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Advice About Being Able to Trust Guys

You Asked: Raped at a Party


Dear Sugar,

When I was 19-years-old, I was raped at a party. Ever since then it's been hard for me to be in relationship or to have sex in general. I don't trust any guys even though most of my friends are male. I recently kissed my best friend and I'm freaking out. I know he likes me, but I don't want to make him go through the horrible relationship pattern I always go through. I tend to break up with a guy I'm seeing many times and then get back together. I'm afraid after that I'll eventually lose him as a friend not to mention the fact that I'm moving 7,000 miles away in two months. I'm very confused, please help.

—Can't Get Close Clara

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Dear Can't Get Close Clara,

I can completely understand that your horrible past experience has made you nervous and apprehensive about being able to open your heart to a man in a relationship. It makes sense that when you like someone and things get too serious, you worry about getting hurt so instinct tells you to pull away — it's your defense mechanism getting the best of you. Have you ever tried talking to a therapist? You understandably have some things you need to work through and a good therapist could help you feel better about getting close to someone without feeling the need to push him away.

I think you recognize that you're not emotionally ready to be in a relationship, so I'd focus on deepening your friendship with this guy for now. There's no reason you need to rush into anything serious, especially since you're planning on moving away. As you become closer friends with this man, you'll feel more comfortable trusting him. If you find that this relationship is really growing in the right direction, then you can decide if you want to turn it into something more romantic. Remember to take things slowly and with time and a few positive experiences, you'll hopefully realize that there are definitely honest guys out there that you can trust.

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