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Art of War, Gossip Girl Style

The Art of War, Gossip Girl Style

"The simplest way to turn an enemy into a friend is to seek their counsel," Blair advises Serena after she's late to English class too many times on last night's episode of Gossip Girl.

Serena then makes a vague reference to one of Blair's Asian war gurus, by which we can only assume she means Sun Tzu, author of The Art of War. Sun Tzu may be Blair's guru, but his inspiration is invoked by Juliet, Chuck, and Blair. Let's see how they used his war tactics best.

Juliet's Plan to Get Serena Expelled From Columbia

  • Spying, gathering intelligence: "Spying implies a lack of trust," says Juliet's jailbird with an unclear and insatiable enthusiasm for destroying Serena. But Juliet doesn't trust Serena, so she's been gathering intelligence on her all season.
  • Timing, engaging with the enemy: Juliet plops down next to a "studying" Serena, as she so strategically sits in front of the Student Health Center. After assuring Serena she had nothing to do with the GG blast, because she'd only be hurting herself now that she's dating Nate, Dan and Nate enter the health center, on cue, for a presumable STD test.

Blair's Plan to Manipulate Her Way Into a TA Job

  • Spying, gathering intelligence: Blair sends her minions to research powerful women while she learns everything about Martha Chamberlain, guest lecturer for Psychology of Business.
  • Laying plans: Blair invites Ms. Chamberlain to her chamber and offers to set her up with a dashing lawyer in exchange for the TA position. Because that would work!
  • Tactical positioning: Blair gets Chamberlain to Hamilton House, where the weekly Gossip Girl semiformal will go down — just not as planned.

Chuck's machinations send Blair's plan off course. See how far below.

Chuck's Plan to Impede Blair's Social Climbing

  • Tactical positioning: Chuck knows that Blair wants Columbia to herself, so in an effort to better destroy her life he enrolls. He stays one step ahead of Blair the whole episode, securing the TA position and swapping out the professor's date.
  • Spying, gathering intelligence: One of Blair's minions is a double agent. She reports to Chuck with what I can only assume is Blair's plan to set up Ms. Chamberlain.


Photo courtesy of The CW

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