I recently went through a very bad breakup with the father of my daughter. We were together for three years and my friend witnessed and supported me through many hard times. While we were dating, my boyfriend never liked her because of all the time that we spent together, and the feeling was mutual. She hated the way he treated me; and with good reason.
The other night, my friend and I were on the phone talking about her apartment search. I mentioned that my ex was also looking for a new, cheaper place and my friend had the audacity to suggest living with him. I was blown away by her proposal as this is the same ex that she can't stand to even be in the same room with.
After I snapped at her in response, she thought I was being irrational and acted like her idea was just a big joke. Why would my so called friend even suggest something like that to me, whether it was a joke or not? Do you think I have a right to be upset with her or is she right? Am I over-reacting? Pissed off Pamela
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Dear Pissed off Pamela
You have every right to be upset with your friend. Even though she said her roommate suggestion was a joke, it was hurtful. Perhaps calmly explaining to her why you got so upset might make her understand where you are coming from.
Your friend might be acting defensive because she knows her comment was ridiculous and wrong. Try apologizing for snapping at her and then say something to this effect:
"I am really sorry for snapping at you the other day, but suggesting to live with my ex after all we have been through was a pretty low blow to me. You hurt my feelings. I don't want to dwell on this, but I just want you to know how you made me feel."
Flipping the situation and asking her how she would feel if the circumstance was reversed might help as well. If she still can't understand why you are disappointed by her remark then she might not be that good of a friend after all.