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Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: How Can I Catch Him?

Disclaimer: E. Jean is back this week with quite a doozy. I happen to think she's a wee bit harsh this time, but I thought it was only fair to let you chime in and tell us what you think of the advice she's offering Miss Mimi in Miami.


Dear E. Jean,

Hi! I’ve met a handsome doctor. Everyone likes him. He’s really awesome. I just want to get his attention, challenge him, and make him curious about me. Please give me some tips for an effective way to catch him. — Mimi in Miami

To see E. Jean's answer,

.

Dearest Mimi,

Alas, my charming numbskull, may I speak frankly? I’ve read your email a dozen times, examined your question from every angle, and each time, I’ve reached the same conclusion:

Miss Mimi, you lack the brains to “catch” the doctor. As evidence of your catastrophic nincompoopery, allow me to introduce the unedited version of the letter you sent me:

hi!i have meet handsome doctor everyone likes him he is really awesome,i just want to get his attention,challenge,curious him about me, in reverse.give me some tips how to do an effective way how to catch him — Mimi in Miami

To call this knuckleheaded would insult knuckleheads. However, all is not lost. If, in the next three months you devote a large — large — chunk of time to improving your mind, and if you email me one intelligent sentence (or three semi-witty phrases) well, my darling, then I’ll tell you how to captivate your Dr. Awesome. (But after three months of getting smarter, you’ll probably realize snaring a man is not all that.)

To see more advice from E. Jean, visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com.

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Join The Conversation
Kat-E Kat-E 7 years
Jean IS pretty bitchy in that Dr. Phil kind of way, but she's usually right and it's refreshing. We spend a lot of time asking these kinds of questions because we want there to be a magic answer. "Should I leave my cheating boyfriend?" YES, dumbass. It's women like you who perpetuate a man's belief that he can get away with it! "How do I catch a man?" If being yourself isn't doing it, maybe you need to look in the mirror. Maybe you like guys who are out-of-your-league. Maybe your priest really IS celibate. Jean tells it like it is and I appreciate that.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 7 years
Why even bother posting a sarcasm-laden tirade on a post that's a couple weeks old? Nothing screams "I'm an angry person" like putting down an entire community that you aren't even a part of. As far as I can tell, your only contribution to dearsugar has been to sign in and kiss E. Jean's ass. Feel better?
DRATM DRATM 7 years
Boo-Effin'-Hoo. E. Jean makes one little girl cry---if indeed she even possesses the cognitive aptness necessary to comprehend big words like "however"---and suddenly Ask E. Jean is unfit for a "happy" community. Get a grip. It's the users that make a community what it is, and you all seem pretty bitter to me. Ask E. Jean has never been about receiving the advice you want. It strikes me that it's always been about getting the advice you NEED. If you don't like it, don't read it.
smp7328 smp7328 7 years
It is nice to see E.Jean tell it like it is and not treat people like cutsie-wootsie babies. Seriously, society today is so worried about hurting people's feelings and about feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. Cut the crap, people! I am glad E.Jean told the girl to get her shizz together and stop worrying about chasing after some doctor.
CocoChic CocoChic 7 years
:highfive: to Jgasia! That's how a real professional handles themselves.
angelbaby2 angelbaby2 7 years
Yawn..........................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.............
lula29 lula29 7 years
Oh God, some of y'all are such babies!!!! I love ya E.Jean. I've been reading your column in ELLE for a long time, and you always give the best advice, even if it might seem harsh to some. You always teach women to empower themselves. Thank you! Who in the hell started the whole, "the OP probably isn't a native English speaker" mess. I swear, people take one post, latch on and run with it. I read the OP's question, and it was obvious to me that she's a NATIVE ENGLISH SPEAKER!!! The grammar was fine, E. Jean wasn't correcting that, she was pointing out this girl wants to hook up with a accomplished doctor, but sounds like she should be more focus on expanding her own brain, than chasing a man. Nothing wrong with that advice to me. Get a grip girls.
looseseal looseseal 7 years
You said it much more succinctly than I did, candycr. Well, I don't know A LOT of doctors who are married to bimbos. Just the one. Dude's a traditional misogynist. And he's a gynecologist. I wouldn't want this doc anywhere near my vagina in any capacity. Anyway... while I totally get that being hot and dumb is a whole lot more advantageous than being average-looking and intelligent - as far as "catching" quantities of men goes (can't attest to the quality). We don't know if "Mimi" is hot. We don't know what the good Dr. Awesome finds hot. Is he an ass man or a boobs man? We just don't know. Would people be less offended if the advice was something like "act cute and dumb around him, a lot of men are into that"? It might be true, but it seems terrible to me, to encourage someone to be an idiot. It's even worse than insulting someone for doing something dumb, IMO. It's the flip side of killing with kindness. If you're an idiot and everyone's too nice to tell you so, you never learn any better, and it's bad for you in the long run.
Z-E-R-O Z-E-R-O 7 years
I understand E Jean has a style and a following because of that style, but there is a difference between witty, dry, and honest "advice" vs. mean, crude, and insensitive "advice". The way she responded to Mimi was totally crude and unnecessary in my opinion, and obviously many others feel the same. Since E Jean has chosen to make her responses comical and lacking substance, maybe her posts should be featured on Giggle instead of Dear. Kind of like when you go see a live comedian... If you're in the front row you know you might get picked on. At least people would know what they are getting themselves into.
Candybee Candybee 7 years
Oh-and NICE WORK Jgasia!
Candybee Candybee 7 years
A LOT of doctors I know are married to bimbo's that couldn't stitch together a sentence to save their life. Not all doctors are looking for an intelligent equal. A lot of them are looking for arm candy.
Muirnea Muirnea 7 years
Wow..... 8-0. I agree with Fallen and Pop. What is the point of all this? Was DearSugar getting a little to boring?
looseseal looseseal 7 years
English is my second language. I flunked English once, my grammar isn't perfect (damn you, subject-verb agreement!), but I still manage to use capital letters and find the spacebar. Telling "Mimi" to improve her mind IS advice. Not everyone agrees with it, but it is advice. And it's good advice relevant to the question at hand if you think about the possibility that being more intelligent might make her more attractive to Dr. Awesome. Also, starting something with someone requires communication. Written communication might be involved. I hope you guys are kidding about telling her to go to med school and/or get pregnant. But damn, people, don't kid around like that on someone who might be a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic. What if "Mimi" actually does what you suggest? She's going to ruin her life. Anyway, the question of whether E Jean is meeeeaaan or not aside, I wouldn't be so sure being none too bright is necessarily a hinderance on the dating front. It's the sad truth that a lot of men like a woman who won't outsmart him or at least can pretend not to outsmart him. Okay, these tend to be men of low to average intelligence, so Dr. Awesome is probably not in this category, but I wouldn't know for sure - not all doctors are great and brilliant in every possible way.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 7 years
E. Jean, why don't you take on someone your own size? It's too easy to pick on someone so far "inferior" to you. I agree w/ Fallen. Honestly, I don't see the point of this. I am also tempted to go back through all the E. Jean posts and remind her of all the grammatical and spelling errors she's made in order to properly belittle her in front of all of her adoring (and not so adoring) fans.
linb linb 7 years
Let's remind everyone: "We like a happy community, therefore we moderate our comments. Vicious attacks on other users, extremely bad language, and other things that don't make for a happy place will not be allowed." E Jean's post is not a comment. It's a post. Second, those of you who are actually leaving comments, such as: -She is very rude and patronizing and I feel very sorry for the people who ask her for advice because she just sh!ts on them. -E.Jean just needed to vent some built up premenstrual b*tchery.... that is - assuming she still cycles... -Don't be such a prude b*tch. -E. Jean, thank God you are not a "real" counselor/therapist. -I think E.Jean should go back to Elle Magazine and ONLY give advice there! -E.Jean is full of manure. -Don't give up girlie just because some internet pseudo-shrink feels the need to show the world she cannot control her PMS. -If I wanted to read a rude, arrogant, and IMO ugly columnist's snarky remarks I'd go somewhere else Perhaps you should all reread the "We like a happy community" statement you are all pointing to as a way to justify insulting E Jean.
Indigo4320 Indigo4320 7 years
Okay, if E. Jean's column is meant to be a "sarcastic, sometimes witty" response to a "silly question" then why isn't her article posted in the Humor/Fun section of sugar? Instead it is posted in the love advice section, where it is obviously no longer welcome. I agree with the above posters, I think we should remove E.Jean from sugar's site because "We like a happy community, therefore we moderate our comments. Vicious attacks on other users, extremely bad language, and other things that don't make for a happy place will not be allowed." If I wanted to read a rude, arrogant, and IMO ugly columnist's snarky remarks I'd go somewhere else...not the friendly sugar network.
StefanieO StefanieO 7 years
Go E Jean. If you're trying to "catch" a doctor just because everyone else likes him and he's "awesome" you do need some sense knocked into you - starting with basic grammar and typing skills, if need be.
littlemissme littlemissme 7 years
DearSugar, why even post this in the first place :? I really don't think it fits in with Sugar's "happy community" statement.
katiedid0985 katiedid0985 7 years
Was there a point to this answer other than creating controversy? Ooo someone was mean to someone else to get a rise out of people on the internet... how original.
bella85 bella85 7 years
E.Jean, I absolutely adore you!
ladychaos ladychaos 7 years
...Ok, so she does speak only English. I stand corrected.
ladychaos ladychaos 7 years
I don't know if I want to laugh or curse at E Jean. That was a bit harsh. Honestly, if she's not English saavy because its her second language, chill. Never jump to conclusions...you know what they say about assumptions. That was tacky as hell. ..but it was funny as hell. Anyway, to catch a guy, just be yourself. Don't admit to liking him soon to lessen the awkwardness, but just start off trying to get to know him as a friend would. If he likes you for who you are, how can he say no (unless he's a shallow prick, which then you don't need him). Don't give up girlie just because some internet pseudo-shrink feels the need to show the world she cannot control her PMS.
ladychaos ladychaos 7 years
I don't know if I want to laugh or curse at E Jean. That was a bit harsh. Honestly, if she's not English saavy because its her second language, chill. Never jump to conclusions...you know what they say about assumptions. That was tacky as hell...but it was funny as hell.Anyway, to catch a guy, just be yourself. Don't admit to liking him soon to lessen the awkwardness, but just start off trying to get to know him as a friend would. If he likes you for who you are, how can he say no (unless he's a shallow prick, which then you don't need him). Don't give up girlie just because some internet pseudo-shrink feels the need to show the world she cannot control her PMS.
lovelikewinter lovelikewinter 7 years
E Jean is known for her sarcastic/witty advice to questions related to relationships, sex, etc, which I suppose is a refreshing spin on Dear Abby and other monotonous advice columns.But last time I checked, a sarcastic tone has a sense of irony, lildorothy, not cruelty. And being witty doesnt equate to being rude. E Jean gives advice, not an English lecture. Leave that to Mimi's profs. This means E Jean has two jobs. She provides sracastic responses.. but she also ADVISES, which she clearly didnt try to attempt for Mimi, nor are any of us for the most part.And are you seriously going to semi-focus on the tolerance of poor writing skills in NA? The person who points out spelling or grammar mistakes gets viciously attacked because that person is not an English prof., that person is E Jean for god sakes. And BTW, North American society NEVER became tolerate of poor grammar, or else English would not be an educational requirement and E Jean wouldnt have reacted so extremely to the grammatical mess of a letter. Its E Jean's harshness and humiliation that should be focused on, not who can spell this or who cant write that since its unrelated to the writer's question.And to nicole diver... laziness? Are you kidding me? Your idea of effort is entirely different from someone else's; same with a persons literacy level and once again, it doesnt even matter, since it isnt the main focus of readers' b*tching.The Sugars are brilliant!
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