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The 4-Way: Conquering Long Distance

Divine Caroline and I are back with another edition of the 4-Way. Enjoy!

Dear 4-Way,

Recently, I broke up with a guy that I’d been dating for three months, but I’ve known him for six years. I am deeply in love with him, and we only broke up because we had to move away from each other because of jobs. We now live over two hours away from each other. I still can’t seem to date anyone else and neither can he. He doesn’t say that he doesn’t love me, but he told me he won’t say it because last time he said it, he got hurt. We see each other every other weekend, which has been fine, but today he informed me that he’s moving even further away—four hours!—which will make it harder on us since we won’t be able to see each other as often. Should I wait it out and see if something happens because I do love him, or should I try really hard to find someone new?—BH, San Antonio, Texas

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear BH,

There's no doubt about it, long distance relationships are hard, but if both people are willing to put forth a major level of commitment and understanding, they can work. Now would I voluntarily sign myself up for one? — no, but if I fell in love with someone who moved away, would I do my best to make it work? — yes.

You pose the question of finding someone else so flippantly. Although you haven't said I love you, it's pretty clear that you have something special so my advice to you is this: test drive the distance for a few months. If it's manageable, great. If you miss each other so insanely that you can't take it anymore, perhaps you should consider taking your relationship to the next level and move closer to each other. And then lastly, if you both find the distance to be just too hard to make it work, you'll have to sever the ties and go your separate ways.

At the end of the day BH, you'll never know what could be unless you give it a try. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.

I actually have a unique opinion on this week's 4-Way so I guess till next time gang!

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Meike Meike 8 years
Julieulie is spot on.
tatsauce tatsauce 8 years
I'm currently in a long distance relationship. Started out being 2 hours away from each other, then an hour, and currently 8 hours away. I'm in San Francisco and he's in San Diego. If you include the times we broke up and got back together, we have a 5 and a half year relationship. We broke up before he moved to San Diego but we ended up keeping in touch anyway. During that time we were "single", we tried going out on dates but never had full on relationships with other people. To me, he is "the one" and that's why I'm making this work. I don't know if I'm "the one" for him but he loves me enough to make this relationship work! It's hard on both of us but when we do get to see each other (once a month), it makes all the BS worth while. Everything in life that is worth having takes hard work. That's what I have to remind myself. I just wanted to comment and say that LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS DO WORK! Love is a big risk and life is too short to just sit back and watch.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
My husband and I met online 5 years ago when we were both still teenagers. When we met in person there was definitely a connection that you couldn't deny -which it seems like you have with this man. He lived 6 hours away from me and we made it work. The trick is to take as much time as you can to see him. If you both have jobs that have weekends off you have no excuse not to get together at least once a month if not every other weekend. You don't have to go all the way to each other's houses you can meet in the middle. You can take long weekends and vacations together. You can keep in touch through-out the week with phone calls, emails, and instant messages. If he's really worth it to you than you won't feel like this is sacrifice. At some point you'll be able to make a decision whether to move in together or at least to the same town or if it's not worth it to you. If you love this guy you owe it to yourself and to him to do everything you can to work it out. If you don't love him but just the idea of him than you need to let him go.
Sporky Sporky 8 years
Why do you have to find someone right away? Can't you be alone for a while? It's not that bad!
julieulie julieulie 8 years
Obviously it's a different situation because you've been dating in terms of months, but I'm involved in a married long distance relationship, so obviously I have faith that they CAN work. The key is knowing that at some point -- any point! -- it will end (for me, it will be when I finish my Ph.D., and I can move to where he is doing residency). Sure, it's not pleasant, but if you really love someone, it is worth it. Obviously I think it's worth it, otherwise, I wouldn't have said yes! :)
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