Steve Santagati, of BadBoysFinishFirst.com and author of the best-selling book The Manual, answers your burning questions when it comes to dating, love, and how men think. He's a veteran at giving street-smart, straight-to-the-point advice, so ladies, tell me, what do you want to ask Steve about men? This is your chance to get answers so don't hold back! Submit your questions here.
I can't tell you how many times I've been out some place — like a bar or a restaurant — and I'll find out the guy that's been flirting with me and my girls is either married or in a relationship, what's up with that? Why do they even bother if they can't "swing through the ball" — so to speak? I feel like I need to preface every conversation I have with a man with "wait, do you have a girlfriend?" — Perplexed Penelope
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Dear Perplexed Penelope,
This question makes me laugh. The longer I live, the more I realize how similar men and women truly are. Boys and Girls may go about things differently and often appear to speak different languages, but in the end, we have more similarities in what we like and don't like than differences. After all, we're both human and us "beings" are almost identical. That's super good news — if you're paying attention. Moreover, women are the founding fathers — errr mothers — of the "tease" and isn't a man flirting — yet unavailable — just being a tease? You know, like when a girl walks into a bar flaunting major cleavage, a super short skirt, and playing with her hair yet doesn't have the slightest intention of having sex with any of us. Isn't Flirt Boy just doing what women have done for hundreds of years?
Teasing is one of the things men and women differ in; men can tease you by pulling your hair, but women tease on a much more visceral level, right down to the loins. Men don't tease. If we weren't so horny all the time maybe we would, but we are so we can't. Teasing implies we could actually "hold out" if you showed us you wanted to have sex. Very few of us can.
The Male Facts when it comes to flirting while in a relationship:
- We do it because we enjoy the art of flirting
- We do it because we're smart and know you have to keep the engine warm in case things fall apart with the current flame.
- It's an ego boost when women respond
- It helps us have a reality check to make sure "we still got it".
- It's naughty and mischievous (obsessions any man, worth his salt, will not lose with age). It's like playing with fire because we know we have to be loyal, but it allows us to fantasize with the "what if".
The Female Solution:
- Don't just talk to a man because you want a man. That's too cut and dry. Talk to him because you want to enjoy the person, enjoy the opposite sex, learn something that you can utilize when the right one comes along — Stop boyfriend/husband hunting.
- See how far you can push Mr. Committed into crossing the line. It's not nice but you'll learn a lot about how good your game is and you'll be one step closer to understanding why bad girls finish first!
- Enjoy the fact that you can do something us guys can't; tease. Teasing is one of those things that can define a woman; but just the right amount of sexy, too much and she's classless. The girls of Hooters have it down to a science.
- Realize it's a cruel joke that most of the people we'll find ourselves attracted to will be taken. That's life. But I said it's a "joke" and jokes are meant to be laughed at, not cause anxiety.