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Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: How Do I Tell Him What I Really Want?

Dear E. Jean,

This letter may offend you and DearSugar — I hope you all can be open-minded. Ever since I was small, I was consumed with the notion of being tied up. My sister and I would play gagging each other. Whenever I saw someone tied up in the movies or on television, I’d be deeply entertained and thrilled.

Now that I’m grownup with a fine career, friends, and a rewarding life, I daydream about having a partner bind my limbs, tape my lips closed, and blindfold me. I don’t desire to be hurt — far from it. It is the act of binding that thrills me.

I have a boyfriend now who’s very normal and wants ordinary, typical lovemaking. It bores me. How do I tell him what I really want? Will he think I’m crazy? What normal person wants to be tied up and made helpless? — Bound For Glory

To see E. Jean's answer


Bound, My Buttered Biscuit —

Normal? Please. Sex between two persons can be lovely; but when one of those people is tied up, sex can be FANTASTIC. So tell your boyfriend what you like. If words fail you, give the man a copy of The Joy of Sex. If he freaks, get another boyfriend. Sex is an adventure. Life happens once. End of Auntie Eeeee Jean’s lecture.

Gaaaaaaaaa! One other thing. As I’ve said before, we’re all tied up (in marriages, backward religious laws, arbitrary status restrictions, and so on). Half the people I know are gagged to the point of a helpless coma. So sometimes, for some special souls (not everybody), being tied up gives a wonderful, ecstatic feeling of freedom. Don’t smother your desire. Freedom is one of the only things to live for.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle Magazine and

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