Behold Kettle Brand Zesty Ranch Krinkle Cut Potato Chips, the brand's newest flavor, which danced onto our tongues and forever into my life on precisely Dec. 28. I didn't realize I even had such a passion for chips until these changed my very existence.
When I eat them, my no-seconds policy allows for thirds. When I drop them, the zero-second rule becomes the 10-second rule.
Although I usually keep snack foods at my desk, these must — I repeat, must — be kept walking distance away in the depth of our kitchen cupboards.
Kettle Zesty Ranch chips are the perfectly calibrated amount of sodium, onion, and tang. They are the crunchiest chips I've ever tasted. I'm incapable of overhearing the juiciest of office gossip while eating them. And I'm perfectly OK with that.