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The hidden love child...

Here goes......My husband cheated with a Hispanic chic and the result of that is a child.  I had an suspension of him cheating and when I asked him he denied it and had a lame excuse.  He hide this child from me for a year.  Eveyone else knew about this child except for me.  I know the child is innocent but I'm having such a difficult time knowing that the man I love so much had an affair with a hispanic chic, disrespected me, lied to the church counselor and fathered a child with this woman.  My mind is telling me one thing to do and my heart is telling me another.  I love my husband but at the same time it's very hard for me to digest this situation and still be the wife he wants me to be as before.  Anyone out there have a any suggestions, advice, similar stories?  I welcome all comments..

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Aquadave Aquadave 3 years
DUMP him!!! you can do better he will cheat on you again
missmaryb missmaryb 3 years
Great advice above, but I must admit I'm curious...why such a big deal that she's Hispanic? You mentioned it twice.
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 3 years
Henna gave you great advice. At this point you probably want him to make it all right, but really the only person you can count on for sure is you and how you take care of yourself moving forward. I don't know if you've ever heard of a 'Freudian slip', it's when you say something in error that actually is more of the truth than what you were actually saying. "I had an suspension of him cheating and when I asked him he denied it and had a lame excuse." You used the word 'suspension' instead of 'suspicion' -- what you 'suspended' was your own knowledge based on his behavior about what was happening and pretended to believe the lame excuse when you knew it wasn't true. The truth maybe even more difficult than his affair was that you decided the illusion of a happy marriage was more important than your own mental, emotional, physical health. That is the real change that needs to be made in your life. Unless you typically are hysterical and accuse people of things they don't do, you need to trust your intelligence and act accordingly. I don't mean calling him a liar and getting in a battle with him to get him to behave differently (the loser's battle), I mean following a lot of the advice Henna laid out. Respect yourself. Stop having unprotected sex, go see a counselor or join a support group so you don't feel alone, move out -- all the above. Whatever it takes for you to know someone -- you -- truly has your back. I don't know if you have kids, but if you do the best thing you can do is role model for the girls and boys self-respect. What if this was your daughter's husband or your son's wife? You'd probably see they could do a lot better than the person they're with. Think about it that way and take care of yourself the way you'd want them to.
henna-red henna-red 3 years
And why would you be the wife that he wants you to be, as you were before? That is a totally unrealistic expectation in the face of his breaking your trust along with his marriage vows. If you want to keep this relationship there are some very serious steps that you both are going to have to go through. First, he is going to have to accept responsibility for his actions....towards you and for this child. Are you going to be able to deal with the fact that this child may continue to be in your husbands life, and therefore in yours to some extent? That may only be financially, or it may also be physically and emotionaly? Do you know where all of that is yet? He has spent time in another woman's bed and lied about to you. You do not know if he had safe sex with this woman, and so you need to go get tested, immediately! You cannot, at this point, trust him to safeguard you and your sexual health, you are going to have to do that for yourself. Do you know if she was the only other woman in his life? Can you trust what he says? He's cheated and lied, and may have put your health at risk, along with your marriage. You need to know exactly what's been happening. If he is honest about wanting to keep this marriage together, he is going to have to offer you complete transparency around his actions, past and present, and future. There can't be any secret passwords on the phone, the computer. There can't by any complaints from him about you checking up on him, or about you asking him to regularly check in with you. Girl, there are a whole lot of things that have to be talked over, dealt with, in order for you two to be ok. I strongly suggest you talk to a marriage counselor. Bring in a professional, because from the shortness of your post here, you haven't really considered all of the ramifications and consequences of this situation and of his actions. It sounds to me as though you are still in shock, and in denial about what has happened. You haven't let all of the possibilities into your head yet, and when you do, you are going to be even madder. I guarantee it. At this point, the most important thing for you to do, is to protect yourself and any kids you have. And mean protect on all wise, physically, emotionally, financially. His actions are beyond your control, yours aren't. He isn't taking your safety into account right now, only his own desires. So YOU take your safety into your own hands. Talk to a professional, figure out what you want, figure out if you think it's possible, and then find out if you can have that, and what you have to do to have that. Protect you. First and foremost, and your kids if you have any. He has shown you who he is. He is a cheat and lier. At this point, that's all that's important. If he wants to prove to you that he's anything else, he's going to have to show you that he is. What he says doesn't matter....because he lies. It's his actions that count, and only his actions. Talk to that professional, girl. Get the whole picture, and give yourself some time to understand the whole situation, including your feelings and desires. This is a such a terrible situation, I'm sorry. It's such an awful betrayal of can take a little time for you to get beyond that whole "I can't believe he did that." And it's very tempting for a lot of people to ignore this and the consequences....don't do that. Get tested, and talk to a professional....actually talk to two....a marriage counselor, and a lawyer, to understand where you stand. good luck to OP. and God bless. Hold onto your friends and family're going to need all of the emotional support you can get, and anyone telling to just forgive and forget, you tell that person to get lost! They're wrong and full of shit! I'm not telling you there's no chance for your marriage.....but I am telling you if you want a healthy, happy, secure relationship, there is a whole lot of work to be done, particularly by him, but also by you.

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