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2012 Volkswagen Beetle Manly Features Decoded

New VW Beetle's Manly Features Decoded

The new 2012 Volkswagen Beetle has arrived. And all those female audience members who won one on Oprah's Favorite Things may be disappointed — if you believe the brand's head of design, anyway. "Masculine" is the word being hit over our head to describe the Beetle's new design, but what does that mean? If you're curious about what the company is really saying in its descriptions of the new Beetle's features, don't worry, I've decoded them for you!

It's a "dynamic, sportier, more masculine car."
That means: Listless ladies, this car isn't for you. It's for doing sporty things, like driving your husband and his friends to baseball games.

It's longer and wider than its predecessor.
That means: It has a bigger penis than that sissy previous model.

It features a high roof, or "cathedral ceiling."
That means: Macho guys are big and tall, and this car will fit them.

The "chrome-accented bar" emphasizes how long it is.
That means: It's like a motorcycle, and don't forget it has a big penis.

The flower vase is gone: "More power, less flower."
That means: Guys are too busy driving fast to stop and smell the roses. Also, they'd never remember to replace the flowers, so the car would permanently smell like rotten flowers.

It has bigger wheels.
That means: This car's got balls, and they're bigger than that other guy's car's.

Image Source: Getty
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Budderflie Budderflie 5 years
It looks like they took the older Audi TT and slapped a longer front end on it. I had a '03 TT, I say go for the gold and get a new Audi. Same thing, just looks better (but costs a heck of a lot more).
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
2.5-liter v-5 170 hp? Still too chick for a motorhead babe such as myself, throw 3 more cylinders and 60 more hp up in there and then we'll talk.
Annie-Gabillet Annie-Gabillet 5 years
Ha, snarkypants! I like the new design. It's going to make playing punch buggy a little more challenging though.
snarkypants snarkypants 5 years
i'd say 70% of the time that i'm stuck behind an idiot driver, they're driving a beetle.
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