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Afraid to Break Up With Boyfriend

Group Therapy: Afraid to Break Up With Boyfriend

This question is an excerpt from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Well I'm in my mid '20s and still in college.  I struggle with depression which has lead to me struggling with school.  I've had to leave school and I also tried changing majors.  I feel like I'm now finally on the right track, but my illness has cost me a lot.  It has cost me both time and friends.  I am introverted because of it and haven't made as many friends as I think I should have.  Because of this I have become overly attached to my boyfriend who is basically my only social network.  I really want to break up with him but am afraid to because I would feel so cut off.  I also have a weight problem and don't think other guys will like me. I guess my problem is a combination of low self-esteem, lack of a social life, and of course depression. 

I'm working on getting health insurance to get treatment.  And I'm hoping to make friends when school starts again.  How do I build my life up again?  How do I let go of a basically dead end relationship?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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iloveogres520 iloveogres520 5 years
The most important thing to focus on first is yourself. Brake up with him and take time to figure out what you love about yourself. Don't be in a realtinship that you are unhappy with. I agree with a previous comment about depression painting everything in your life negative so evaluate the worth of the relationship first.Therapy may be necessary but you must figure out who you are as an independent being. You will ALWAYS have to deal with yourself so learn to love everything that you are. This may take some time but its worth it. Learn who you are and what it is you want in life. Stay strong and once you have that confidence you will find yourself making friends left and right. People love people with confidence! Good luck and don't be afraid to use the internet to meet new friends. Be cautious for the weirdos though ;)
sweetmisery sweetmisery 5 years
Right before Christmas I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years and lost my job and was feeling pretty depressed about things. I moved to a new city for a new job a few months ago and i was really struggling with how to make new friends. You really do have to put yourself out there. I know how scary that can be especially when your shy and not confident. But seriously fake the confidence and soon you will feel it. Pretend your an actor and just play the part of confidence and eventually you will believe it and it will be natural. I dont know if they have this where you are, but I joined a coed non-competitive sports league for young adults and it has been so much fun. I've met so many cool people. It's really helped make my adjustment so much easier here. Go online and see what you activities you can find for your city. I took up rowing because it's something I've never done before but wanted to. You could do whatever you want but have never had the chance to. Good luck with everything and try to stay strong. Things will get better, if you keep working at it.
sweetmisery sweetmisery 5 years
Right before Christmas I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years and lost my job and was feeling pretty depressed about things.I moved to a new city for a new job a few months ago and i was really struggling with how to make new friends. You really do have to put yourself out there. I know how scary that can be especially when your shy and not confident. But seriously fake the confidence and soon you will feel it. Pretend your an actor and just play the part of confidence and eventually you will believe it and it will be natural. I dont know if they have this where you are, but I joined a coed non-competitive sports league for young adults and it has been so much fun. I've met so many cool people. It's really helped make my adjustment so much easier here. Go online and see what you activities you can find for your city. I took up rowing because it's something I've never done before but wanted to. You could do whatever you want but have never had the chance to. Good luck with everything and try to stay strong. Things will get better, if you keep working at it.
Pistil Pistil 5 years
Oh, and don't find a shy, depressed boyfriend. That's not going to help. You'll remain dependant on that one individual and cut off from everyone else in that sort of insular relationship.
Pistil Pistil 5 years
I was wondering about the relationship with her boyfriend because I know that when I'm depressed I paint everything with the same hopeless brush and I even push good people who care about me out of my life. Maybe the relationship stands a chance, unless it's your boyfriend who's making you depressed. But I would focus on you first. Finding friends and hobbies outside of your boyfriend. When you're happier with your life, you might find yourself happier in your relationship, or you'll find it easier to break up because you're not solely dependant on that one person anymore.
Pistil Pistil 5 years
I was wondering about the relationship with her boyfriend because I know that when I'm depressed I paint everything with the same hopeless brush and I even push good people who care about me out of my life. Maybe the relationship stands a chance, unless it's your boyfriend who's making you depressed. But I would focus on you first. Finding friends and hobbies outside of your boyfriend. When you're happier with your life, you might find yourself happier in your relationship, or you'll find it easier to break up because you're not solely dependant on that one person anymore.
skigurl skigurl 5 years
She said it was a dead end relationship. I assumed that if you were dating a wonderful man the relationship might not be hitting a dead end. But I guess I could be wrong.
skigurl skigurl 5 years
Start working out and going to Weight Watchers. It will give you the motivation you need to realize you can change the way you look and change your outlook and change your life, therefore giving you the courage to dump the loser.
leilani-s leilani-s 5 years
Take care of you first, then what to do about your relationship will become clear. Therapy/counseling is a must, and your campus may have free counseling services while you're setting up health insurance. Can you reach out to any of your estranged friends? Or try meetup.com; join a book group, hiking group, etc. Maybe go to a few church services if you're inclined. Volunteer for a park cleanup. You get the picture - if you get yourself out there, you will meet people and it will help you get out of that paralyzing funk. Good luck!
TammyO TammyO 5 years
No boyfriend. Just get therapy right away it will help you stand on your own two feet and deal with your low-self esteem.
leonabanks leonabanks 5 years
I don't agree that you should find someone who struggling with the same thing you are. I think you should focus on making more girl friends. Hopefully girls who are confident in themselves and can rub off on you.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
Find a shy, depressed boyfriend. (I'm serious.) That way, both of you can help each other deal with being shy and depressed, and can provide each other with the attention, affection, comfort, and encouragement that each of you need. I firmly believe that a shy, depressed boyfriend who provides these things for you is better for you than a 'happy' boyfriend who does not.
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