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Advice About Trusting a Guy

You Asked: Should I Trust Him?

Dear Sugar,

I've been seeing this guy for about a month. The other day I found out from a good friend that he has a girlfriend. When I asked him if it was true, he said it wasn't, so now I don't know who to believe or what to do. I can't stop thinking about him and I don't know if I can trust him. People are telling me to stop seeing him. I agree because I don't want to get hurt even more, but I can't help but think that he's telling the truth. What should I do?

— Confused About This Guy Grace

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Confused About This Guy Grace,

Since you don't know your boyfriend very well, it's hard to say whether you can trust him or not. You approached him about what you heard (which is great, by the way) and he denied it, so he's either seeing someone behind your back and lying to your face, or your friend is wrong and he's telling the truth. To figure out what's going on, it may help to answer a few questions first. Have you both agreed to date each other exclusively? Is the good friend who told you this tidbit of information someone you can trust? Does this guy have a reputation for being a player? Has he done anything in the month you two have been dating to make you mistrust him? These answers will help you get to the bottom of whether or not you should continue seeing this guy.

My advice is to follow your heart and do what you feel is right. If you already don't trust him and aren't that into this relationship, then don't give this guy anymore of your time. If your heart says to believe him, then I'd continue dating him. You should definitely be a little cautious with your feelings though, and keep some emotional distance until you get to know him better. Also, be sure to continue open communication with him, and whenever you have a question or if something is bothering you, don't hesitate to bring it up. I hope things work out.

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the-devastated the-devastated 8 years
Don't jump into cloudy water. You don't know how deep, or shallow, it is.
trixiefire trixiefire 8 years
Asia84 nails it again. He probably DOES have a girlfriend...or else he would have said "Why would they say that?" instead of "Oh they're lying." Dont trust him, find a guy and move on. Your attraction to him is clouding your judgement.
kissmesteph kissmesteph 8 years
Been there, done that. Believe the friend who says he has a gf. It's probably true. What would the person who told you that have to gain? Dump him and move on.
emalove emalove 8 years
Get rid of him...people don't usually make up completely random stuff...I'm sure there's some truth to the whole g/f thing.
NdHebert NdHebert 8 years
A month in and already drama?Dump him, you dont need that in your life!
NdHebert NdHebert 8 years
A month in and already drama? Dump him, you dont need that in your life!
michelleannette michelleannette 8 years
maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. if there is no way to find out for sure, stop seeing him. i doubt anyone would tell you he had a girlfriend if he didn't.
nicachica nicachica 8 years
agreed with all the above, especially Asia's comment. :) and on a totally different note, i love how that girl in the post picture has such crazy frizzy red hair. get this girl some John Frieda product stat! ;)
nicachica nicachica 8 years
agreed with all the above, especially Asia's comment. :) and on a totally different note, i love how that girl in the post picture has such crazy frizzy red hair. get this girl some John Frieda product stat! ;)
Marci Marci 8 years
:D :D And Asia84 - I always get a kick out of your take on a situation. I'm sure you're right on this one, too. :D
Marci Marci 8 years
:D :D And Asia84 - I always get a kick out of your take on a situation. I'm sure you're right on this one, too. :D
Marci Marci 8 years
Rasputin45 took the words right out of my mouth. If there's even a *question* insofar as trust, walk away. It's either there or it isn't, and it's crucial for a relationship to even stand a chance.
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
he probably does have a gf. . . and i bet she's not even a naggy b*tch, so that makes him even more of a ching-b*stard!dump him . . .NEXT!
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
he probably does have a gf. . . and i bet she's not even a naggy b*tch, so that makes him even more of a ching-b*stard! dump him . . .NEXT!
Rasputin45 Rasputin45 8 years
If you have to ask "should I trust him" the answer is probably no.
Poster-of-a-Girl Poster-of-a-Girl 8 years
in my experience, when people tell you that someone has a significant other it is usually because they do, not because the friend has some sort of investment in the situation and are lying to you. I would consider it as a serious red flag. And if you find out he DOES have a gf, please for the love of god, don't even think about giving him a chance. Seriously. Don't fuck another chick over like that.
Poster-of-a-Girl Poster-of-a-Girl 8 years
in my experience, when people tell you that someone has a significant other it is usually because they do, not because the friend has some sort of investment in the situation and are lying to you. I would consider it as a serious red flag.And if you find out he DOES have a gf, please for the love of god, don't even think about giving him a chance. Seriously. Don't fuck another chick over like that.
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
should be easy enough to verify, right? what's the girl friends name? if it were me, when i was single lol, i would want to see what the friends were basing their info on. have they seen them together, is the other girl saying things? for example, if she was a waitress i'd tell my new boy friend that i was taking him out to dinner and show up at her restaurant. if nothing is going on then there's no problem, right? and if something is well then you know not to waste any more time.
mlen mlen 8 years
why are "people" telling you not to date him? if one friend told you they thought he had a gf- that is one thing, but if multiple people are telling you something is off, well then you might want to at least listen to what they have to say! do a little more digging if you can and keep your emotional distance for a while. the truth usually comes out and if he's seeing someone, you'll find out. and if he's not, then there is nothing hurt by moving slowly
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
I suggest you don't dismiss that 'good' friends messages just because you like this guy. You barely know him.
ccsugar ccsugar 8 years
Just trust your gut. And I agree with Dear, just keep your distance for a while. Something isn't right with this situation.
lemassabielle lemassabielle 8 years
Since it sounds like many sources are telling you to not date this man you better take the warning before getting in too deep. I would just make sure these are reliable sources. It might sound sort of intrusive but it's the age of technology. Look up his name on myspace and facebook. See what his marital status says and try to dig up as much dirt as you can if you really like the guy.
lemassabielle lemassabielle 8 years
Since it sounds like many sources are telling you to not date this man you better take the warning before getting in too deep. I would just make sure these are reliable sources. It might sound sort of intrusive but it's the age of technology. Look up his name on myspace and facebook. See what his marital status says and try to dig up as much dirt as you can if you really like the guy.
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