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Advice For Threesomes

Group Therapy: He Wants a Threesome

This question comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My lover wants a threesome and I'm not even sure how to be with another woman. I am curious about it but I'm not into women at all, but I would like to try it just once. How does it go? I don't want to touch another female intimately and I'm not even sure I could handle watching him with another woman. I like him a lot but right now we're only sleeping together, but I'm hoping it will turn into a relationship. I already told him I would try it once, and he hates people who say they'll do something then don't do it, so I feel like I can't back out because I'll lose him. And I don't want to go through with it because what if he "leaves" me because she's better in bed? Or what if he decides he want to keep doing it? Advice? Tips?

Much appreciated.

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JessieSP JessieSP 6 years
Oops :) I meant to say...."The only person that's happy is him"
JessieSP JessieSP 6 years
Oops :) I meant to say...."The only person that's happy is him"
JessieSP JessieSP 6 years
You don't want this so tell him no. 3somes always end disastrous anyway. The only person is happy him.
Padawan-Pri Padawan-Pri 6 years
Ok, i'm gonna sorta re-posted what I've written in response to another guy that wanted a 3some on the site....I've had numerous 3somes in the past... all with people i didn't care about. It's something you do for yourself, not for a partner and this was a selfish time of my life and that is key. During this period, i felt that i wanted to explore and be crazy and it felt right, but i really didn't care about any of my partners, and the guy i was seeing at the time... if i honestly think about it, we both didn't respect each other in the least even though we were affectionate and regarded each other fondly. We weren't using each other, but the fundamental reasons why you stay/bond with someone weren't present at all. The only reason that i didn't feel i was being used is that i wanted it... major point that you're missing if you consider your situation.But now I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man, and even though i haven't lost my kinky side, i don't want to share myself or him with anyone. We are so intimate that to include another person would almost be like giving them an equal share in the kind of lottery you can only dream of... no way, you want it all for yourself. It has nothing to do with the shallow forms of jealousy or possessiveness, it has to do with love and real respect in my case. From my perspective, the more someone loves and appreciates you the more they'll consider your feelings... you don't give someone a 3some, you mutually participate... He isn't for keeps.
Padawan-Pri Padawan-Pri 6 years
Ok, i'm gonna sorta re-posted what I've written in response to another guy that wanted a 3some on the site.... I've had numerous 3somes in the past... all with people i didn't care about. It's something you do for yourself, not for a partner and this was a selfish time of my life and that is key. During this period, i felt that i wanted to explore and be crazy and it felt right, but i really didn't care about any of my partners, and the guy i was seeing at the time... if i honestly think about it, we both didn't respect each other in the least even though we were affectionate and regarded each other fondly. We weren't using each other, but the fundamental reasons why you stay/bond with someone weren't present at all. The only reason that i didn't feel i was being used is that i wanted it... major point that you're missing if you consider your situation. But now I'm in a relationship with a wonderful man, and even though i haven't lost my kinky side, i don't want to share myself or him with anyone. We are so intimate that to include another person would almost be like giving them an equal share in the kind of lottery you can only dream of... no way, you want it all for yourself. It has nothing to do with the shallow forms of jealousy or possessiveness, it has to do with love and real respect in my case. From my perspective, the more someone loves and appreciates you the more they'll consider your feelings... you don't give someone a 3some, you mutually participate... He isn't for keeps.
cupcake24 cupcake24 6 years
I myself have been in a similar position. I found that it was just a way for him to have permission to cheat.If you turned the table and asked to have a three-some with him and another man watch him freak. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander. He is selfish to ask you to do this and ask this of you. You have to think of yourself. If your afraid that he will leave you, remember there will be nothing stopping him leaving if you agree to a three-some after it all done and dusted. It's nothing but a sick mind game. Keep yourself respect and pride and let him hit the highway.
lillianne lillianne 6 years
It does sound like you are doing this for him. I am going through this right now, and am letting him know how I feel. 1. clarify whether this is a one time deal or going to be continuous 2. If you really do NOT want to then there is no question-don't! 3. you lay down the rules 4. If he cannot abide by your rules or your decision then tell him where the door is, and get on with your life with your self respect and pride intact. 'Nuf said.
Venus1 Venus1 6 years
As an afterthought, tell him OK but that you want two men; not unreasonable, why should he dictate the line up? nd as you do so, look him in the eye!Im not suggesting you actually go for this of course but I think this will make the point hit home.
Venus1 Venus1 6 years
As an afterthought, tell him OK but that you want two men; not unreasonable, why should he dictate the line up? nd as you do so, look him in the eye! Im not suggesting you actually go for this of course but I think this will make the point hit home.
danakscully64 danakscully64 6 years
Run. Like. Hell.
danakscully64 danakscully64 6 years
Run. Like. Hell.
pessigo pessigo 6 years
JUST don,t do it
pessigo pessigo 6 years
JUST don,t do it
monicaaimee monicaaimee 6 years
GOOD IDEA IF... it is for fun, you don't want a relationship, you can deal with it, you really want to do it....BAD IDEA IF... you love him, you want a relationship, you are not bisexual, you don't wanna do it, you wanna do it just to keep him. A relationship starting like that is headed for failure or disaster. I did it. it is such a mind fuck!!!!!! On one hand you are so turned on to see your man with another woman (I am bisexual) and on the other hand YOU JUST WANNA KILL HIM! How dare he touch her like that!!! Complete mind fuck! It can destroy a relationship. It can rock the strongest relationship. It is lots of fun, REALLY LOTS OF FUN... if you want to experience it for the fun of it, do it... to keep it... IT AIN'T GONNA WORK Good luck
monicaaimee monicaaimee 6 years
GOOD IDEA IF... it is for fun, you don't want a relationship, you can deal with it, you really want to do it.... BAD IDEA IF... you love him, you want a relationship, you are not bisexual, you don't wanna do it, you wanna do it just to keep him. A relationship starting like that is headed for failure or disaster. I did it. it is such a mind fuck!!!!!! On one hand you are so turned on to see your man with another woman (I am bisexual) and on the other hand YOU JUST WANNA KILL HIM! How dare he touch her like that!!! Complete mind fuck! It can destroy a relationship. It can rock the strongest relationship. It is lots of fun, REALLY LOTS OF FUN... if you want to experience it for the fun of it, do it... to keep it... IT AIN'T GONNA WORK Good luck
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
You can't lose him, because you don't have him.You are basically fuck buddies, not in a real relationship. You want more emotional connection, he wants less. If he doesn't want a relationship with you now, which he doesn't, screwing another woman won't make that happen. If you do what he wants, he will get off and get all of his needs met, and you will be left feeling completely uncomfortable and defeated, which of course he won't give a rat's ass about.I suggest that you find a man who truly cares about you, instead of this tool who is using you as a sperm depository.Good luck.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
You can't lose him, because you don't have him. You are basically fuck buddies, not in a real relationship. You want more emotional connection, he wants less. If he doesn't want a relationship with you now, which he doesn't, screwing another woman won't make that happen. If you do what he wants, he will get off and get all of his needs met, and you will be left feeling completely uncomfortable and defeated, which of course he won't give a rat's ass about. I suggest that you find a man who truly cares about you, instead of this tool who is using you as a sperm depository. Good luck.
AlyCarolina AlyCarolina 6 years
Why would you even consider doing something that you do not like just to keep him around? Are you that desperate that you can't get another guy that values you for more then just being a lover, Also if your going to do it dont be surprised that he is more into her then you because he has already done everything he wanted with you so he will deff give more and do more to her besides just wanting to see some girl on girl action.Like they told you before if you dont like it just say no!!
AlyCarolina AlyCarolina 6 years
Why would you even consider doing something that you do not like just to keep him around? Are you that desperate that you can't get another guy that values you for more then just being a lover, Also if your going to do it dont be surprised that he is more into her then you because he has already done everything he wanted with you so he will deff give more and do more to her besides just wanting to see some girl on girl action. Like they told you before if you dont like it just say no!!
Venus1 Venus1 6 years
Because of the number of questions you are asking really do not think that this would be for you. Only Do This If you are truly comfortable with it.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
You don't sound that into it. If you're doing it just to keep him around, you'll probably regret it later. I don't think a threesome is a good foundation for a relationship.
KadBunny KadBunny 6 years
Okay, ask yourself this: "Would I have wanted to try this at all, whether or not he was around?" Have you always been curious about the experience? Or are you just entertaining the idea now just to keep him around? If that's the case I personally would not do it. Like everyone says, it sounds to me like you're only doing this to keep him around, which I would never do ANYTHING that makes me uncomfortable just for a guy. Let alone someone I'm not even committed to.If he won't leave the subject alone then I suggest you leave him. He obviously doesn't respect your wishes, and there's no reason he has to deny himself the pleasure of having a threesome while you shouldn't have to force yourself into it. You can find good sex elsewhere. :) Good luck.
KadBunny KadBunny 6 years
Okay, ask yourself this: "Would I have wanted to try this at all, whether or not he was around?" Have you always been curious about the experience? Or are you just entertaining the idea now just to keep him around? If that's the case I personally would not do it. Like everyone says, it sounds to me like you're only doing this to keep him around, which I would never do ANYTHING that makes me uncomfortable just for a guy. Let alone someone I'm not even committed to. If he won't leave the subject alone then I suggest you leave him. He obviously doesn't respect your wishes, and there's no reason he has to deny himself the pleasure of having a threesome while you shouldn't have to force yourself into it. You can find good sex elsewhere. :) Good luck.
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