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Am I Overreacting?

Dear Sugar--
I've been dating this guy for about a year. Everything was going great up until a few incidents that are making me second guess him. The first situation happened when we were out for breakfast and a couple of ladies called out his name. It was co-workers from a previous job and they walked over to the table and started talking to him. I got no introduction from him or them, and it was as if I wasn't there. Then last night, we went out to dinner and he received a phone call. He proceeded to tell the person on the other end of the phone that he was in "a meeting" and had to call them back. I asked him as to why he lied, why he couldn't just say he was out to dinner with his girlfriend...I felt that I was disrespected on both occasions. Am I overreacting here or are these big red flags? --Am I Blind Beth

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Am I Blind Beth--
I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news here, but yes, your boyfriend's actions are in fact big red flags. The lack of introduction at breakfast could have been a case of him not remembering their names, but lying about having dinner with you is inexcusable. You say you have been dating this man for a year, but are you in a monogamous relationship? It sounds as though you are simply not on the same page.

When you pushed back on your boyfriend's lie at dinner, what was his reaction? Was he defensive and uncomfortable? Have you expressed how his coyness about your role in his life is making you feel? It sounds as though you need to have a heart to heart and hash out the future of your relationship.

You have every right to feel the way you do and I do not think you are overreacting in the slightest. If you are not getting what you need and want from him, I advise you to get out of this one sided relationship. You deserve to be with a man who respects you as his girlfriend, someone who is truthful and loving, not someone who acts ashamed to admit he is in a relationship with you. Trust your instincts Beth and I wish you luck.

Source

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Join The Conversation
kins kins 8 years
hmm...I'm definitely in the minority but I feel like the second incident could have been harmless. The person on the other end could have been the type of friend/relative who would have kept on blabbing if they knew he was "just" out with his gf...but would have appreciated the seriousness of a "meeting." It definitely depends on how he responded when you asked why he lied though...
junebrug junebrug 8 years
You're not overreacting at all. Just ask him why he did what he did. It could be innocent. You won't know until you ask, and like all women, you'll know if he's telling the truth or not. If you've been in a monogamous relationship for a year, you're his girlfriend, period. If he doesn't feel that way after a year, he never will, and it's best to kick him to the curb. I've been in relationships with several "mysterious" men and trust me, there's always something there (your sixth sense already knows the answer to your question) and it will cost you way more in antacids than he's worth.
japokie japokie 8 years
I have so say that sometimes, I forget faces/names and don't introduce them to my boyfriend and it has happened visa versa. I told him after the first incident that if this ever happens it is because I forgot the person's name, simple. Now with the second part of "being in a meeting"..I feel after a year it should of been stated differently. I wouldn't expect: "I am having dinner with my beautiful girlfriend" but a simple: "I'm having dinner" would of been nice. I would say-red flag.
japokie japokie 8 years
I have so say that sometimes, I forget faces/names and don't introduce them to my boyfriend and it has happened visa versa. I told him after the first incident that if this ever happens it is because I forgot the person's name, simple. Now with the second part of "being in a meeting"..I feel after a year it should of been stated differently. I wouldn't expect: "I am having dinner with my beautiful girlfriend" but a simple: "I'm having dinner" would of been nice. I would say-red flag.
japokie japokie 8 years
I have so say that sometimes, I forget faces/names and don't introduce them to my boyfriend and it has happened visa versa. I told him after the first incident that if this ever happens it is because I forgot the person's name, simple. Now with the second part of "being in a meeting"..I feel after a year it should of been stated differently. I wouldn't expect: "I am having dinner with my beautiful girlfriend" but a simple: "I'm having dinner" would of been nice. I would say-red flag.
princess-bttrcup princess-bttrcup 8 years
You deserve to be respected. A guy should be HONORED to be out with you and PROUD to introduce you to anyone who's path you cross. He should want to show you off :-)
Hope5 Hope5 8 years
Sorry overreact.
Hope5 Hope5 8 years
Sorry overreact.
Hope5 Hope5 8 years
No you didn't overrated!
Hope5 Hope5 8 years
No you didn't overrated!
kungfubunni kungfubunni 8 years
When you say ladies do you mean old ladies? or hot young chicks? i think if it was hot girls i'd be a little annoyed, but then old ladies love to meet girlfriends so either way it's kinda weird. but i agree, boys can be kinda dumb in social situations.
GQ_send GQ_send 8 years
What kind of man would tell the person on the other line that he's in a meeting when in doubt he's hanging out with his girlfriend? Leave him
cravinsugar cravinsugar 8 years
I don't think UI have ever dated a guy where the parent's teaching of manners in the 'introduction' subject rubbed off. Also, I tell people all the time when they call me, and I don't want to talk, I am on my way to meeting, about to walk into a meeting, or don't answer and text them that I am in a meeting. I wonder at what time you were eating dinner? If I had skipped out to work at home one day and was out for an early dinner and usedt hee xcuse that i was in a meeting it would be to save my job. Then again, if your boyf doesn't have that knid of job, red flag here. _________________________________________________________ Why don't you wear the face you have when I am not around?
cravinsugar cravinsugar 8 years
I don't think UI have ever dated a guy where the parent's teaching of manners in the 'introduction' subject rubbed off. Also, I tell people all the time when they call me, and I don't want to talk, I am on my way to meeting, about to walk into a meeting, or don't answer and text them that I am in a meeting. I wonder at what time you were eating dinner? If I had skipped out to work at home one day and was out for an early dinner and usedt hee xcuse that i was in a meeting it would be to save my job. Then again, if your boyf doesn't have that knid of job, red flag here._________________________________________________________Why don't you wear the face you have when I am not around?
ash_marisa ash_marisa 8 years
I have a feeling she emailed Dear to get some insight BEFORE she talked to him... I don't think she has spoken to him at all, maybe she was afraid that she was making a bid deal out of nothing, and wanted advice first. If this is true, she really just needs to talk to him about it.
ash_marisa ash_marisa 8 years
I have a feeling she emailed Dear to get some insight BEFORE she talked to him...I don't think she has spoken to him at all, maybe she was afraid that she was making a bid deal out of nothing, and wanted advice first. If this is true, she really just needs to talk to him about it.
DearSugar DearSugar 8 years
This was all the information I was given. I understand your perspective Mme Hart, but unfortunately Am I Blind Beth didn't divuldge her boyfriends response...
jennifer76 jennifer76 8 years
I agree with some of the comments above. Guys aren't women no matter how much you want them to be. They can be flaky about introductions, sometimes. When my husband does that, I just put my hand out and say, hi I'm Jen. No biggie.I'd like to know what his response to you was, as well. Maybe he was just trying to get off the phone quickly, or maybe he was talking to someone from work and wanted to make it look like he was nose to the grindstone.If, in an entire year of dating, these are the only things that have ever made you uncomfortable, then yes I think you're overreacting. If he's regularly made a habit of not letting anybody know you're his girlfriend, that's a different story.
jennifer76 jennifer76 8 years
I agree with some of the comments above. Guys aren't women no matter how much you want them to be. They can be flaky about introductions, sometimes. When my husband does that, I just put my hand out and say, hi I'm Jen. No biggie. I'd like to know what his response to you was, as well. Maybe he was just trying to get off the phone quickly, or maybe he was talking to someone from work and wanted to make it look like he was nose to the grindstone. If, in an entire year of dating, these are the only things that have ever made you uncomfortable, then yes I think you're overreacting. If he's regularly made a habit of not letting anybody know you're his girlfriend, that's a different story.
cubadog cubadog 8 years
I would like to see what his response was to your conversation. It would make it a lot easier. I am not surprised that he did not introduce you to people he used to work with most guys have a tendency to introduce their GF to people that are significant to them. As for what he said to the phone call I have done that myself when I bailed on work early to to go an appointment and my boss called me.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 8 years
I agree with some of the comments above. This is a tough one since it only happened twice. You need to look at the overall picture. Does he do this every time you meet his friends - or was this a freak situation and he was being a typical guy? I don’t care for his “I am in a meeting” response when “I am busy at the moment, I will call you back when I am free” would have worked just fine. But everyone slips up sometimes when they are put on the spot. Maybe that is a normal response every time he talks to a business client and didn’t realize what he said until after you asked him about it. However, I do feel that you need to be with a man that is proud to show you off to everyone he meets. My advice is to talk to him about the two situations and tell him how they made you feel insignificant. If you guys are in a steady relationship – he will understand and make a mental note next time you run into old friends of his. Good Luck!
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 8 years
I agree with some of the comments above. This is a tough one since it only happened twice. You need to look at the overall picture. Does he do this every time you meet his friends - or was this a freak situation and he was being a typical guy? I don’t care for his “I am in a meeting” response when “I am busy at the moment, I will call you back when I am free” would have worked just fine. But everyone slips up sometimes when they are put on the spot. Maybe that is a normal response every time he talks to a business client and didn’t realize what he said until after you asked him about it. However, I do feel that you need to be with a man that is proud to show you off to everyone he meets. My advice is to talk to him about the two situations and tell him how they made you feel insignificant. If you guys are in a steady relationship – he will understand and make a mental note next time you run into old friends of his. Good Luck!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
Agree w/ Mme Hart on all points. Can you post w/ more info?
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
Agree w/ Mme Hart on all points. Can you post w/ more info?
Mme-Hart Mme-Hart 8 years
sorry for the double-vision! lol
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