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Am I Rushing Into Marriage?

Group Therapy: Am I Rushing Into Marriage?

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm not an expert when it comes to how soon one should get married. I myself have been seeing someone for about a year now. I have known him for quite long as we are from the same town, so when he showed interest I asked if we could be friends first and get to know each other before dating.

I'm 24 and he is 30; we recently started dating and he proposed to me. We decided to only get married in a years time. So for now we are focusing on getting to know each other and we are busy building a house to move in together by the beginning of next year. We are working in different towns but that does not stop us from spending time together whenever we can.

I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with him, but the only problem in our way is the fact that my parents haven't met him yet and I don't know how to start telling them! I have already met his family and they are ready to meet mine. The question is how do I start telling my mother when she still thinks up until now that I'm her little girl? Please help.

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dikke-kus dikke-kus 5 years
This post is a bit confusing. You are getting engaged, and building a house together in a year? Then married after/before the house in a year? And haven't said anything to mom about him the house or the engagement? Or wedding plans? Good luck to you. It seems a little crazy though. I had a friend who got married, planned her wedding and then bought a house at the same time. Plus she was working full time. She had a breakdown in San Fransisco on her honeymoon and cried for four days. Some honeymoon. My advise is take it easy and slow down. Let you mom meet him one day and give her a little clue here and there about things going on so she feels included and respected in your life.
HollyJRockNRoll HollyJRockNRoll 5 years
You should get to know each other first!! You're very young, and sometimes when people hit thirty they get the marriage bug and feel pressure to tie the knot. That's not your problem. The fact you have to ask shows you know this is the wrong move. Slow it down.
runningesq runningesq 5 years
You don't get engaged and then get to know someone ... it should be the other way around. What's the rush?
runningesq runningesq 5 years
You don't get engaged and <i>then</i> get to know someone ... it should be the other way around.What's the rush?
lickety-split lickety-split 5 years
If you aren't comfortable telling the important people in your life that you're getting married: THERE'S A REASON.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 5 years
Totally agree with the above - the problem isn't your Mom, although you should tell her sooner rather than later - the problem is that getting to know one another is supposed to come first. I'm honestly really confused by what's going on here.
Bailey-Bloom Bailey-Bloom 5 years
Totally agree with the above posters. Sweetie, you have to know someone before you get married to them or else you will be in for a surprise once you do. Also, you just have to tell your mom. It sounds like you are a bit iffy on this wedding that's why you think she will not respond too well. A lot of parents still think one of their kids as their little baby and that's normal. Maybe you need to rethink about marrying him. If you already know that you want to spend the rest of your life with him, why rush? You should just enjoy the ride and the honeymoon stage (it still sounds like you are in this stage) which I think is the best part of the relationship. Good luck!
Bailey-Bloom Bailey-Bloom 5 years
Totally agree with the above posters. Sweetie, you have to know someone before you get married to them or else you will be in for a surprise once you do. Also, you just have to tell your mom. It sounds like you are a bit iffy on this wedding that's why you think she will not respond too well. A lot of parents still think one of their kids as their little baby and that's normal. Maybe you need to rethink about marrying him. If you already know that you want to spend the rest of your life with him, why rush? You should just enjoy the ride and the honeymoon stage (it still sounds like you are in this stage) which I think is the best part of the relationship. Good luck!
Stargolden Stargolden 5 years
Marriage is a HUGE step and you gotta make sure that you're ready. There's nothing wrong with a long engagement, filtering things out, and preparing yourself for a major step. Ideally, he should have met your parents before the proposal. A person's family can tell you a lot about the person and who the person may become in the future. As for your mom, telling her should not be something you're afraid of. You should be excited to let her know about your love...~!
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
I'm with Betty and Joe. Per your mom, I think you need to just let her know, waiting longer will just make it harder for you to do so. And if you're happy and in love, I'm sure your mom will give her blessings. You're not a little girl anymore too :)
kurniakasih kurniakasih 5 years
I'm with Betty and Joe. Per your mom, I think you need to just let her know, waiting longer will just make it harder for you to do so. And if you're happy and in love, I'm sure your mom will give her blessings. You're not a little girl anymore too :)
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
What makes you think your mother would respond so poorly to your plans to get married? It sounds like you might have your own doubts, like Joe said you're supposed to get to know someone and THEN build a house and get married. If you decide he's a jerk three months from now, what happens to that house you two are building? The only thing to do is tell her, waiting will just make it harder. Just tell her you met a wonderful man and you'd like to spend the rest of your life with him. Maybe that will be the jolt she needs to realize you're not her little girl anymore.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 5 years
What makes you think your mother would respond so poorly to your plans to get married? It sounds like you might have your own doubts, like Joe said you're supposed to get to know someone and THEN build a house and get married. If you decide he's a jerk three months from now, what happens to that house you two are building?The only thing to do is tell her, waiting will just make it harder. Just tell her you met a wonderful man and you'd like to spend the rest of your life with him. Maybe that will be the jolt she needs to realize you're not her little girl anymore.
Hopebn Hopebn 5 years
Yes you are right and im going to take it one day at a time.i have known him for quite a while and have spend time with him,but i still think its not enough,i love him and i olso know that we are both not pertfect so i do not expect him to be all that,but im willing to give us a chance.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
You should get to know each other, THEN decide if you want to get married (not the other way around, as you have said). Are you extremely familiar with each and every one of his personality weaknesses? Is he extremely familiar with yours? Have the two of you ever sat down and discussed each other's personality weaknesses in detail? Do this before even thinking of getting engaged.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 5 years
You should get to know each other, THEN decide if you want to get married (not the other way around, as you have said). Are you extremely familiar with each and every one of his personality weaknesses? Is he extremely familiar with yours? Have the two of you ever sat down and discussed each other's personality weaknesses in detail? Do this before even <i>thinking</> of getting engaged.
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