My childhood friend has been dating her boyfriend for over two years and they seem to be very much in love. I don't know much about him, only what she has told me, as we all live in different cities. The other night, a big group of us went out to dinner and dancing for a mutual friend's birthday. We all had a little too much to drink and I noticed that my friend's boyfriend was watching me from across the bar.
I tried to let it slide, but it seemed like every time I turned my head he was right there. I started getting weirded out so I told my boyfriend. He thought I was over-reacting. I tried to let it go, but I could tell that what I was feeling was powerful. Later, on the dance floor, out of nowhere my friend's boyfriend came up to me, took hold of my head and started kissing the back of my neck.
I was disgusted and immediately shoved him off of me and ran over to tell my boyfriend. All my friends saw the kiss except for my best friend. The news spread like wild fire and he of course blamed everything on me. He told my friend that I was making advances at him all night and leading him on. Unfortunately, my friend believed him.
The following day I called her several times but she never answered. I kept calling and I even stopped by her house, but she wouldn't talk to me. I am heart broken that she is taking his word over mine. We have been best friends for over 15 years and I am devastated. Why is she acting this way? Should I apologize even though I did nothing wrong to try to mend this friendship? Bummed Out Becky
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Dear Bummed Out Becky
I am really sorry to hear about your predicament; what an awful situation. Fighting with your best friend can feel like the worst feeling in the world. What bad timing that everyone saw her boyfriend's sleazy moves but her. I think you have done the right thing by reaching out to her. Have you heard how she is doing from any mutual friends? Do you know if they are they still together?
Since you did nothing wrong, I would not apologize or own up to something you didn't do. If you want to mend the situation, you can let her know how sorry you are for this situation and try explaining to her that it is very hard for you as well. Since she is not answering your calls, try writing her a letter or sending her an e-mail explaining your side of the story.
Let her know how much her friendship means to you and how upset you are by this horrible misunderstanding. Reiterate that you would never purposefully hurt her. Do your best to try to make her see that you are not the one to blame.
Sometimes people need their space to work through trying times. I think all you can do, if she does not respond to your efforts, is wait for her to be ready. Hopefully, for your friend's sake, she will realize that her boyfriend is not worth her time and you are her true friend. Good Luck.