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Advice From Natasha Janina Valdez on How to Communicate What You Want in Bed

How to Communicate What You Want in Bed

We're excited to welcome clinical sexologist and author of A Little Bit Kinky Dr. Natasha Janina Valdez for a week of guest blogging.

A man’s idea of communication may be quite different than a woman’s. So the trick is to communicate what you want and need clearly without hurting your significant other’s feelings and keeping the sex drive alive. Here are several effective communication techniques:

Be direct and ask for what you want in a simple way. Here's an example. "Honey, touch me right here. I like the way that feels" or "Honey, I love it when you do __________!"

Make lists and leave notes. Make a top five list of what you are dying to try in bed. Be as explicit as possible, exchange lists and then do what you feel comfortable doing to each other. You can also leave notes or send emails that make sexual suggestions. Be specific so you get exactly what you want.

Get her other tips after the jump.

Use a third-party source for suggestions. Men and women's magazines have catchy cover headlines all the time spouting things like "the longest orgasm you'll ever have" or "learn how to have a male multiple orgasm" etc . . . etc . . . Buy these types of magazines, and talk about what caught your eye and then ask your partner if they would be willing to experiment.

Let the pros do it for you. Admit to your significant other that you are lost when it comes to communicating sexually, but you really want to learn to please them and you really want to learn some new things. Then go out and buy some self-help sex books that have all the fun stuff you'd like to try. Read them together and all you have to do is point and say "here's one I'd like to try, what do you think?" I suggest that everyone out there who desires to have fun in bed and endless nights of great sex do this last one for the rest of your lives!


Dr. Natasha Janina Valdez is one of the nation’s leading sex experts and a certified clinical sexologist with a doctorate in human sexuality. Her new book A Little Bit Kinky is an imaginative and open-minded guide to exploring new possibilities in the bedroom and healthier relationships. Visit her online at drnatasha.com.

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