy and work out when it is convenient for me. It's important. After all, at the end of the day it's how you deal with the pressure and what is best for you. Be the Goddess that you are. I'm positive he will respect every bit of discipline you demonstrate. Consider this... instead of him influencing his bad habits on you, keep your fitness goals and allow him to slowly want to get healthier for the both of you. Good luck!
ferret ferret 6 years
great comments, everyone! bf and i used to have a long distance relationship and my diet changed drastically when i moved in with him. i just wanted to have fun, comfort food all the time :) i lost a lot of my physical fitness and finally had to face the fact that i was responsible for my own actions and that i could be independent of food choices that he was making for himself (and that i had indulged in). i agree - it takes willpower and commitment to being ok with having separate lives! it's not the end of the world! good luck!
tuliprush tuliprush 6 years
The boyfriend is definitely not being the most supportive, but like you said, you knew his habits before. YOU need to stand your ground and take personal responsibility. Rather than changing him, change yourself. My boyfriend's eating/exercise habits are polar opposites from myself. We do NOT eat the same thing EVER for dinner. He makes super fattening burritos with conventional chicken/beef, which I refuse to eat (any meat that passes my lips is organic). He stays home when I go to the gym...he snacks constantly on ice cream, chips, anything processed. Those are his choices though, and I have my choices. I don't pressure him to eat the way I eat. We are ultimately responsible for our own actions. If he is swaying your priorities so much, you need to just lay down the law and tell him that when you say you're going to the gym, you're going, and to stop discouraging it. That when you want to cook your own food at home for dinner, and HE can order out, that is whats going to happen. Just assert yourself.
runningesq runningesq 6 years
You do your thing - he does his. It's really not much more complicated that that.
Autumns_Elegy Autumns_Elegy 6 years
I would tell him "let me go to the gym and eat healthy or I'll get fat, spotty and I'll feel awful all the time, not to mention I'd get sick heaps easier."
yougotmefriend yougotmefriend 6 years
My boyfriend was the same at first, I got him into cooking, like I tried to make delicious things and he likes a few healthy celeb chefs and he likes french cuisine and things like that. You can't change him, but you can EMPOWER him to change. good luck x
sparklestar sparklestar 6 years
My boyfriend eats whatever he wants, doesn't work out and is generally lazy but that doesn't stop me from maintaing my healthy lifestyle! I don't let anybody push me around and you shouldn't either! If your health goals are important to you then you'll stay on track.
Allytta Allytta 6 years
those who say she shouldn't blame the boyfriend* - misspelled that one :)
Allytta Allytta 6 years
those who say she should blame the boyfriend - i disagree. boyfriends are there to wish us best and be supportive, not asks us to stay home away from the gym so that we can cuddle. mine actually is asking me everyday if i have worked out. even now, he got back from work and before he left he asked if i'm going for a jog. i didn't, was too soar from yesterday, he was 'but you said you would babe'. that' what boyfriends are for. push us to be better version of ourselves. not hold us back. and when you love somebody you become lazy and merge with your SO a little. so it's not her fault, she just needs to be stronger and I can only imagine how hard it is, when all you want to do is please that special person. and everyone wants to be lazy so when he gives you an excuse you feel tempted to stay home. be strong love, and tell him to stop asking you to stay and encourage you instead.
chloe-bella chloe-bella 6 years
I would try and create a routine. Like, for example, if there's a TV show you guys like to watch on Wednesday nights and you know he'll want you to stay home for that, designate Tuesday and Thursday nights as your set workout time. If he knows that you are going to be gone to the gym on certain nights, after a while, he'll plan around it and stop trying to get you to stay home. For example, my boyfriend plays basketball every Monday and Wednesday night, so it's just understood that we're not going to hang out on those nights. As far as the food situation, try to find restaurants that have food he likes but that also have healthy options, and suggest that you order from those places instead of other restaurants that don't offer anything healthy. At home, you're just going to have to learn to resist the junk food he buys. Sorry, there's no easy way around that one. It's pretty much safe to say that everyone in the US has access to junk food all day, every day - you just have to learn to say no. If it's hard for you, then decide ahead of time to allow yourself small treats every now and then so you don't feel deprived.
Spectra Spectra 6 years
I'll echo what a lot of others have said--you can't blame your lack of motivation to work out on your boyfriend. My husband hates exercising and eating healthy and he tells me I don't need to work out as much, that I should eat more junk, etc. I just have to keep working out on my own and I usually prepare separate meals for each of us. I think too many people blame their lack of motivation/weight gain on their SO, but ultimately it's up to you.
DivaDivine DivaDivine 6 years
You need to take control of this and stop blaming your boyfriend for "sabotaging" you. Sabotage would more entail doing things with malicious intent. Nut up and go back to your healthy habits...and quit blaming your boyfriend for your inabilities. In other words, stop making excuses for the excuses you're making.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 6 years
I have to say that it's your willpower that's crumbling here. I understand that it can be tempting and problematic when your spouse doesn't share your passion or vision of a healthy lifestyle. But it really shouldn't 'destroy' your healthy lifestyle especially if you've been maintaining it for years before you guys even moved in together. My husband was the same way as your bf. But I was not having problem with him over it because I still did what I did (in fact, my 'willpower' actually encouraged him to change some of his old habits, he's started to eat and snack healthier in the past year and has lost 20 lbs--I never nagged him to eat healthier, etc, imho, nagging doesn't work, he watched me be healthy, stick to a certain lifestyle and got inspired eventually and yes, it took a couple of years for him to change). And when grocery shopping, I have my list and stick to it and I've been known to sneak in some healthy snack for him too. My hub rarely came and when he did, sure, he added some more unhealthy snacks, etc. But it's fine with me. It doesn't make a difference because I cook and eat what I prefer. I feed our son based on the stuffs I believe to be healthy too. Not based on the junk food hubby puts in our grocery cart :) How's your eating pattern, OP, it concerns me when you say that you can't stop noshing on the unhealthy food he brings in. You may have been so strict on your diet to the point the healthy lifestyle is actually not as pleasant as it can be (believe it or not, it can be pleasant) or you're depriving yourself and imho, it's ok to indulge from time to time. The posters before me (Anonymous 28) has great ideas for you to try out and so do others, so take notes and hopefully things are better soon in your household. Good luck!
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 6 years
You received some good advice, so I have nothing to add. I just want to mention that I witnessed this in other couples, and I find it saddening. In those cases, the MEN are the ones trying to get in shape, and THEIR WIVES are sabotaging them. Like I said, it's saddening. Their wives are overweight and lack fitness, and they're standing in their husbands' way who are trying to get healthier. Sad.
ticamorena ticamorena 6 years
I've had similar problems with friends, family members etc, I don't think they're necessarily trying to sabotage your healthy habits out of malice, but it can get frustrating when you feel you have to both defend and justify taking care of your health (and figure!?) in addition to going it all alone. One thing that really helped was making more friends who worked out and had the same approach to being fit and active that I did - eventually the nay sayers will see that their opinion is not the only one and that beyond looking good, staying active is part of your social life too. It's a little harder when it comes to food choices though, and you may have to demonstrate a whole lot of discipline. Luckily for the most part I'm not tempted by junk or snack foods and I am very disciplined with my diet. However, if healthy eating is something you'd like to share, take the initiative either by preparing tasty healthy foods, or seek out healthier menus from restaurants and for take-aways - eg always prepare or order a large salad (without extra dressing and toppings etc) as a starter or accompaniment to your meals. This will also help with portion control. Lastly, a healthier lifestly need not feel like a chore - there are loads of active things you can do together as a couple or with friends that are fun (laser tag, cycling, frisbee, those amusement games-whatever!) and even your diet should allow a measure of flexibility - food (like relationships) should always bring you pleasure!
ella1978 ella1978 6 years
I had this same problem. I had worked hard to loose weight, and I was keeping it off. But as soon as I moved in with my BF, all that hard work started slipping away. Quick meals in the evening, and less hours at the gym and the pounds started to pack on! I decided a little over a year ago to make a change. I wake up early in the morning and hit the gym, before I even start my day. I pack breakfast and lunch for work, and I don't worry about eating the same dinner as my fiance. I started logging my workouts and calories, and became even more efficient. It takes a lot of will power, and a lot of work, but you have to figure out exactly what works for you & do it. It doesn't mean you can't have a handful of your favorite potato chips every once in a while.. it just means that you can't eat them the same way your significant other does (mindlessly in front of the TV). My fiance loves ice cream and candy, and I just have to tell myself that it's his, and I'm not "allowed" to eat it. It helps!
lilxmissxmolly lilxmissxmolly 6 years
I don't mean this to sound mean, but it sounds like you need a little tough love. You're going to have to stay strong. He really only has the "influence" that you give him. Maybe you can go straight to the gym after work? Or start going in the morning. And maybe go grocery shopping without him. Bottom line is, you have to learn to do what you want. I see this as more your problem than his.
becky0125 becky0125 6 years
Let him cook for the two of you once or twice, just to show that you CAN make healthy food that tastes good, too. Suprise him with dinner, he'd love it! Offer to go on hikes together or something and if he really isn't getting the hint, be a little more direct. Tell him you feel better when you work out and you're in shape and you don't want to compromise that. Also, why not just let him order in? On days he really wants to just tell him you're going to go ahead and cook for yourself, there's nothing wrong with that.
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