The third episode of Hell's Kitchen aired last night and, unlike many of the contestants, I was prepared - Grey Goose martini in hand, computer by my side - and ready for whatever challenges Gordon Ramsay proposed. Not only did the chefs-in-training have to cook their usual dinner service, but they also had to wake up at 5am to prepare breakfast for members of the United States military. To see what went down - or as the booming, Robin Leach-ish commentator would say - what went up in flames this week, (including the dismissal of 2 rightfully deserving contestants and my list of top 5 Ramsayisms) simply
Things start off with the teams in their respective bunk rooms after last week's elimination. A clear war has broken out between Rock and Josh because Rock put Josh up on the chopping block, really pissing Josh off. Over on the girl's side, Julia, my favorite of all the contestants - what can I say I love cheering on the underdog - decides she better kick it up a notch and studies her cooking books. In the wee hours of the morning, they are woken up by a Military band informing them to get down to the kitchen.
The teams are met by Ramsay who announces that they are making Hell's Kitchen history (doesn't it seem like they make HK history in some random way each episode??) by cooking the first ever breakfast service for the US military. The girls cook for the army and the boys for the navy. Whoever feeds all of their sections wins the challenge and an amazing prize. The girls get organized quickly and put Julia in charge, because as a short order cook for the pancake house, breakfast is her specialty. The girls send out 20 plates before the boys have even sent out one. The girls momentarily run into a snafu when Joanna accidentally sends out raw potatoes disguised as hash browns, but ultimately they come out victorious. For their punishment the boys have to peel 1000 pounds of raw potatoes and onions for the military while the girls are glamorously helicoptered to a Naval ship, given a delicious lunch, and alone time with Ramsay.
Back at the kitchen, Aaron faints and an ambulance is called in to take him away. Ramsay calls Aaron in the hospital to inform him that his sickness prohibits him - by doctor's orders - to enter the kitchen. I took a sigh of relief as they finally got the bumbling baboon Aaron off the show (seriously what were the casting directors thinking??).
The boys then lock themselves in their dorm to nominate a leader of the group. Naturally all of the cocky boys want to be leader. In an attempt to ensure that Rock doesn't get the position, Josh seconds Brad's nomination. Vinnie thirds it and Rock gives in allowing Brad to play team leader.
The following day the Hell's Kitchenettes are appalled to learn that Julia doesn't know what creme brulee is (come on Julia, lie! Say you know and then immediately look it up the second you get home!). Dinner service gets off to a rocky start for both teams as nobody nails the appetizers. The boys find their stride under Rock's guidance (yes I know Brad was voted "leader" but he didn't have what it takes to control a kitchen) and the girls fumble dish after dish. None of Joanna's appetizers are acceptable to Ramsay who realizes the root of her problems is not her skill but her nose: she doesn't notice that the crab is bad. Ramsay sends her out of the kitchen and Jen pulls pasta out of the trash (I know I don't need to say it, but what on earth was she thinking???). Julia catches her in the act and overrules serving pasta picked from the trash to guests at the restaurant. Wellingtons are burnt, guests walk out, Ramsay loses his trust for the chef wannabes, and declares the girls as the losers. He sends the girls off to figure out which two shall be up for dismissal.
Joanna and Jen give themselves up, but Melissa plays queen of the castle and calls out Julia's lack of culinary knowledge. At the dismissal, Joanna tells Ramsay she and Julia are up for elimination. But wait, what's that? Jen nominates herself and tells Ramsay - to his utter disgust, did you catch the look on his face?? - the pasta/trash mishap. Ramsay sends Julia back to line and it's down to Joanna and Jen with Joanna being sent home.
Almost as bad as not being able to fry an egg, Joanna was unable to smell that the crab was rancid. Have you ever smelled bad crab?? I have and it's one pungent, gross, stomach churning smell that is undeniable. How anyone with even the most basic of culinary experience could not know this is beyond me. Good riddance Joanna.
Now the part you've all been waiting for the top five things Ramsay yelled:
- Brad are you consistantly fucked? You are about to sink the fucking navy!
- Oh come on now, you just asked me if they're raw... Why don't you tell me if they are raw? Oh fuck off!
- We sent two orders, don't start wetting your pants.
- Are you just trying to sabotage them to make yourself look good? You deserve a kick in the fucking ass, start the fucking table again!
- Come here donkey.
Finally, wasn't the most exciting part of the episode during the 45 second commercial break when the new trailer for Harry Potter aired???