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Will Anyone Ever Be Good Enough?

Dear Sugar
My mom hates all of my boyfriends. When I was in college, I dated someone for two years and my mother would always belittle our relationship and make fun of him. Now that I am older, she continues to find flaws in everyone I introduce her to and she never has an open mind about anyone.

I have been dating the sweetest guy for the past three months and I finally brought him home to meet my parents. He was very polite, engaging, and witty and I just sat back and observed as the conversation flowed. This was fantastic! I thought that this time my mom had finally liked one of my boyfriends - but of course, the next day she trashed him.

I have asked my mom so many times to please respect who I date and not to judge him before she has the chance to get to know him. You'd think she'd listen, but time after time she apologizes, but then does it again. It's unbelievable how much she hates them all. I am really into this guy, what can I do? Outraged Olivia

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Outraged Olivia
Oftentimes our parents don't think anyone is good enough for their baby but that is no reason to be judgemental. Has someone hurt you in the past to make your parents extra over protective of you? Is there one specific trait that each of these guys possess that is rubbing your parents the wrong way?

If you feel strongly about continuing to date this guy, then suggest spending more time as a group so that your mom can get to know him better. Maybe then she'll have the opportunity to see all the great things that you see in him. Since your talks with your mom haven't been working, keep sitting her down and talking with her seriously until you get through to her.

Ask her to explain her rationale -- you don't necessarily need to agree with her, but at least you can understand where she is coming from. Let your mom know how important her approval is to you and what a difference it would make in your relationship.

If your heart to heart doesn't work, perhaps you should hold off introducing guys to your parents until they are ready to have an open mind about the men you date. I know that would be hard for you, but it's all part of growing up and realizing that you parents are humans who have their own flaws.

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