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Aren't you hitting on the wrong girl?

Aren't you hitting on the wrong girl?

Dear Sugar
My childhood friend has been dating her boyfriend for over two years and they seem to be very much in love. I don't know much about him, only what she has told me, as we all live in different cities. The other night, a big group of us went out to dinner and dancing for a mutual friend's birthday. We all had a little too much to drink and I noticed that my friend's boyfriend was watching me from across the bar.

I tried to let it slide, but it seemed like every time I turned my head he was right there. I started getting weirded out so I told my boyfriend. He thought I was over-reacting. I tried to let it go, but I could tell that what I was feeling was powerful. Later, on the dance floor, out of nowhere my friend's boyfriend came up to me, took hold of my head and started kissing the back of my neck.

I was disgusted and immediately shoved him off of me and ran over to tell my boyfriend. All my friends saw the kiss except for my best friend. The news spread like wild fire and he of course blamed everything on me. He told my friend that I was making advances at him all night and leading him on. Unfortunately, my friend believed him.

The following day I called her several times but she never answered. I kept calling and I even stopped by her house, but she wouldn't talk to me. I am heart broken that she is taking his word over mine. We have been best friends for over 15 years and I am devastated. Why is she acting this way? Should I apologize even though I did nothing wrong to try to mend this friendship? Bummed Out Becky

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Bummed Out Becky
I am really sorry to hear about your predicament; what an awful situation. Fighting with your best friend can feel like the worst feeling in the world. What bad timing that everyone saw her boyfriend's sleazy moves but her. I think you have done the right thing by reaching out to her. Have you heard how she is doing from any mutual friends? Do you know if they are they still together?

Since you did nothing wrong, I would not apologize or own up to something you didn't do. If you want to mend the situation, you can let her know how sorry you are for this situation and try explaining to her that it is very hard for you as well. Since she is not answering your calls, try writing her a letter or sending her an e-mail explaining your side of the story.

Let her know how much her friendship means to you and how upset you are by this horrible misunderstanding. Reiterate that you would never purposefully hurt her. Do your best to try to make her see that you are not the one to blame.

Sometimes people need their space to work through trying times. I think all you can do, if she does not respond to your efforts, is wait for her to be ready. Hopefully, for your friend's sake, she will realize that her boyfriend is not worth her time and you are her true friend. Good Luck.

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hazel_eyes_smile hazel_eyes_smile 9 years
That's terrible! I'm sorry your friend is taking it so badly. I had a friend who would always look the other way when her boyfriend cheated. She was afraid of being alone, and would rather be with a guy who cheated on her than be alone. She lost a lot of friends because she'd cut us off when we tried to tell her what her guy was doing behind her back. Her behavior just kept letting him get away with his bad behavior, time after time. I hope your friend faces up to what's happening.
lilxmissxmolly lilxmissxmolly 9 years
Wow! That sucks...Some guys are such jerks. Did he bother to explain why, even if you were, as he claimed, "leading him on", he was hte one who kissed you? It sounds like yoru friend is in typical boyfriend denial. Good luck to you. ~* “I think the thing to do is to enjoy the ride while you're on it.” -Johnny Depp *~
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
:( This sucks. I had something very similar happen to me and I'm sorry to say but the friendship has never recovered. Good luck to you. :hug:
SugarCane SugarCane 9 years
Oh Becky, honey I am sooo sorry! That "jerk" was drunk, but keep in mind "a drunk man's actions or words are a sober man's thoughts". As for your friend's reaction...well she loves this guy (sad to say), so she doesn't want to face the fact he can be sexually attracted to anyone else. So, I know what I am about to ask of you is hard, but here is is: "don't take what this jerk did to heart." He would have and more than likely will do this to some other poor unsuspecting girl. Unfortunately, that night he found you attractive, the next night it will be another girl. Please think about this Becky, this is what he does...this is his behavior...I'll bet you "twenty dollars to a donut", this wasn't the first time he has made a pass at one of his girlfriend's friends. This is just what he does! As for your friend, give it time. We can only hope she does not want to give up a long friendship. Also, you did nothing wrong, so stop saying you are sorry. Your poor friend just can't face the fact this man is a JERK!
t0xxic t0xxic 9 years
GOOD GRIEF first off hes horrible for hitting on his girls friend and then with ur bf there to! Doesnt she know u enough to know u wouldnt let that happen esp with her and ur bf around? Ur other friends need to pipe in here and help esp if she wont contact you. GL with this hopefully she will see what a jerk he is before he breaks her heart, and ruins ur friendship.
E-Dubs E-Dubs 9 years
If all your friends saw the kiss and you told your boyfriend that he was creeping you out earlier why don't they talk to her for you? She may not believe anything coming from you right now but if she hears the truth from other people she would probably figure things out. Also, you should probably think about whether or not you could have unintentionally sent him signs. You said you all had a little too much to drink? I'm not saying you did but she could be reacting to something she or someone else thought was going on. Maybe you should talk to someone else who was there but wasn't emotionally involved and get their take on it.
honey31 honey31 9 years
I am so sorry to hear that!I hope that she will believe you eventually if not than she is not worth being friends with!I wish all the luck in the world.
bluejeanie bluejeanie 9 years
all you can do is tell her what happened. she may or may not believe you but something tells me her creepy boyfriend is going to do this again with another girl. eventually she'll figure out she's dating a sleaze.
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