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Am I Pushing Him to Get Married?

"Am I Pushing Him to Get Married?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Please bear with me with the long details. I'm 25 years old and I'm dating a man who's 30 years older than me. We've been together for two years, we get along great, and most of the time we really have fun. The age difference doesn't show much when you don't try hard to notice. However, lately I've been thinking about where we are going with this thing. He's a very private guy and likes to take things slowly. There's nothing wrong, but he had a divorce seven years ago and since then he's been careful about his feelings until this time — he really felt something great with me. The divorce, in a way, discouraged him from pursuing anything permanent anymore, and I understand that, too, but at the same time, I wonder if we want the same thing down the road since we're at such different stages of life.

A lot of my friends of the same age are getting married, or are with someone who is headed toward that direction for sure. I'm never someone who likes to push a guy to propose or anything, but with him, I don't know what he's looking for. To me, it seems like he's done the marriage thing before and doesn't want to go there fast or at all anymore, and it probably won't be a pity, but if I assume this and talk about it with him, he gets upset and always says, "How do you know?" or "I'll never say never," or "Maybe, maybe not." I understand people can't foresee how things will go and maybe someday we will both feel right and we'll just get married, but with him, I don't think it will ever happen, considering his personality and past experience, or it would probably take him a long time before he would even consider that, which I'm not sure I can wait that long.

In my situation, I feel like I'm still at the young stage where the things newlyweds dream about or look forward to still seem exciting. Older people may see that as childish, but I think everyone deserves a chance to experience that "childishness" at least once in life. I certainly don't expect the person I'm with to marry me tomorrow or next year, but I need to manage my expectations here, so being with someone who is already disheartened about the whole relationship thing makes me a little pessimistic. I think he's OK with just being together forever, and if marriage happens down the road, fine, but if not, no big deal. I'm not sure I can deal with that.

I hope all this makes sense. I'm in no way in a hurry to get married or anything — let it be someone this much older or someone my own age. I feel sad because I wish we were the same age, so there won't be a lot of judgment or practical issues before us such as the age gap and all other things that entail. It's hard to give up now since we've built a lot of things together and are getting even stronger, and I don't think it's nice for me to just "dump an old man." But should I really be concerned here? Or should I just wait it out and see what happens? The latter option kind of scares me with this case, considering my guy's past and personality.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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