Teenager Parenting Strategies

Kristine F. was co-parenting amicably with her ex — until her teen moved out of her home and into his. Now this Circle of Moms member is feeling a mixture of anxiety and sadness about her role as a parent. Unsure how to stay connected to her daughter from a distance, or how to navigate parenting from afar, she laments, “I miss her very much. I have managed to talk to her on the phone a few times and I e-mail her constantly. I want to be there for her and share the milestones."

There are fewer things more painful for a parent then when your teen chooses to live with your ex. Here, Circle of Moms members who have faced this painful situation share both words of comfort and key strategies for coping with the change.

1. Don’t Ever Give Up Being "Mom"

It’s hard not to shrivel up in pain when your teen leaves you, says Rhonda C. But she stresses that you need to continually remind yourself that you are still the mother: "Continue to be there to ‘mother.’ Insist on quality time several times a week. If you support [your child's] decision, instead of making her feel guilty about it, she'll be open to compromises to make this work.”

Rose G. echoes the sentiment that you will always be "Mom." She feels it's critical not to abandon or forfeit your role or to believe that it has been stolen away. Maintain your confidence in yourself as a parent, she says, and “Don't let [your child] know you are lost without her. Give her space and encouragement," including encouragement in her relationship with her father, which is important to her.

To ensure that distance does not separate you from your role as parent, make sure your ex keeps you informed about your teen, says Jane S. “Prevail upon her and her dad to keep you up on what is going on in her life,” she says.

2. Maintain Regular, Positive Contact

A teen who moves out of your home may not initially want a lot of contact with you, but it's still important to be there for her as much as she will allow, advises Renee P. The first step to keeping the lines of communication open is to put aside your hurt or anger. Commit to a daily phone call or some other way of meeting and talking regularly, she suggests, to encourage "a positive relationship."

Frequent communication assures your teen that you love her, "regardless of where she lives and that she is still as much a part of your family as she was before,” adds Cheryl D.: “Take her out to the movies or dinner or something." Spending time together outside of your home will reassure her that "you aren't going to force her to come home."

It was a long six months for Fiona D. when her teen daughter lived with her ex-husband. She worked hard to regularly “stay in touch by phone and arranged to be able to meet with her for lunch and shopping.” Fiona had to switch her focus to enjoying the time she had with her daughter. Learning to become a good listener was key. "Try not to jump in. Just listen," she advises.

Rose, who agrees that continuing to be available to your teen is critical, cautions against trying to relate to her as a peer might: "Be her mom, not her friend; she doesn't need another friend. She needs a mom who is there for her when she needs you."

3. Remain Firm About Your Rules

Chriss D. understands that her daughter left at least in part beacuse she hated the house rules, but hopes her teen will someday want to return to the order and structure those rules provided. Although you may be tempted to compete with your ex by changing your parenting standards, adds Lori C., stay firm about your rules and expectations. “Show [your child] you are are there for her as someone she can count on. But don’t try to manipulate her or let her manipulate you," she says.

Charity B. also found it was important to stick to her rules in her interactions with her daughter. “You just can't allow your house to have a revolving door. Your teen needs to accept responsibility for her own actions,” she says. A mom named Dawn agrees: "The real world is full of rules," she says.

And some Circle of Moms members, including Mardi M., say moms should never try to bribe a teen back into their homes. “You could easily turn into a Disneyland parent and try and win her back. But I strongly suggest supporting her choices and starting to get to know the person she will become in the future. Keep the door open (emotionally), then it won’t matter whose house she lives in; she will have a good relationship with you.”

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Like many Circle of Moms members, Wendy G. wishes she could whole-heartedly accept and like all of her teen daughter’s friends. Instead, she wants to know why so many adolescents make poor friend decisions — and what she’s supposed to do when she doesn’t like her daughter's choices.

Her teen repeatedly finds herself in friendships with girls who are "verbally abusive" and yet "still wants to be friends with them,” laments Wendy. “I don’t understand that, but I feel there’s not much I can do. How do you know when it’s time to cut the ties and let your daughter duke out her own issues with friends?”

She’s not alone. Many Circle of Moms members say they are stressed out about their teen’s friends. Like Wendy , many have reached the end of their ropes and are looking for ways to cope and ease the pain (for their teens and themselves) when adolescents insist on hanging out with toxic friends. Here, moms share some tried-and-true tactics for coping when you don’t like your teen’s friends.

1. Set Limits

When parents feel that their children’s friends are engaging in behavior that isn’t in line with your values, they should set limits on how much time can be spent with those kids, say moms like Tricia G. “My kids lived through this and I did as a girl as well,” she offers. “My mother did the best thing she possibly could have. She tried to set some limits on how much time I spent with my ‘best friend” She sat us both time and said if the problem continued, the friendship would not."

Ultimately those time limits gave her much neeed space: "That separation helped me find out that I had some other great friends just waiting in the wings.”

2. Have the Bully Talk

Explain what makes for good friendships and what makes for a good (and not-so-good) friend, say moms like Shelly B. who’s had the bully and mean girl conversation with her teens. “Talk to your teens and let them know what it means to be a friend,” she says. “Try to use specific examples, maybe the friends of their older brothers or sisters, or a cousin, where you can show specific examples of what a good and bad friend is.”

3. Enlist the School's Help

Sometimes the best way to handle the situation when your kids are chasing friends you don’t approve for is to reach outside the family and get help or advice from experts, say moms like Tracy D. “If you feel that your child has talked to her ‘best friend’ about treating her and her other friends respectfully, but the ‘best friend’ is still manipulating her, you can try calling the school counselor,” she says. “The counselor can work with your child (and the counselor can ask permission of the other girl's parents to work with their daughter, the ‘best friend.’) “ 

4. Validate Your Child’s Feelings

Instead of criticizing your child’s friend, which will drive your teen away very fast, take another tactic and be the person who is there to listen when the inevitable happens and your child comes running to you when they got hurt, says Dee M. “I make sure I am here to validate the feelings and my child find the ‘truths’ of the hurtful words said to her,” she says. “I then encouraged her to take control of herself.”

5. Let Time Heal The Wounds

Teens are fickle and feed into the drama, says Carlie M. One day the friend is the best friend, the next she is crying from the hurt, she says. “Sometimes you have to deal with it afterwards,” she says. “Inform her that you can help her figure out what to do the next time. Don’t try to solve it for her, but let her deal with it and heal and then try to guide her the next time around. Your heart will break for her too. But hug her and say something like: ‘Oh honey, I'm sorry this has happened to you. You must feel really sad (and that's the emotion they feel).”

6. Allow Your Teen to Live and Learn

It sounds harsh, but parents need to realize that they can’t pick their teen's friends.  Suzanne P. knows firsthand that as much as you want to step in to rescue your tween or teen from the "mean girls," ultimately you have to let your kids learn their lessons on their own. “It’s the lesson of not letting people walk all over you. My son went through it, now he says he isn't taken crap from anyone.”

Regina D. agrees. “Honestly I think it is just a something they have to learn,” she says. “I do talk to my daughter all the time, but sometimes they have to learn on their own. I would always give her advice and she would still go back to those friends who treated her like crap and she is finally realizing that they are not true friends at all. There has been a lot of hurt and tears but in the end they do make the right decision.”

7. Be Available

In the end, teens will or won’t learn the lessons themselves, but nudging them to deal with bad friends on their own will provide them with the opportunity to make better choices. So remember to “just be there for them,” urges Regina D. “I wish my daughter knew how to stand up for herself, but sometimes you can talk until you are blue in the face. When she gets hurt, you just need to be there."

 How do you handle your child's friends you don't like?

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While it's not uncommon for parents to hesitate over sleepover invitations for tweens and teens because of sleep loss (They tend to be "irritable" when they get home, says Circle of Moms member Lisa J.), some oppose them unequivocally. Susanne Y. is one of these moms; she's banned her boys, 11, 9, and 3,  from participating in them, end of discussion. And she's tired of hearing, "What's the big deal?" from her own kids and even from other parents. "The oldest is asked to sleepovers all the time and most of his friends have been doing it for years, but I prefer my kids in their own beds at night."

Belinda B. also feels that it's better to be safe than sorry. "I would rather watch over my children than to let them go somewhere and something happens. You can't go back."

Tween and teen slumber parties are a hot topic in Circle of Moms communities. Here, moms share three reasons for keeping the tween and teen set at home at night.

1. Drinking and Drugs

When it comes to sleepovers, Lori is one of many moms who feel there are just too many unknowns, including the possibility that your kids will be unsupervised and tempted to make bad or risky choices. She works in a hospital, where she's seen many parents lose kids to accidents. She says, simply, "You don't know what goes on in other people's houses. . . . You just don't know what other parents will allow them to do."

As if to bring this point home, Paula M. relays the story of a Sweet Sixteen sleepover her daughter attended where four girls got sick after smoking pot and drinking in the host's bed room.

2. Teen Sex

Several members are adamantly opposed to sleepovers because they can wind up being coed, a trend moms say is on the rise.

Veronique P. is guided by memories of her own hormonal adolescence: "I remember those years very clearly, [so] I never would I let a boy sleep over at my house, nor would I let my daughter go to a sleepover where there will be boys. Not a good idea. I have no intentions of being a very young grandmother and having to support that child and my daughter."

Katie agrees. "You have to be careful at that age and especially with girls."

3. Dangerous Strangers

A member named MeMe feels bound to protect her kids from dangers she's read about in newspaper headlines and seen on the news. "While many parents may believe slumber parties are harmless fun, several news stories about molestation at a sleepover have given many of us parents reasons to worry about slumber parties and concrete reasons to avoid them," she says. 

Lisa J. agrees, asserting that, "Even if we know [the parents] somewhat there could be a 'compromising visitor' that drops by. They could have a porn movie going. There could be drinking, whatever. It's not that I don't trust my children — I don't trust every person there."

And Kelina, like Veronique, thinks back to the risks she took during her own teen years. "I'm so freaking amazed that nothing happened to me," she says. "In all likelihood most kids who have sleepovers have great experiences, and are never in harms way. But that one in a million chance is the one that curdles my blood, because nothing could ever take that back."

How do you feel about sleepovers for tweens and teens?

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“Are today’s teens different than we were?” asks Gail E. on Circle of Moms. It's not really meant as a question though; she firmly believes that something's amiss with this generation of kids. Another Circle of Moms member, Jodi, expresses the sentiment more bluntly, noting that kids seem “more entitled than ever before.” She adds: "Kids seem to be getting worse and worse as time goes on. Maybe we could learn from parenting styles of older generations." 

Are we really in the era of more-indulged-than ever offspring? And if so, what's causing it? Circle of Moms members have various theories, some lighthearted, and many of them more serious. Here, we take a closer look at what moms feel is behind this suppoedly “all about me” generation.

1. Parents Buy Too Much

"I see little ones given so much so often," shares JuLeah W. "A little toy here, a fun little thing here, a buck here.  It is all based on the, 'you're so cute ... I love you ... you deserve it’ idea."

JuLeah argues that parents today buy far too much for their children: "They get a coloring book for walking in the store and not whining. They get a new beach ball and buckets because they are going to the beach and only have their toys from last year. Yes, their toys from last year include a ball and bucket, but not in the color they want this year." 

Part of the problem may be modern technology and the Internet, says Janice C.: "Kids today often have an entitled attitude, because technology has changed so rapidly over the past thirty years and it’s much easier to over indulge your child than in the past.”  As a member named Me Me shares, "My neighbor has bought their son (12 years old) five cell phones in the past year and a half because he keeps either losing them or breaking them. He doesn't care how much they cost because his parents keep replacing them."

If parents give kids whatever they want, why wouldn't they feel entitled to it, ask Bonnie M. "We need to stop giving our children everything," she declares.  "We need to teach them that nothing is handed over freely. This is what life is about, working for what you want. . . .We are to blame [for] this generation's apathy."  She adds that parents seem to be confused over what kids need and what they want: "How much does a child really need an X-box, a computer, and [a] television in their room?" 

2. Kids Don't Fend For Themselves

It might have been endearing when 30-something Matthew McConaughey needed more than a little push to leave the nest in the movie Failure to Launch. But Circle of Moms members say moms are simply fueling entitlement by waiting on their kids hand and foot. 

As Lissa H. says, "They never have to work towards or earn anything. They never have to be part of the team that is a family to work towards common goals. If you show them that they are the center of the earth and nobody else matters, that is what they will grow up to believe."

It's a trap that moms like Shannon T. are trying not to fall into. "I need to work on that," she admits. "Letting them do things for themselves. I am so used to being on autopilot that I need to stop and let them do it for themselves."

3. "The Way We Never Were Syndrome"

Though many parents feel today's generation is more entitled than ever before, there are some Circle of Moms members who strongly believe that the sense of over-entitlement is just an illusion. In reality, they say, kids are still just kids, but parents have delusional memories about how they themselves were so much better  at that age. 

Beth M. calls it 'The Way We Never Were Syndrome:' “My mom and dad have some crazy stories about when they were kids (the 60s), stuff kids today would probably not even try,” she shares. “We think there was this golden era in history where families were perfect and children were well behaved and everything was great. But in reality that never existed. In the past, a child was overindulged because mom and dad handed them a china doll, a real china tea set, a record player, or a Sony Walkman. You don't think this is equivalent to today's child receiving an X-Box?"

Do you think today's kids are more entitled than ever before?

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Struggles over food happen at all ages, but it can be especially difficult for moms to get strong-willed teens to eat a balanced, nutritional meal. "My daughter won't eat breakfast, no matter what I try to serve ... and she will never drink water," says Circle of Moms member Gloria C. "What should I do?" she wonders.

Short of exaggerating the benefits of a healthy diet (Sonia B. tells her teens that eating right "clears up zits"), what can you do? To help, here are four tips from other moms who've wrestled with their teen's eating habits.

1. Don’t Force the Issue

The consensus among Circle of Moms members is that forcing teens to eat healthy foods doesn't tend to work. "Probably the most important thing about healthy eating is not to let it become a power struggle," says Rosemary R. "You can't make a teenager eat anything and stop them eating 'bad' things when they are out." 

If you force the issue, Rosemary adds, it might backfire and "your teenager learns to use eating or not eating as a weapon, either just to wind you up, or as a bargaining tool ... If this gets a firm hold, it can lead to very unhealthy attitudes to eating."

2. Find Foods Your Teen Likes

Instead of forcing the issue, seize the opportunity to serve up a wide variety of healthy foods to discover which nutritious foods your teen actually likes. As Sharell D. recommends: "Try changing it up. Give her her favorite fruit or find out what she likes; flavored oatmeal, fruit in cereal, that's healthy." 

On the fluids front, Sharell also suggests introducing her to different beverages, especially healthy compromises to water, "until you both find what she likes."

3. Disguise Healthy Foods

Some moms, including Louise G., suggest disguising healthy foods: "My teenagers don't like veggies much, so I hide them in things like lasagna," she says. "I'll put in grated carrots, mushrooms, tomatoes, peppers." 

Vegetables can be easily hidden in other dishes she suggests, including "Shepherds pie with oven-baked cubed, potatoes, parsnips, and carrots on the top, and fajitas with peppers, onions and grated peppers."

4. Opt for Healthy Substitutes

If all else fails and your teen refuses to eat the healthy meals you serve up, many Circle of Moms members suggest offering your teen nutritional substitutes. "I know it's hard to do but sometimes you just have to face the fact they are not going to eat," says Johnnie K. "When my son and daughter were teens they wouldn't eat breakfast so I got them some Carnation breakfast [mix] that would break the fast [and] they would drink it on the way out."

Rebekah S. suggests giving your teens multivitamins. "I wouldn't worry too much, as long as your teenager is healthy and takes multi-vitamins, give it a rest."

"For my picky eater (near vegi-free), we try to get the nutrients in him from juice and vitamins," says Sherry B. "The the good stuff is going in, it doesn't really matter the source. It used to really worry me, but the pediatricians kept telling me that he's growing strong and healthy, so he's getting what he needs."

What works with your teen?

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The following information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice, diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.

While many Circle of Moms members have a "better-safe-than-sorry" philosophy when it comes to making sure their teen daughters practice birth control, others, including Kristin W., are passionate in their opposition to the idea of the Pill for teens. "I personally would only put her on the Pill if it was medically necessary and only if she is abstinent. I am against putting her on the pill or any birth control of any kind," she says. Here, Kristin and other Circle of Mom members explain reasons to keep your daughter off the Pill.

(For the other side of the story, read 5 Reasons To Put Your Teen Daughter on Birth Control Pills.)

1. It Violates My Religion

Kimm W. who has a 14-year-old daughter, cites a desire to raise her daughter within the precepts of her Christian faith: "I have to say no with putting a 15-year-old daughter on the pill," she explains. "I believe teaching Godly values and having children in church where they can be around other Christian girls can help strengthen their moral values of staying pure til they are married."

Carole, another member, is in the same camp: "If I suspected that my 15-year-old daughter was sexually active, I would definitely tell her that I was concerned. I would tell her that at 15, her health, her well-being, and her potential offspring are my responsibility. I would definitely give her my moral opinion regarding pre-marital sex. We're Catholic, so I would let her know that as unrealistic as it sounds, I believe she should wait until marriage."

2. It Sends My Daughter the Wrong Message

Quite a few moms, including Elizabeth S. and Linda S., agree with Kimm and Carol about the need to discourage teen sex, though not necessarily for religious reasons. Elizabeth feels that putting your teen daughter on the pill

"sends the wrong message," and "gives her more permission to have sex." As Linda explains, consenting to a 15-year-old having sex is "horrible" because sex is "supposed to be the most precious moment between the love of your life, and yourself. Not a 15- and 17-year-old."

Cheryl N. adds another consideration to this list: a teenage girl is most likely not ready to take on the responsibilities of sex and its consequences.

She and other moms in this camp are far more comfortable discouraging dating and sex altogether. "I'm so old-fashioned I guess," says Cheryl, "but I have encouraged my daughter to try to at least wait until she is married." Marina feels similarly. She "would allow no dating alone yet" and no birth control, but does plan to initiate a dialogue with her daughter about love, sex, and relationships.

3. It Can Create Health Issues

Finally, several moms intend to keep their teen daughters away from oral contraceptives to avoid courting blood clots, stroke, or more subtle side effects like depression. (The widely accepted contraindications for teens considering oral contraceptives include a family history of blood clotting disorders, migraines with auras, and early onset breast cancer. See a complete list for women of all ages at the website of the American Association of Family Practitioners.) While these outcomes are rare, it's important to be aware of your family history before making a decision about birth control.

UPDATE: The New England Journal of Medicine has just published a new study that suggests that hormonal approaches to birth control that include estrogen "do indeed boost stroke and heart attack risk in the women who take them," according to ABC News.

(For the other side of the story, read 5 Reasons To Put Your Teen Daughter on Birth Control Pills.)

The preceding information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice, diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Like many moms of teen girls, Gayle S. struggles with whether to put her 15-year-old daughter on birth control pills. It’s not that she wants her daughter to be sexually active, it's that, as she explains, “She’s started to see a 17-year-old boy a lot. . . . I don't want her think I don't trust her to be careful with this boy, but I think contraception is a good idea and [that] this needs to be addressed.”

She's not alone. As another member, Loryn A., shares: “I absolutely would put my daughter on the pill. Let's be real here – we can teach our daughters about STD's, pregnancy, sex and love, but in the end, we know they are going to do exactly what they want.”

Here, she and other Circle of Moms members share five reasons to put your teen daughter on birth control pills.

(For the other side of the story, read 3 Reasons Not to Put Your Daughter on the Pill.)

1. Better Safe Than Sorry

Even if you worry that you're sending your daughter a message that it is okay for her to have sex, it is better to be safe than sorry, says a member named Victoria. She put her 16-year-old on the pill to protect her from getting pregnant, and as she says, "It is unlikely that you will be able to stop your daughter from having sex once she has made the decision. . . . considering the possible consequences, it is better to be safe than sorry.” She told her daughter that it is ultimately "her choice when to become sexually active," and that she must protect herself against pregnancy.

Buffy D. agrees with this approach to the issue. Putting her 14-year-old daughter on the pill when she was 12 was the best way to protect her, she says. “As mothers, we don't only worry about our kids having sex; there is also the worry of pedophiles."

2. She's Asked to Be on the Pill

If your teenage daughter approaches you about going on the pill, many Circle of Moms members warn that denying her birth control is unlikely to dissuade her from becoming sexually active. Even Cindi C., who recommends explaining to her why you hope that she can put off sex, is also clear on one thing: “If she is asking, I would take her to the doctor ASAP. You do not want to take the chance of an unplanned pregnancy."

Jenni D. agrees. She took her now 18-year-old and 15-year-old girls to the doctor when they asked a couple years ago. “The doctor went through everything and she was great. I have no regrets at all with allowing them to take it. I trust my girls and it is up to them. Let's face it, they will eventually have sex, and once they are 15 or 16 they can go to the doctor without mom or dad, so at least this way everyone knows what is going on and there are no secrets.“

3. She Has Medical Issues

Many moms put their teen daughters on birth control pills to help painful periods or heavy bleeding, points out Tabitha S. She put her 13-year-old on the pill because "She was having extremely painful periods and is also bleeding six to eight days. Though concerned that her daughter will think this is "a license to have sex," she says the medical reasons for putting her on the birth control pill are still more important.

Victoria is another mom who put her daughter on the pill early — in sixth grade — because of medical concerns. “We have a family history of ovarian cysts," she explains, "and after her emergency surgery for removal of a (twisted) ovarian cyst which included the removal of the involved ovary, we put her on the pill to help with stopping formation of cysts."

4. Teens Lie About Having Sex

Teens don’t always tell their parents the truth about their sexual activity, points out one who knows, Circle of Moms member Kelly H. She herself got pregnant at the age of 13, and when her own daughter reached her teens, she put her on the birth control pill “just in case."

As she explains, “I was a teen mom myself at 13. A lot of children will not tell their parents what they are doing. It was very hard growing up [myself] having [had] a child so young. Children don’t think about things at the time and regret it later.”

5. It Breeds Trust and Good Decision-Making

Many moms who put their daughters on the pill say they are keen to avoid repeating the mistakes of their own mothers, who didn't educate them at all about sex or birth control, which made the whole subject taboo. As Charlene W. explains, “Everything I knew about sex, STDs, and birth control when I was in my teens came from everywhere except my mother. . . I think that schools and we as moms need to be able to teach about birth control and safe sex and not be forced to talk only about abstinence. I don't see it as giving them permission to have sex, I see it as arming them with the proper knowledge to make good decisions if they so choose to go ahead and do the deed. It needs to be a fair balance."

(For the other side of the story, read 3 Reasons Not to Put Your Daughter on the Pill.)

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There are few experiences as heart-wrenching as when your teen tells you he wants to live with his dad, say Circle of Moms members Mel and Kimberley B. Following their divorces, both of these moms saw their teens announce that they wanted to leave and move in with their fathers.

"My son and I had a huge argument and he decided to call his father and left with him,” Mel says of her 13-year-old son. “I am doing the best I can, but I am angry, upset and feel helpless.”

When Kimberly's 16-year-old daughter moved out of her home and into her ex's, her words echoed Mel's: “I feel screwed over. I am angry about it. I feel lonely, alone, and hurt — to say the least.”

Hearing from your child that she wants to live with your ex instead of you is very painful indeed, but moms who've lived through it say that how you respond is what really matters. Here they share seven strategies to help you get through it, too.

1. Call Your Teen's Bluff

When your teen repeatedly threatens this to leave, “you just have to call their bluff, as hard and emotionally painful as that can be,” say moms like Christina M. “If your child is threatening to leave, the next time you just have to pack his bags yourself, then drive him over there. It may take a few months, but he will come back. When he comes back, you tell him that the next time he threatens to leave, he will not be allowed to come back."

2. Let Them Go

Sometimes the only thing you can do is to let your child go, says Rhonda C. “... we have to allow our teens to make their own decisions so they can deal with the consequences. We have to remember we are still their mother and continue to mother a child who leaves. If you support [your child's] decision instead of making her feel guilty about it, she'll be open to compromises to make this work. Keep the communication lines open between you.”

3. Set Rules

Rhonda C. and other Circle of Moms members agree that it's important to maintain contact with a teen who moves in with his or her other parent. It helps to establish rules, both with your child and with your ex, Rhona adds. “The other parent needs to help ensure you are visited regularly, and your child needs to know a schedule for coming to see you."

4. Don’t Take it Personally

Jane S. offers that teens are sometimes under pressure from their other parent to make a switch. For this reason, she cautions moms not to take a teen's threat to leave too personally: "Odds are [that your child's] dad has lured her with promises that things will be different if she lives with him,” she says. “Try not to focus on your hurting feelings. Instead, see this as a test of all the things you taught her since she was little.”

Wendy D., who has gone through this several times, also urges moms to realize that it is not their fault: "It’s the kid testing the limits,” she says. “They think the grass is always greener on the other side. Just keep the lines of communication open and stick to your guns. . . . My daughter ran to her dad because of [my] rules. Now she is home and behaving better than ever. Sometimes you have to let them go [in order] for them to come back.”

5. Don’t Let Them See You Cry

If your ex-spouse still harbors ill will, he may be working behind the scenes to convince your child to move out from your home.  For this reason, a Circle of Moms member named Jana recommends not crying in front of the child in response. "It does seem so cruel, but just try to keep your chin up and try to be strong.”

Marie W. also suggests protecting yourself. “You cannot let [your child] see you upset,” she says, referencing her own experience with her 13-year-old son. “This is what he wants. Let him go live with his father. He may come back on his own later. If you make a big deal of it he knows he has you licked and will hold it over your head."

6. Allow Yourself to Grieve

It is okay – and necessary – to recognize the pain and grieve the loss, says Ruth W. “It is extremely painful to be rejected by your child, and it's okay to feel pain and sadness. . . . Personally I am allowing myself the time to grieve and think. . . . you have been through all the stuff of raising a child and now he’s gone."

7. Move On

As hard and gut-wrenching as it sounds, you have to take care of yourself and move on with your life, “trusting in your gut that your child will finally see the light,” says Wendy H. “If your relationship is strong she may be back sooner than you think."

Keeping yourself busy by finding something else to focus on also helps to ease the loss, says Donna L. “Find a way to vent and rebalance. Pick up an activity that you love, join a support group, anything that gets you enjoying your life again. Regain your peace of mind, faith and hope.”

How do you protect yourself when your child wants to live with the other parent?

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Don’t get me wrong, I have albums filled with fun family vacations with my three kids.

We’ve spent many a June week collecting sea shells and floating on giant-sized dolphin rafts in the ocean at Sanibel Island. We’ve celebrated the winter break riding street cars in San Francisco clutching Ghirardelli ice cream cones. And we’ve traveled to Washington D. C. and stood outside the gates of the White House waiting for the president’s chopper to land on the South Lawn.

These “vacations," while fun, were a lot of work for me, and they have not gotten any easier as my kids reached their teens. A recent one we took, a Carnival Cruise to the Bahamas, introduced my kids to ports of call where teens under 18 can legally drink. My son made friends in the “teen” lounge and charged more than $250 in drinks to the "house" (that's be me) on his first night. Then there was the trip to Hotel Del in Coronado, where my kids weren't the least bit interested in the teen activities. Maybe there are some teens who want to participate in orchestrated activities with a guide, but the resort day camp concept (wth its built-in time-outs for parents) seems to be a thing of the past for my kids.

Which leads me to the current adventure I long for: a mom-cation. In my dreams, I imagine myself riding a bicycle from inn to inn in Ireland, showing up at small cottages in search of my ancestors. Or lying on a beach reading tons of books – alone with only my waters being billed to the tab. On one particularly challenging day, I even thought about making a detour off the high way en route to work and boarding the next plane at O’Hare for an undisclosed location.

It turns out my fantasy of a mom-cation is a popular one for many Circle of Moms members. Some moms, like Amy, have actually put the gears into motion. “I have already booked an all-inclusive vacation to Cancun,” she says, adding that she is leaving her 16-year-old daughter who “acts like she hates me all the time,” home with her ex-husband and his wife.

Her decision is receiving lots of support from other Circle of Moms members like Brittany B., who declares: “vacations away from [your] children (teens) will make you a better mom.” Julie P. also advises the teen-left-at-home vacation plan: “If a teen is misbehaving you should leave her alone with a caregiver. Otherwise, she will use your desire to enjoy the vacation as a free pass to act like a fool, knowing you will not want to ruin the entire trip [by disciplining her]."

As a mom of tweens ages eight and 10, Jen C. talks about her own plans for a vacation sans kids. “I am a single mom who spends every second with my children,” she says. “We took a vacation last October to the (Wisconsin) Dells, but it was nothing but kid time. It was fantastic, but now I feel I need a vacation from the vacation.”

But the reality is that leaving teens out of your vacation plans can be logistically difficult. Who’s going to “baby sit?” How do you afford it with college on the way? And while toddlers might forget that you left them home alone with Grandma, a teen will remind you over and over again how you left them behind.

So, for now, with two of my kids in college, my dreams for traveling solo remain in a holding pattern, somewhere between Guilt and Economically Infeasible.

To borrow from Dr. Seuss, “Oh the places you’ll go,” is a dream I hold closely, but with a little twist: alone!

Have you been on a Mom-cation without your teens?

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

The following information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice, diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.

Many moms have struggled with their own body image issues, both before and after going through pregnancy. But with the increase in media that showcases images of super thin women — many of them digitally manipulated to dimensions that are both unrealistic and unhealthy, our daughters may be under even greater pressure. How do you help your teen navigate this unsettling terrain?

Here, Circle of Moms members share wisdom on helping your teen daughter develop a positive body image, as well as ways to support her if you think she's already struggling with an eating disorder.

Help Your Teen Develop a Healthy Body Image

Circle of Moms member Sarah M. applauds the recent introduction of "Body Confidence" classes at her daughter's school. But she feels that moms themselves have a major influence on their teens' developing body images. First of all, she says, praise your daughter's strength and health. Of course you think your daughter is beautiful, but for this to have weight in her eyes, you need to back it up with specifics. (Praising your child for things she's actually done is much more effective as a self-esteem boost than, "You're beautiful," especially when she's not feeling beautiful.)

She and other moms also point to the importance of taking care of your own body. Your good role modeling will go a long way toward giving your teen ideas about what's possible as she enters adulthood. If she finds her mom confident and healthy, she will likely want to follow in those footsteps.

Eat and Exercise With Your Daughter

Debi is Circle of Moms member who has survived an eating disorder. It was the regular presence of a caring and devoted person that she credits for saving her life. Her eating disorder went undiagnosed throughout her high school years, and what finally broke her cycle was having a concerned adult eat and exercise with her daily.

While emphasizing how difficult this pervasive problem is to address, she suggests that moms take concrete steps, including keeping all diet pills and laxatives out of the house, and exercising with their daughters whenever possible. 

Consult a Therapist or Nutritionist

Sandy's 13-year-old daughter has begun limiting her intake of food and constantly weighing herself, and her mom wants to know if it's a phase, or if she should intervene. Michelle is facing the same scenario with her 12-year-old; she wants to address the issue if it's a real problem, but she also doesn't want to over dramatize the situation if it will blow over on its own.

Circle of Moms members agree that this is a delicate balance. Still, as a mom named Hayley points out, it is worth risking over-dramatization to prevent a problem. One way to approach it is to talk to a therapist who specializes in eating disorders, without yet involving your child. She might be able to make some recommendations you can try at home before things get out of hand. 

Another mom, Michelle, suggests getting a nutritionist involved. This way, the focus is on health and nutrition rather than on your teen's own distorted view of her body, which is more difficult to address directly.

Talk Openly About Eating Disorders

If your daughter, like Circle of Moms members Alycia's, already has signs of an eating disorder like bulimia, it's time to get serious. Cathie, a mom whose own eating disorder began at age 14 and continued until she got pregnant with her first child, advises addressing the problem directly with your daughter, taking special care to really listen to whatever she has to say. Keeping an open channel of communication — even if you're afraid or feel ill-equipped to deal with what comes up — is the most important thing you can offer.

She also believes that sharing your own struggles with body image or weight, however difficult, can help. If your daughter trusts that you have genuine empathy because you've been through something similar, she is more likely to take your offers of help, as well as your warnings about health risks, seriously.

How else can moms help their daughters with body image issues and eating disorders?

The preceding information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice, diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.

Image Source: Photo Courtesy of WELS.net via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.