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Conventional Wisdom: Ask a Gay Man



I am a straight woman and I recently broke up with my ex of about three years. I was unhappy more than I was happy, and I wanted to be single again. I moved out and I'm generally enjoying the single life.

The only problem is dating! I just went on a date with a guy who was a casual acquaintance before. We planned to go to dinner, but when he failed to call me before 7 PM, I shot him a text. We met at the restaurant.

I dressed in jeans, boots, and a cute black top. Nothing too fancy, but date appropriate. He showed up in old jeans and — wait for it! — a backwards baseball cap! Throughout the date he proceeded to talk about how we should meet up with his buddies after at a bar. He continued to act generally rude all night, and after offering to get the bill, he actually changed his mind to have us split. It's not like I expect a free meal, but the whole thing was bizarre! I'm getting the feeling that no men out there understand the concept of good dressing and appropriate manners!

I went on a date to get over my ex, but it was so bad I want my ex back. Help!

Signed,

Woman Whose Ex Is Looking Better By the Minute

To read a gay man's answer read more.
Dear WWELBBM,

My dating life has paralleled yours in an almost eerie fashion. I, too, dated a boy for three years, though I would say most of the time I was pretty happy in that relationship. But, alas, it ended, and I've spent the past few years navigating the single world.

After a breakup, the first order of business is to find comfort in being alone. After spending a considerable time in a relationship, it can be hard not having a constant companion by your side. But taking this time to reacquaint you with yourself is paramount. It's best to do this before you jump into dating again. That way you won't be dating to get over the ex.

Now, in terms of this specific date, it sounds like this guy was a dud. But don't assume that all men are duds based on this one experience. Many of them are, but there are a few diamonds in the rough, and the exciting thing about dating is trying a couple guys on for size, and seeing which one fits (literally and figuratively!). This can take a week, a month, even years, but the beauty of this time is that it's spent with you, and aren't you fabulous?

Whatever you do, don't go back to the ex. You, yourself, said you were unhappy, and it's unlikely that anything drastic has changed that will make you feel differently about round two.

In the meantime, love yourself, and step out of your comfort zone. Just this weekend I joined a gay book club and our first meeting is next month. Who knows, by Summer I might be reading in bed with a new boy. Or, here's to hoping.

Good luck out there,
A Gay Guy

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