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Age Difference in Relationships

Group Therapy: Is It the Age Difference, or Is It Him?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

It's not a big age difference, only seven years, but he used to say they're ten years. Frankly I don't know if this has to do anything with the relationship or it is the nature of the man vs. the woman.

Anyway, I am so romantic and the fact that I hadn't had a relationship for three years before him made me so vulnerable, he loves that because I don't try to hide my feelings or act hard to get, when I miss him I tell, when I need him I tell. The problem is that he's not like that for me. He has to finish all the work he's asked to do, if he's not in the mood "we" can wait. Another opposite side of him — which I like — is that when he needs to rest, complain, make future plans, or pour himself to someone . . . I am that one.

I need more of him, most of him, more nights on the beach, on the couch, more hugs and cuddles, more and more of "I love you" and "I miss you," while he enjoys that we in the first place can discuss all matters of life, we have dialogue even if it's not about love, we have intimacy, chemistry and he thinks that if he doesn't say I love you as much that's because it's not what the love is all about.

What should I do to make him more open to me? How come he laughs like a child with me and has future plans for us, but can work until he drops instead of being with me during those hours?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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dark-chocola dark-chocola 4 years
thank you lenay
dark-chocola dark-chocola 4 years
thank you lenay
Lenay Lenay 4 years
I love my son and greatly enjoy spending time with him; but I have to earn a living too. Most of the time my son understands that the bills won't pay themselves. You should understand the same. Adults have adult responsibilities.
Miss-Kaylie Miss-Kaylie 4 years
OP,Sorry to hear you got attacked! That's so scary! If it were me, I'd focus on some time with friends and take a self defense class. It will get you out of the house, give you the opportunity to meet other women (who may have similar experiences) and possibly build some friendships, and of course teach you some valuable skills in case that should ever happen again, it will make you feel better in the day-to-day stuff like running errands, etc. so you aren't always dependent upon your BF for these types of things. I think if you were a little less available to him once in awhile would help as well. You'd be surprised how much impact not being available for time together just once will impact his take on the situation! When he realizes you're an individual and your world doesn't revolve around him, he may change his tune. Best of luck to you!
Miss-Kaylie Miss-Kaylie 4 years
OP, Sorry to hear you got attacked! That's so scary! If it were me, I'd focus on some time with friends and take a self defense class. It will get you out of the house, give you the opportunity to meet other women (who may have similar experiences) and possibly build some friendships, and of course teach you some valuable skills in case that should ever happen again, it will make you feel better in the day-to-day stuff like running errands, etc. so you aren't always dependent upon your BF for these types of things. I think if you were a little less available to him once in awhile would help as well. You'd be surprised how much impact not being available for time together just once will impact his take on the situation! When he realizes you're an individual and your world doesn't revolve around him, he may change his tune. Best of luck to you!
dark-chocola dark-chocola 4 years
WOW,,Thank you..I guess?!Now i can see the real situation between us from outside, I do have a job, and when i think why i act so clingy, i don't know, if that's my way to say i love you, or that low self esteem or what else?i'll try behaving better but, since i was attacked by a stranger weeks ago, i just feel scared every time i need to go out , i just don't
dark-chocola dark-chocola 4 years
WOW,,Thank you..I guess?! Now i can see the real situation between us from outside, I do have a job, and when i think why i act so clingy, i don't know, if that's my way to say i love you, or that low self esteem or what else? i'll try behaving better but, since i was attacked by a stranger weeks ago, i just feel scared every time i need to go out , i just don't
daisy23 daisy23 4 years
You know what sometimes there are reasons why we become clingy.I have never in my life been this kind of person until my last boyfriend. After we broke up I realized that though we love each other madly there was a crucial connection factor that was not there. He didn't completely understand me, he was appreciative of my qualities but was the opposite of them. Eventually I became a bit clingy to fill this void. and you know what it will never work. Hope this helps
atraditionalist atraditionalist 4 years
Also how much I love yous and cuddles are you expecting? Please know that someone cannot affirm their love for you every second they are with you -do you do that to your mother? or best friend? No, nor should you do that with your man
missmaryb missmaryb 4 years
Go out and get yourself a life outside of this guy. Don't be a cling-on, it's such a turn off. No guy can give you attention, affection and affirmation 24/7. I would die if a guy were that far up my butt lol. Go out and find some friends, join something, get a job if you don't have one, take some classes, go shopping, something...anything to find interests outside of your relationship. You will end up pushing him away if you keep doing what you're doing now.
karlotta karlotta 4 years
He's got a balanced vision of life, and you sound super clingy and needy. Sorry to say, I don't think the problem is him, here...
CCLn CCLn 4 years
Your post made it seem like you're very clingy. By the way, not all guys are into mushy stuffs, 24/7 cuddling-hugs, or excessive 'I love you's. And you can't change a man if he's not that much into it. It also seems that he's a good guy who actually considers you someone he can turn to.It's not his job to make you to be a more confident or secured person, you're the only one who can do it for yerself.
CCLn CCLn 4 years
Your post made it seem like you're very clingy. By the way, not all guys are into mushy stuffs, 24/7 cuddling-hugs, or excessive 'I love you's. And you can't change a man if he's not that much into it. It also seems that he's a good guy who actually considers you someone he can turn to. It's not his job to make you to be a more confident or secured person, you're the only one who can do it for yerself.
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 4 years
Seriously? "Why is he doing the job he's being paid to do instead of hanging out with me?" yikes.
GTCB GTCB 4 years
Uh... jeez. Okay, let me put this to you gently sweetie: it's not always all about you.
atraditionalist atraditionalist 4 years
People will always want their cake and eat it too, especially if you let them. I wouldn't dump him right yet as the first comment says. First, look into yourself and ask if you are truly being reasonable. Does he work more hours than most people? Is it because you don't have a job and therefore don't have much to do during the day? Are you dependent on him because you don't have a very large social network/ All these factors can make you "need" him more. The key to getting a man though is not to appear "needy". Let him know wiithout whining that you want to spend more time together, that you love traditional gestures of romance (such as I love yous and cuddles etc). If he doesn't follow through you've got to pull back a little and if he asks you why you aren't you, tell him that a relationship involves two people, not one person . This is going to sound harsh, but you need to stop whining. If you are lonely schedule time with friends, go out and do something and don't be available to him all the time if he is clearly unwilling to be available to you
atraditionalist atraditionalist 4 years
People will always want their cake and eat it too, especially if you let them. I wouldn't dump him right yet as the first comment says. First, look into yourself and ask if you are truly being reasonable. Does he work more hours than most people? Is it because you don't have a job and therefore don't have much to do during the day? Are you dependent on him because you don't have a very large social network/ All these factors can make you "need" him more.The key to getting a man though is not to appear "needy". Let him know wiithout whining that you want to spend more time together, that you love traditional gestures of romance (such as I love yous and cuddles etc). If he doesn't follow through you've got to pull back a little and if he asks you why you aren't you, tell him that a relationship involves two people, not one person .This is going to sound harsh, but you need to stop whining. If you are lonely schedule time with friends, go out and do something and don't be available to him all the time if he is clearly unwilling to be available to you
dark-chocola dark-chocola 4 years
how can i deal with this? i mean i am trying, but every time i stop care that much, he gets sad and just want me to be me..
pax4pax pax4pax 4 years
You can find better than what this guy is offering you. Go do it. There are a hundred guys out there that will be better than what he has been. Try it.
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