Steve Santagati, the Author of The Manual, is back to answer his first question for all of you — I hope advice from the male point of view helps! To ask Steve questions of your own, simply submit them here or in the comments section below. Enjoy!
What are guys thinking when they are "discreetly" checking out other women when they are in a loving, happy relationship? Do they have sexual thoughts like, "She's so hot I'd love to do her," or is it more like what I think, "Oh she's pretty," and leave it at that? — Curious Casey
To see Steve's answer
Dear Curious Casey,
First of all, who said guys "think"? It depends on who we're looking at and the guy in question, but it can mean a lot of things. A: Is this woman a circus freak? If so, you're probably looking too. B: Does she have a huge chest or showing cleavage? We can't help to look. C: Is she super hot? You'll notice a hot guy even if you love your man so we're the same there.
If it's a quick glance, we don't mean any ill will to our girlfriends or wives and you have nothing to fear — it's just a guy thing — we're just looking because it's — almost — impossible not to. It's literally a genetic trait that we will look at a woman's chest or body.
Usually, "spank bank" sexual thoughts are reserved for the women we look at when you're not around. However, yes, sometimes a split second moment happens where we think; "she's so hot I'd love to do her," but just a split second, if at all. And you're so naive, a guy's idea of pretty — if he doesn't know the girl — is solely determined by; would he or wouldn't he want to fool around with her. Which means we may not want to ruin the greatest relationship we have with you, but we'll think of the "stranger" for a second. It's healthy, normal, and, in most cases, harmless. It happens very very fast in our brains and leaves our thoughts as fast as it came in.
- If your guy stares at another woman — for any reason (other than because she's engulfed in flames) while he's with you, he's rude and you need to correct him or keep on guard.
- If he "glances," do not make a big deal about it. You can do the same thing. Make it normal for you both to notice attractive people and even make comments. That way he (and you) won't have to sneak around. Because sneaking around opens up a whole other can of worms.